What to Say to Someone in a Mental Health Crisis (And What Not to Say!)

Author:

Hayley Snelling

B.S. Psychology

Editor:

Emma Loker

B.S

“It’s all in your head.” “Just calm down.”

While these words might be well-intentioned, they can do more harm than good when you say them to someone who is battling a mental health crisis. The words we use matter – they can bring support and comfort or shame and distress. So, knowing what to say to someone in a mental health crisis is crucial.

On this page, we’ll explore best practices for discussing mental health, as well as some of the dos and don’ts in mental health conversations to make sure that you are supporting the person in the best way that you can.

Best Practices for Discussing Mental Health

Sometimes, people are reluctant to talk about mental health. For some people, discussing things like depression or anxiety still feels taboo. However, the only way to break the taboo is to talk about it. It’s ok to talk about thoughts and emotions.

Talking about mental health is vital in helping your friends and loved ones seek the support they need.¹ If you’re thinking of talking with them about their struggles it can be useful to prepare in advance. There are good ways of discussing things, and there are words to avoid when you are learning how to support someone with mental illness. Keep reading to find out more.

How to Approach a Loved One About Their Mental Health

You might be wondering how to start a conversation with someone about mental illness. We have some guidance here to help you:²

Find a time and place where you can talk without being interrupted. You might want to put your phone on silent to avoid noisy notifications distracting you.
Express your concern and support.
Reassure your loved one that you care about them.
Ask them direct questions and listen to their responses.
Show them respect, compassion, and empathy.
Remind them that help is available and that mental health issues can be treated.

Some examples of what you can say in these conversations are:

“I’ve been worried about you. Can we talk about what you’re going through?”
“I’ve noticed you don’t seem yourself lately. What can I do to help?”
It seems like you’re having a tough time at the moment. How can I support you in finding help?”

How to Listen to Someone in Mental Distress

You may worry that you’ll say or do the wrong thing when communicating with someone in psychiatric distress, but there’s a very effective thing you can do to help this: listen.

When someone is having a mental health crisis, listening with empathy can help them feel calmer and reassured.³ When you quietly and calmly listen without trying to solve the other person’s problems, it lets them know you understand them and aren’t judging them. When talking, you could reflect on some of the things they have said.

For example, if they say that they don’t know what to do, you could respond with something like “I hear you. You want to do something, but you don’t know what it is yet. How would it be to just stay here with me for a while?” It shows that you’re listening, and you’re gently asking them a question about what they want to do.

When in conversation, keep your body language open to encourage them to talk (hands by sides or in lap, eye contact, relaxed), rather than having closed body language (arms folded in front of you, avoiding their gaze, looking tense) which may signal that you aren’t ready to hear what they have to say.

When you do talk, speak slowly and calmly. Often, when someone is in distress they may be talking quite quickly, trying to keep up with their thoughts. By slowing down your speech to a normal, relaxed pace, it will give them time to think and they may end up ‘mirroring’ you and slowing down as well, becoming more calm and less distressed.

How to Comfort Someone With Mental Illness

When someone you care about is distressed, you would do anything to help them. Sometimes it’s difficult to know the right things to say. However, you’ve already seen what a difference talking and listening to someone in distress can have. You can find more detailed information about what to do in emergency situations when someone you love is in a mental crisis on our page, “What to Do When a Loved One is in a Mental Health Crisis.”

In the meantime, here are four simple steps to help comfort someone in mental distress:⁴

Step 1

Let them know you are there for them. Be direct when asking them questions because they may not be thinking clearly, and so they might not understand if you use metaphors or ask vague questions. For example, If you are worried they are considering suicide, ask them about it calmly, clearly, and without judgment. You could say something like “I’ve noticed you don’t seem like your usual self recently, you seem very down and don’t talk much anymore. Are you having thoughts of suicide?”

Step 2

Listen to them. Use the skills described above to show you are listening, and ask gentle questions to better understand what they are going through.

Step 3

Assess the urgency. If the person appears to be a risk to themselves or to others, the best option is to get them to an emergency room for urgent medical help. The emergency services should be called and you can stay with the person until they arrive if you can.

Step 4

If the situation doesn’t require an emergency response, encourage the person to seek professional help, such as making an emergency doctor’s appointment, booking a therapy session, or calling a helpline. If they don’t feel like they can do it themselves, you could offer to help them.

How to Talk About Mental Health Sensitively

There’s a word that’s come up a few times already that we need to talk about: empathy. When talking about mental health, we need to talk and listen with empathy.⁵

Sometimes, we can get caught up in trying to ‘fix’ the other person’s problem and forget to actually listen to the person in front of us. Have you ever had a conversation where you’re thinking about what you are going to say before the other person has finished talking? It’s pretty common, but if we’re planning what we’re going to say, it makes sense that we can’t really be listening to what the other person is saying.

Empathy changes the way we listen and talk. It allows you to understand a person from their own point of view, their thoughts, and feelings.⁶ When you are empathic with people, you put any of your own feelings to one side and listen to what they say so that you can understand how they feel. When you are in that zone, you won’t be judging that person because you truly understand what they are experiencing, you’ll have put yourself in their shoes completely.

But how can you show empathy when talking with someone about mental health? Here are five suggestions for you to keep in mind:⁵

Ask open-ended questions: These types of questions help you to stay non-judgmental and encourage an open and honest conversation.
Be a mirror for the person: Try to repeat the person’s thoughts and feelings back to them when you talk so that they know you understand and are listening.
Be accepting: Show that you accept what they are saying is true for them. You could say ‘I understand’, or nod to show that you understand what they said.
Body Language: Keep your body language open, and also look at their body language to see if they look uncomfortable or comfortable talking.
Give them space: Give them time to think and respond, don’t rush them, interrupt them, or feel like you need to fill every gap in the conversation.

Words That Help in a Mental Health Crisis

What are some of the best things you can say when helping a friend in a mental health crisis.7 Some examples are given below:

Show that you are listening to them:

“I hear you”
“I understand”
“That sounds really difficult”

Offer reassurance:

“I’m here for you”
“Your feelings are valid”
“Your condition can be treated to help you feel better again.”

Offer help:

“What can I do to help?”
“What can I do to make things feel slightly easier?”
“Can I help you to make an appointment?”

Things NOT to Say to Someone in a Mental Health Crisis

Studies have shown that stigma can negatively affect the recovery of someone with a mental illness.^8,9 People sometimes avoid or delay getting treatment because they are worried about being treated differently by people because of this stigma. This is why it’s important to know not only the best things to say but also what to avoid saying to someone in a mental health crisis.

You’ll find some specifics of what to avoid saying in the sections below.

Phrases That May Harm Someone With Mental Illness

Some of the phrases not to use, and the alternatives you could say instead, are listed here:¹⁰

Don’t use: “suffers from” or “victim of”
Instead, use: “lives with” or “has.”

The words “suffer” and “victim” can suggest that someone’s experience is negative and hopeless.

Don’t use: “mentally ill”
Instead, use: “someone with mental ill-health” or “someone who experiences mental health problems.”

“Mentally ill” sounds old-fashioned and suggests a person’s identity is tied to their mental illness.

Don’t use: “committed suicide” or “failed suicide”
Instead, use: “died by suicide”, “took their own life” or “attempted suicide.”

The word “commit’” was used when suicide was a crime and is no longer relevant. By saying ‘“ailed” suicide, it can imply that you wanted them to succeed in taking their life.

Don’t use: “I’m a bit OCD”
Instead, use: “I like things to be orderly.”

OCD is a mental health condition and can be debilitating. By saying this type of phrase you belittle another person’s experience of living with this illness.

Things Not to Say to Someone With Depression

When you are talking with someone about depression, take their experiences seriously and listen to how they feel. Don’t say things that will make them feel misunderstood, isolated, blamed, or belittled, like:

“You shouldn’t feel this bad”
“You’re overreacting”
“It’s not as bad as you think”
“Other people have it worse”
“How can you be so selfish?”

What to Avoid Saying to Someone With Anxiety

Your words have the power to hurt or help someone with anxiety. When talking to someone about anxiety, it’s important to avoid phrases that will make them feel blamed, silly, a nuisance, or as though their thoughts or feelings aren’t real, like:¹¹

“Calm down”
“Be more present”
“Stop overthinking”
“Worrying won’t change anything”
“It’s all in your head”
“Not this again”

What Not to Say When Someone Is Suicidal

There are phrases to avoid during mental health emergencies, especially when helping someone who feels suicidal.¹² Don’t blame them, or dismiss their feelings or worries by saying things such as:

“Get over it”
“I know how you feel”
“Other people have it worse”
“It’s not that bad”
“Look on the bright side”
“Don’t say that”
“Don’t be stupid”
“You’ll go to hell”

Get Mental Health Guidance for You or Your Partner Now

Supporting a loved one through a mental health crisis can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to do it alone – we are here to help. We can provide professional help to support both you and your loved one through their mental health crisis.

At Mission Connection, we understand how difficult this time can be. That’s why we offer compassionate and professional care and support with a flexible schedule, and a range of payment options – because cost shouldn’t be a barrier to receiving the treatment you need.

Our experienced team is ready to listen to you and help you and your loved one on the road to recovery and healing. Get started today and take the first step towards feeling better.

References

Commonwealth of Massachusetts. (n.d.). Why is it important to talk about mental health? Mass.gov. https://www.mass.gov/info-details/the-importance-of-mental-health
SAMHSA. (n.d.). How to talk about mental health – friends and family members. https://www.samhsa.gov/mental-health/what-is-mental-health/how-to-talk/friends-and-family
Hoffman, E. (2017, September 27). The quiet power of empathic listening. Mental Health First Aid. https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/2017/07/quiet-power-listening/
British Red Cross. (n.d.). Learn first aid for emotional distress. https://www.redcross.org.uk/first-aid/learn-first-aid/distress
Clemens, H. (2023, August 3). Talking about mental health needs empathic listening skills. MyMynd Blog. https://mymynd.co.uk/blog/talking-about-mental-health-needs-empathic-listening-skills
American Psychological Association. (n.d.). APA Dictionary of Psychology: Empathy. https://dictionary.apa.org/empathy
Mind. (n.d.). How to help someone seek mental health support. https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/seeking-help-for-a-mental-health-problem/helping-someone-else-seek-help/
Psychiatry Association. (n.d.). Stigma, Prejudice and Discrimination Against People with Mental Illness. https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/stigma-and-discrimination
Clement, S., Schauman, O., Graham, T., Maggioni, F., Evans-Lacko, S., Bezborodovs, N., Morgan, C., Rüsch, N., Brown, J. S. L., & Thornicroft, G. (2014). What is the impact of mental health-related stigma on help-seeking? A systematic review of quantitative and qualitative studies. Psychological Medicine, 45(1), 11–27. https://doi.org/10.1017/s0033291714000129
Talking about mental health. (n.d.). Mental Health Foundation. https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/a-z-topics/talking-about-mental-health
Pugle, M. (2025, February 20). 4 things not to say to a loved one with anxiety. https://www.everydayhealth.com/anxiety-disorders/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-anxiety-and-what-to-say-instead/
Colorado State University. (n.d.). FIVE DOS AND DON’TS FOR HELPING SOMEONE IN DISTRESS. https://supportandsafety.colostate.edu/tell-someone/5-dos-and-donts/https://www.everydayhealth.com/anxiety-disorders/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-anxiety-and-what-to-say-instead/