How to Build Confidence: Healthy Strategies That Work

If you, or someone you care about, lacks confidence and wants to learn how to build confidence, whether that’s in work, public speaking, dating, or how you feel about yourself, there are science-backed practical tips that can help. They take practice and consistency – and you don’t need to purchase a particular nutritional supplement or wake up at 4 am tomorrow to start.

This article will help by exploring:

What confidence really means.
Why some people struggle with confidence.
Signs of low confidence.
How to build confidence.
When low confidence is linked to mental health.
Where to find support to help boost your confidence.

What Does Confidence Really Mean?

It might sound cliché, but put simply, confidence is the ability to believe in yourself. It could be coping with new situations or challenges, solving problems, or thinking on your feet, even if success isn’t guaranteed.

It’s not about perfect results. What is key is trusting your ability to learn, adapt, and recover when things don’t go to plan.

We all wish we could be a little more confident, especially in situations where we’re not. Confidence is instrumental in many aspects of life. It affects:

How we view ourselves.
How we perform socially.
How we perform at work.
How we perform in relationships.

There are a few key concepts that all have a part to play in confidence. You may have heard of many of these before:^[1]

Self-confidence refers to belief in your abilities.
Self-esteem describes your overall sense of personal value or worth.
Self-belief is confidence in your capacity to achieve goals or overcome obstacles.
Self-efficacy refers to confidence in performing specific tasks or behaviors.

This goes to show that confidence is multi-faceted. A person could struggle with public speaking because of a lack of self-belief in delivering speeches, but also appear confident in small groups because they have high self-esteem.

Everyone has their own limitations, so it’s good to recognize that healthy confidence is flexible. It’s about:

Acknowledging strengths.
What areas have potential for growth.
What simply isn’t for you.

Why Some People Struggle With Confidence

When examining why we are the way we are, a good place to start is usually childhood. Factors that can contribute to how you think and behave as an adult include:

How you were raised.
What the environment was like in your childhood home.
Who you were close to.
What family issues were going on.

When it comes to confidence, the experiences you had with your parents and caregivers, and the behaviors they modeled, can play an important role.^[2]

Were they positive, encouraging, and supportive even in moments of failure? If so, then this is more likely to foster confidence in the future.^[2]

On the other hand, if they were critical and demanding when things didn’t go to plan, then this could have been a contributing factor in low confidence in later life.^[2]

Childhood and adolescence are considered formative years, where we develop our personalities and sense of self. For example, if you were bullied or criticized for not doing so well in tests, it can negatively affect self-belief when you’re older. It can also contribute to other traits too, like perfectionism or negative self-talk, which can make it harder to feel confident.^[3]^[4]^[5]

In adulthood, especially as the majority of people are social media users nowadays, we’re all exposed to constant images of what success looks like. This can mean comparing ourselves non-stop to other people and their accomplishments. It’s important to remember that all the attractiveness, wealth, and charisma in the world doesn’t automatically mean confidence. Many highly successful people struggle with self-doubt, but you wouldn’t know that from what you see on your phone screen.

Research shows that stronger confidence actually comes from learning from our mistakes rather than always trying to avoid making one. This attitude is healthy and fosters a “growth mindset” that encourages persistence. It also means we’re less likely to see setbacks as personal failure, and instead, understand that they are just part of being human.^[6]

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Signs of Low Confidence

Uncertainty is part of life, and everyone experiences a dip in confidence from time to time. But it’s a different story if you constantly second-guess yourself and overanalyze every decision you make. This is often the case for individuals with low confidence. Other common signs of low confidence include:^[7]

Frequently doubting your decisions.
Avoiding new opportunities because of fear of failure.
Struggling to accept compliments.
Constantly comparing yourself with others.
Apologizing excessively.
Seeking frequent reassurance.
Giving up quickly after setbacks.

Life’s challenges can present exciting opportunities to learn and grow. If any of these symptoms sound familiar to you, it may help to explore how to build up confidence.

Strategies for Building Confidence

The strategies below are designed to target the patterns that affect confidence.

Challenge Negative Self-Talk

Our inner voices aren’t always helpful or correct. For individuals struggling with low confidence, this voice can be constant and critical. This can sound like “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll embarrass myself even trying.”

Replacing these kinds of thoughts with balanced thinking is a key principle of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which is widely proven to be effective for improving mental health.

CBT teaches you to acknowledge negative thoughts as they appear, so you can decide to reframe them rather than letting them affect you. This can go a long way to improving your confidence while reducing the noise and self-doubt.^[7]

Start With Small Wins

Confidence takes practice and experience. It doesn’t happen overnight, so it’s advisable to set small, realistic goals. These can include:

Starting a conversation with a stranger.
Trying out a new hobby.
Speaking up during a meeting.
Doing something you’ve been avoiding, like making an important phone call.

Research has confirmed that repeated successes, regardless of how small they may appear, are a powerful way of developing self-efficacy and lasting confidence.^[1]

Stop Waiting Until You Feel Ready

Many of us wait until we feel comfortable with something before we try it. This can help us feel safe and minimize our chances of failure. However, the opposite is usually true. The longer you put off things that seem scary or difficult, the more intense the fear can become.

The solution might be uncomfortable, but facing uncertainty can teach a valuable lesson: uncertainty, and even failure, is okay. When you do things that scare you, even if things don’t go perfectly, you learn that the reality is rarely as bad as the fear.

Focus on Progress Instead of Perfection

Sometimes, striving to execute something perfectly can take away the experience of doing. If you’re a creative person, this can be paralyzing. Musicians can get stuck on a song, authors get writer’s block, and extensive time and energy are spent redoing or revising the same bit over and over.

Perfectionism creates impossible standards, even for the most talented or experienced people. Flaws are to be expected, but when you’re overcome by fear of making mistakes, creating something, trying new things, or making important decisions can all be really tough.^[8]

Instead of seeing perfection as the end goal, aim to enjoy the process and accept that mistakes are part of learning. This can help foster personal growth, not avoidance driven by fear.

Build Assertiveness Skill

Maybe you’ve been there. You want to avoid a fight in a relationship, so you let something that bothers you go unexpressed. You’re in a meeting, and you don’t speak up when the boss suggests a new policy you don’t agree with. But assertiveness doesn’t mean aggressiveness, even though the two are often confused.

There is a polite way to express your opinion or thoughts, with strength and clarity. This can mean:

Asking for support when needed.
Expressing disagreement calmly.
Saying no, but without the guilt that sometimes follows.

Practicing assertiveness is one of the most valuable confidence-building exercises. It teaches you that your needs and opinions matter and that it’s important to voice them.

Studies show that assertiveness training can help reduce social anxiety and improve psychological well-being and self-esteem.^[9]

Practice Positive Body Language

When discussing mental health, sometimes it’s easy to forget the role that the physical body has in our well-being and outlook. There is considerable evidence that supports body language as a factor in confidence and well-being.

Standing upright, maintaining eye contact, and speaking at a steady pace can all have a positive impact on how you feel. It’s a practical way to improve confidence while also improving the quality of communication and conversations.^[10]

Surround Yourself With Supportive People

Try to spend as much social time as you can around people who have a positive influence. The friends and family who:

Acknowledge your achievements.
Aren’t excessively critical.
Are supportive.

These types of connections build self-confidence and are consistently associated with better mental health and greater resilience.^[11]

Practice Stress Management

Stress and confidence are often very closely linked. A person less weighed down by day-to-day stress is typically able to deal with life’s challenges more readily and competently, and usually has better emotional resilience.^[12]

Practicing mindfulness is a great way to reduce stress. By taking a moment to notice your surroundings and sensations in your body, you can “ground” yourself in the present. This means you won’t get so carried away by a stream of constant thoughts or worries.^[13]

Breathing exercises, like slow, deep breaths in tough moments, can go a long way to regaining a sense of control over your stress levels.^[14]

You can reach a “flow state” through enjoyable activities and hobbies. If you’re in the middle of a guitar solo, or you’ve momentarily lost yourself in a good book, day-to-day worries can disappear as you become immersed in the “doing.” Studies show that this state can reduce stress levels.^[14]

Limit Social Media Use

Social media is like a highlight reel, where everyone’s best side is on display. This can seriously knock your confidence about everything from your looks to your financial situation.

But social media is not a true reflection, and it rarely shows the full spectrum of good and bad moments that happen in normal daily life.

The reality is that social media makes everyone seem more attractive, successful, and happier than they really are. But it can be easy to believe that it’s true when you’re browsing in your pajamas at noon, or stressed out by your job or kids.

Limiting social media use and being careful about how seriously you take what you’re seeing are important for protecting your mental health.

Building Confidence By Taking Care of Your Physical Health

It’s often easy to forget about physical health when discussing mental health, even though there’s a well-established link between the two. Some confidence tips relating to physical health include:

Exercise Regularly

Exercise can be beneficial for your mental and physical health. Moderate exercise, like a short run or a routine weights session, can improve mood, energy, concentration, and emotional regulation throughout the day.^[15]

All of these can play a big part in how confident you feel. Hitting exercise goals like lifting a target weight or running a certain distance can give you a real sense of achievement.

Prioritize Sleep

When you don’t get enough quality sleep, it can feel like you have to drag yourself out of bed to face the day. You then feel sluggish at work, slow to respond, and even a little down.

Research shows that poor sleep contributes to:^[16]

Irritability.
Negative thoughts.
Reduced emotional regulation.

Aiming for consistent, quality sleep can mean clearer thinking and a more positive mindset.^[16]

Find Support Building Confidence With Mission Connection

Sometimes, persistently low confidence isn’t a matter of “not enough practice”. It can be related to other existing mental health conditions, which can make the journey to better self-confidence more challenging.

For those with anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and others, it’s important to seek professional support, as the right care and attention are required.

Building healthy self-esteem and confidence can be a long but worthwhile journey, and Mission Connection is ready to help with personalized outpatient treatment tailored to your unique needs. When appropriate, we can combine medication with various therapy options, holistic approaches, and lifestyle changes.

We offer several options for effective outpatient treatment, including in-person programs at our locations in California, Virginia, and Washington, virtual telehealth, and a hybrid program that combines in-person and virtual care.

Mission Connection is Joint Commission-accredited. We also accept most major insurance providers, so that your recovery is not hindered due to financial issues.

If you’re ready to explore our treatment approaches or have questions about the right therapeutic options for your needs, call us at 866-833-1822 or complete our confidential contact form for more information.

References

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