Caring for Aging Parents: Managing Stress & Mental Health

We all age. It’s one of the inevitabilities of life – and it’s also a privilege denied to some. More and more people in the U.S. find themselves taking care of parents or older family members. A recent Pew Research study found that around 10% of adults in the U.S. said they were a caregiver for a parent aged 65 or older.^[1]

Caregiving for aging parents isn’t always easy. Even when you want to be there for your parent, the emotional and physical demands can become overwhelming. According to AARP, one in five caregivers reports poor health.^[2]

Experiencing aging parent stress can affect your mental health. To help, this article will cover:

• Why caring for elderly parents can become so stressful.
• How long-term caregiving can impact mental health.
• The ways to protect your mental health.

Why Caring for Elderly Parents Can Feel So Difficult

Caregiving for aging parents can feel so difficult because it brings up complicated feelings and rarely involves just one responsibility. You’re often:

• Organizing medical appointments.
• Helping with finances.
• Coordinating transportation.
• Keeping track of medications.
• Making decisions about where your parents should live.

On top of these responsibilities, you’re also dealing with an array of emotions. You might feel guilty wondering if you’re doing enough or doing it “right.” You might also feel guilty because you get frustrated and may not want to be your parents’ caregiver. Or have guilt over decisions to place aging parents in assisted living. Having aging parents is a life change in itself.

At the same time, you might also be experiencing sadness or grief watching your aging parents’ health decline and losing the sense of who they once were. Many people also experience caregiver anxiety or uncertainty around aging parents’ health or what to do if they decline further.

Caring for elderly parents is complicated because it’s still possible to love them while feeling:

• Frustrated.
• Exhausted.
• Scared.
• Resentful.

All these emotions can exist at the same time and don’t mean you don’t love and care for your parents.

How Long-Term Caregiving Can Affect Mental Health

Caregiving often involves uncertainty. You may be dealing with the constant worry about whether your parents’ health will decline, whether they’ll need more intensive care, or how you’ll manage balancing caregiving and work. Living with that uncertainty can cause caregiver emotional exhaustion.

Long-term caregiving can impact mental health in several ways.

Caregiver Anxiety and Depression

Research shows that caring for elderly parents is both physically and emotionally taxing on caregivers, with:^[3]

• 33% reporting caregiver depression.
• 35% reporting anxiety.
• 49% reporting that caregiving is a burden.

For this reason, the emotional and physical toll of caring for aging parents can contribute to caregiver stress and burnout.

Caregiving anxiety may show up when you’re feeling like you always need to be alert or afraid you’ll miss an emergency call. You might also continuously worry about what happens if Mom falls or Dad forgets his medicine.

Further, you might have a higher risk for caregiver depression because you have less time for yourself. You may:

• Have less time to see friends.
• Be forced to give up activities you enjoy.
• Feel like your entire identity has become centered around the needs of your aging parents.

Not every caregiver who feels exhausted or sad has depression. But when these feelings persist or begin interfering with everyday life, they deserve attention.

Caring for Parents With Dementia

Caring for parents with dementia can become especially complicated. On top of the typical physical and emotional demands of caring for aging parents, caring for parents with dementia adds an additional emotional toll.

There are often inconsistencies in parents’ understanding and recognition when dementia is involved. One day they might understand and recognize you, and the next day they don’t. You may find yourself:

• Answering the same question repeatedly.
• Dealing with aggressive or combative behavior.
• Making difficult decisions about their safety.

Adding caregiver stress to this mix can cause higher risks of burnout, high blood pressure, or sleep problems.^[4] Research also shows that caregivers of parents with dementia are more likely to have financial hardship, social isolation, and poor health.^[5]

How to Protect Your Mental Health While Caring for Aging Parents

You may not be able to remove every caregiving responsibility, but changing how those responsibilities are divided and managed can reduce some of the pressure. Here are some ways to manage caregiver fatigue and stress.

Decide What Tasks You Actually Need to Be Involved In

When you’ve handled most caregiving responsibilities for a long time, it can start to feel like everything is your responsibility. Ask yourself which tasks genuinely require your involvement and which ones could be handled by someone else.

Maybe a sibling can order medications. A relative could handle transportation to one appointment a month. Or grocery delivery might remove one recurring task from your list. Even small changes can help.

Delegating to others might increase feelings of guilt, but it’s important to remind yourself that you can’t be responsible for everything, and that the well-being of both you and your parents could improve by allowing others to help.

Make Specific Requests for Help

People may not know what you need when you’re saying you’re “overwhelmed.” Instead, try making specific requests, like “Could you take Dad to his appointment on Thursday?” Being specific about what tasks you need help with gives someone a concrete way to help.

Accepting caregiver support doesn’t mean you’re abandoning your responsibilities. It allows those responsibilities to be shared.

Make Time for Your Own Life Outside of Caregiving

Caregiving for aging parents is demanding, and personal activities are usually among the first things to disappear. According to the National Council on Aging, maintaining friendships, hobbies, exercise, sleep, work, or simply having quiet time to yourself helps protect family caregiver mental health.^[6]

You’re still allowed to have a life that isn’t completely centered around your parent’s needs. And you’re more likely to turn up meaningfully for yourself and your parents when you’ve had the opportunity to engage in activities that make you feel like you.

Pay Attention to Your Own Warning Signs

Notice what happens when you begin reaching your limit. Maybe you become unusually irritable. Perhaps you stop answering friends’ messages, have trouble sleeping, or feel anxious every time your phone rings.

Recognizing these patterns early gives you an opportunity to make changes before stress becomes caregiver burnout.

Find Mental Health Support for Caregivers at Mission Connection

At Mission Connection, we understand that taking care of someone else doesn’t make your own mental health needs disappear. Our outpatient mental health programs provide personalized support for adults dealing with anxiety, depression, trauma, or other mental health concerns.

Our whole person approach combines evidence-based treatment, like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), with holistic methods like mindfulness and somatic therapy. This approach allows us to tailor care to your symptoms, needs, strengths, and goals.

We also know that adding mental health treatment to an already packed caregiving schedule might sound impossible. This is why Mission Connection provides flexible outpatient options, including in-person programs at our locations in California, Virginia, and Washington, virtual telehealth, and a hybrid program that combines in-person and virtual care.

If caregiving has reached the point where you’re finding it hard to manage your anxiety, depression, stress, or emotional exhaustion, caregiver mental health treatment can give you space to focus on your needs as well.

Mission Connection is Joint Commission-accredited, and we accept most major insurance providers. Reach out to us online or call us at 866-833-1822 to learn how our outpatient mental health programs can support you while you continue navigating the responsibilities in your life.

Caring for Aging Parents FAQ

Caring for elderly parents often raises questions that don’t have simple answers, particularly when you’re trying to balance their needs with your own. Below, we address some common questions about caregiver stress, burnout, and mental health.