6 Tips on How to Support Loved Ones With Depression
Depression can be difficult enough to learn how to manage in yourself. But when it comes to supporting a loved one with depression, it’s normal to not even know where to begin.
Supporting a loved one with depression comes with many challenges. You may find yourself wanting to “fix” it for them or make decisions on their behalf. Alternatively, you might not want to get over-involved, or even find yourself feeling frustrated at your loved one, who may desperately need support but be reluctant to ask for it.
Whatever your situation, know that you’re not alone. Supporting a loved one with depression can be difficult, and it’s not always straightforward knowing what to do. Fortunately, there are steps you can follow to support your loved one in ways that mean they feel less alone, but you can continue to take care of yourself, as well as them.
Signs a Loved One Is Depressed
But when trying to identify depression in a loved one, it’s important to clear up two main points:
Signs Are Unique: Everyone expresses symptoms of depression differently. While there are key signs that often overlap between individuals, know that depression doesn’t always look the same in everyone.1- Depression Ranges From Mild to Severe: Depression doesn’t always show up in the same severity. Some people may show mild symptoms, such as struggling with motivation and feeling low, while others may struggle to get out of bed or feed themselves.1
Signs of Depression
The first thing you might notice is that depression can interrupt someone’s daily functioning. You may notice that your loved one is taking more days off work due to changes in their energy levels, and they may complain of trouble concentrating at work.
You may notice that their capacity to engage socially has changed. They may avoid social functions and prefer to retreat into their work or look for other ways to isolate themselves.
Alongside these symptoms, you may also notice:3
Anger or irritability- Eating more or less than usual
- Neglecting basic hygiene
- Changes in sleeping habits
- Losing interest in hobbies
- New or increased drug or alcohol use
6 Tips on How to Help Someone With Depression
It can be very distressing to see a loved one struggle with their mental health. You may experience a range of emotions yourself, from feeling helpless, overwhelming sadness, or even angry and frustrated. All of these responses are normal. It’s difficult to watch a loved one struggle, and not always easy to stand on the sidelines if they make decisions you wouldn’t choose for them.
If you’re not sure how to help someone with depression, check out the 6 tips below. From how to listen and be patient to the exact scripts you can use to support them, we have you covered.
1. Start By Listening
It may feel like offering solutions is most helpful for someone struggling with depression. However, the most powerful way you can support them is simply by listening. Choose a quiet moment when there are minimal distractions and let them know they can share as much or as little as they feel comfortable with.
You can start the conversation by asking an open-ended question, such as:
- “I’ve noticed you seem to be having a tough time. What’s been going on?”
- “How have you been feeling lately?”
Then, give them time to talk, and avoid the urge to immediately offer solutions. While it’s natural to want to “fix” things, depression isn’t something that can be quickly solved. Instead, focus on being present and actively listening. You can show you’re actively listening by facing your body towards them, putting away any distractions (like your phone), and giving them eye contact.
Showing you’re listening will help them feel less alone, and will show them you’re really interested in what they have to say. All of this translates to one key thing: that you care.
2. Ask Them What They Need
Depression can make it difficult for someone to identify what would help them. Rather than assuming, gently ask:
- “What would feel most supportive for you right now?”
- “Is there anything practical I can do to make things easier?”
Even small gestures, like cooking a meal, picking up groceries, or driving them to an appointment, can make a huge difference for someone struggling with depression.
3. Encourage Professional Support
While emotional support from a loved one is helpful, professional help is often vital for managing depression. If your loved one is open to it, offer to help them find resources, such as:
- Scheduling an appointment with their doctor
- Researching local therapists, support groups, or treatment centers
- Calling a mental health helpline together
If they’re hesitant, you can reassure them that seeking help is a step towards healing, rather than a sign of weakness and that they deserve to feel better.
4. Be a Consistent Presence
Depression can make people withdraw from social activities, which can cause many relationships to break down. There isn’t one reason why someone with depression might stop seeing their friends or family members. However, it often involves feeling like a burden, not having the energy and depression draining the enjoyment out of those experiences.
Knowing that social withdrawal is a natural part of depression can help you accept your loved one, even if it may hurt that, on the surface, it looks like they no longer want to spend time together.
The best thing to do in this situation is to show your loved one that you consistently support them. Continue inviting them to do things you usually enjoy together, even if they often decline. Let them know there’s no pressure, but that you’re always there. You could also switch up what you usually do and meet them where they’re at. For example, you could:
- Invite them over for dinner
- Have a movie night
- Go for a walk in their neighborhood
- Have a dance party at home
5. Assess Suicide Risk
“Have you been having thoughts of harming yourself?”- “Do you ever feel like you don’t want to be here anymore?”
Contrary to common belief, asking about suicide doesn’t encourage suicidal thoughts or actions. Instead, it opens the door for honest conversations, which can make someone with depression feel less alone. If your loved one expresses suicidal thoughts, seek immediate professional help and encourage them to reach out to a crisis hotline or therapist.
Warning signs of suicidal intentions could be:4
A history of self-harm or past suicide attempts- Increased risk-taking behaviors
- Loss of a job, relationship, or loved one
- Expressing feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
6. Be Patient With Them
Recovery from depression isn’t linear. Some days will be better than others, and progress may feel excruciatingly slow. What’s more, depression relapses can happen. Your loved one may be on the road to recovery, and the next thing you know, they’re back in that dark place.
The worst things you could say and do in these situations are to bombard your loved one with questions or pressure them to “snap out of it.” Instead, reassure them that you understand healing takes time and you’ll be there every step of the way.
If you’re still struggling to know what to say, there’s more guidance on our page, “Emergency Situations: What to Do When a Loved One Is in a Mental Health Crisis.”
How to Talk About Mental Health With Loved Ones
Discussing mental health with a loved one can be challenging, especially if you’re unsure how they will respond. Choosing a method of communication that feels comfortable for both of you can help ease the difficulty.
Some people find it easier to express their thoughts through text, email, or letters, rather than speaking face-to-face, as in-person interactions can feel exposing. Others might feel more comfortable having a conversation over the phone or in a more relaxed setting, such as during a walk or while driving.
As loved ones, it’s important for us to accept that some people may feel safer speaking to someone else entirely. Whether this is a professional, a family member, or someone they don’t know quite as well, remember that it’s not personal. Respecting this person’s boundaries while maintaining an open, supportive attitude will ultimately help them recover.
Setting Boundaries With a Depressed Person
Supporting a loved one with depression can be emotionally demanding. But it often means leaving your emotions and needs at the door, so you can prioritize them. However, while it’s natural to want to be there for them, it’s equally important to set boundaries to protect your own well-being.
Think of the oxygen mask analogy – on an airplane, the flight attendants tell you to put your own mask on before helping others. The same principle applies here. You can’t offer support if you’re emotionally drained or burned out.
Set clear limits on what you can and can’t do, and don’t feel guilty about prioritizing your own mental health at times. Seeking support for yourself, whether through talk therapy, self-care routines, or leaning on other loved ones, can help you stay mentally healthy through the process.
Click the link to find detailed guidance on how to set healthy boundaries when supporting someone in treatment.
Reach Out for Support With Your Loved One Today
At Mission Connection, we understand that depression has a knock-on effect. What we mean by this is that depression impacts the individual, but it also influences their family, partner, and friends.
That’s why we offer individualized treatment programs for those struggling with their mental health, as well as specialized support groups for family members of those dealing with mental health conditions.
Caring for a loved one with depression can feel isolating. Many people hesitate to join support groups due to fear of being unheard, vulnerable, or judged. However, these groups provide a safe space to share experiences, develop coping strategies, and connect with others facing similar situations.
For those who need more intensive support, our Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) offers structured therapeutic interventions while allowing you to live at home. Group sessions are tailored to your specific concerns, as this ensures that members can relate to and support one another in meaningful ways.
If you’d like to learn more about our support groups and other services we offer to families of loved ones struggling with their mental health, reach out today at 866-338-4505.
References
- NHS. (2023, July 5). Symptoms – Depression in adults. https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/depression-in-adults/symptoms/
- Bruce, D. F. (2024, February 29). Untreated depression. WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/depression/untreated-depression-effects
- National Institute of Mental Health. (2024). Depression. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression#:~:text=What%20are%20the%20signs%20and,or%20suicide%20or%20suicide%20attempts
- Ng, C., How, C., & Ng, Y. (2017). Depression in primary care: assessing suicide risk. Singapore Medical Journal, 58(2), 72–77. https://doi.org/10.11622/smedj.2017006
