Self-Worth: What It Is and How to Build It
Do you inherently believe that you deserve good things in life, or only when it feels like you’ve truly earned them?
Many people confuse self-worth with things like achievement or approval from others. But true self-worth runs much deeper and doesn’t disappear when things get hard or when someone doesn’t approve of you.
Low self-worth can shape so many decisions you make, from those about relationships to the goals you strive toward. If your self-value is poor, rebuilding it can take time, but the journey is well worth it.
This page can help you better understand self-worth and how to build it, as it explores:
- How self-worth is different from self-esteem and confidence.
- Where your sense of personal value comes from.
- What low self-worth can look like.
- Ways to build your self-respect and self-acceptance.
- Why some people might need extra support in building self-worth.
What Self-Worth Is (And What It Isn’t)
Self-worth is your core belief that you have inherent value simply by virtue of being who you are. It doesn’t depend on:[1]
- Your accomplishments.
- How you look.
- What others think of you at any point in time.
By this definition, self-worth is more stable than other related ideas like self-esteem and having confidence, both of which can change depending on the context and circumstances.
Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem
Self-esteem tends to go up and down based on your performance in a given situation and your life circumstances. It’s natural for someone to feel higher self-esteem after getting a promotion at work, just like it is to feel lower self-esteem after a setback.
However, your underlying sense of self-worth can stay intact while self-esteem fluctuates. Someone with a strong sense of self can typically experience criticism or failure without it damaging their underlying belief that they matter as a person.
Self-Worth vs. Confidence
Confidence, meanwhile, relates to having trust in your abilities, such as public speaking or aptitudes to do your work. It’s possible for you to feel confident in some areas of your life and still lack an overarching sense of self-worth.
Ultimately, self-worth is less about what you can do and much more about the inherent value (or lack thereof) you place on who you are.
Where Self-Worth Comes From
A sense of personal value and self-worth builds up over time, typically through formative years, as it’s shaped by early experiences that start long before you had the ability to take notice.
Early relationships are a prime example of how early years impact self-worth. Kids who receive warmth and acceptance from their parents or caregivers usually tend to internalize a stable sense of worth in their early years. When love and approval are made to feel conditional, on the other hand, the instabilities that this can create can carry through to the adult years.[2]
Cultural and social messages can also have an impact. Many people take in ideas throughout life about what makes someone “worthy.” These messages can override a more grounded sense of internal self-value, particularly if they go unchecked or unexamined.
Your identity factors in, too. A healthy identity, one that feels stable and self-defined, tends to support a steadier sense of self-worth. If your identity feels uncertain or overly influenced by other people’s expectations, then self-worth can sometimes feel harder to access or assess.
To be clear, none of this means that your sense of self-worth is inherently fixed in place from where you started. But it does mean that the roots tend to run pretty deep — which is why rebuilding it often takes patience and practice.
Examples of Potential Low Self-Worth
Low self-worth isn’t always obvious. It can hide inside patterns that have felt normal for a long time. Having said this, some common signs can include:
- Putting up with mistreatment by others: Staying in relationships or situations that are disrespectful because you don’t think you deserve anything better.
- Constantly trying to overachieve: Trying to tie your value to your accomplishments, so failure (or even resting) feels threatening.
- Struggling to accept care from others: Feeling awkward or uncomfortable when other people try to offer help or kindness, as you may feel like you haven’t earned it.
- Constantly monitoring yourself: Measuring your worth against how potentially useful, agreeable, or impressive you seem to those around you.
- Being afraid of taking up space: Trying to make yourself smaller (emotionally or with regard to your needs) to avoid feeling like a burden.
Many times these patterns run quietly in the background, shaping your choices without being an obvious influence. It’s also worth noting that many people seem to be outwardly successful while still carrying a deep and unspoken belief that they somehow aren’t “enough.”
Mission Connection is here to help you or your loved one take the next steps towards an improved mental well-being.
Practical Ways to Build Self-Respect and Self-Acceptance
Building self-worth, like a lot of things, takes some time and some consistent effort. The following approaches all focus on strengthening your self-respect and self-acceptance from the inside out:
Make (and Hold) Boundaries With Others
Saying “no,” even when it lets someone down, can help reinforce the belief that your needs matter. Each successful boundary you set and maintain can uphold the belief that you don’t require anyone else’s approval to do so.
Separate Your Worth From Your Output
Pay attention to the moments when you tend to tie your value to productivity. Practice gently resisting or pausing doing so, not treating your self-worth as something you need to work hard to earn.
Talk to Yourself With Kindness
Pay attention to your inner dialogue as well – especially after you make a mistake. Try talking to yourself in the same way you’d comfort a loved one when they are going through something hard.
Accept Support From Others
Accepting help and comfort from others can feel uncomfortable if you’re not used to doing so. Try to practice sitting with these feelings instead of deflecting or denying support.
Reconnect With Your Values
Do some thinking about what matters most to you, separating it from what you think others expect of you. Once you have done so, you can take actions that bring you closer to your values instead of shifting you away from them.
Remember: You’re Entitled to Take Up Space
Share your opinions, ask for what you need, and let yourself be seen. Self-acceptance can grow through practice, and you don’t have to wait until you feel fully open or ready for it.
What if You Need Extra Support for Developing Self-Worth?
Sometimes, patterns of low self-worth run so deep that self-guided practice can’t quite do enough. This could be true for you if the causes of low self-worth can be traced back to:
- Difficult early relationships.
- Experiencing mistreatment from others.
- Trauma.
- Experiences that shaped your identity early on.
Working with a therapist on building your self-worth can uncover where these negative beliefs came from. Certain approaches can help to rebuild a stable sense of self-worth. For instance, Internal Family Systems, or IFS, helps people understand the parts of themselves shaped by past experiences, including the ones carrying old beliefs about not being “good enough.”[3]
Emotional resilience is also a potential major factor in developing self-worth. Therapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), can help you strengthen your capacity to handle setbacks going forward, without tying your entire sense of value to your ability to achieve or succeed.
Needing support for building self-worth doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong or that something’s inherently wrong with you. Long-held beliefs about your worth tend to develop over a period of years, often without your consent or knowledge. So it makes sense that untangling them could likely benefit from extra support.
Let Mission Connection Help You Grow
Rebuilding your self-worth is definitely possible – and you don’t have to do it alone. At Mission Connection, we offer personalized outpatient treatment tailored to your unique needs. Our expert clinical team provides a range of evidence-based mental health treatment approaches.
In addition to standard outpatient care at our locations in California, Virginia, and Washington, we also offer more intensive levels of care, such as a partial hospitalization program (PHP) or an intensive outpatient program (IOP). We are Joint Commission-accredited and in-network with most major insurance providers.
To find out more about our in-person, virtual telehealth, or hybrid program that combines in-person and virtual care, call us at 866-833-1822. You can also get started online. If old and inaccurate beliefs are shaping how you move through life every day, reach out to us.
Rebuilding Your Self-Worth FAQ
If self-worth issues are causing you to question your value, remember this doesn’t have to continue. You matter – unconditionally. To help you decide if therapy is the right approach for you, we’ve provided the following answers to commonly asked questions on the topic.
Is it possible to build up your self-worth when it's been low most of your life?
Definitely! While early experiences can shape self-worth, it can also be rebuilt at any age with consistent practices like boundary-setting, self-compassion, and, for many people, therapy.
How do I know if it’s time for therapy for low self-esteem?
If you’ve noticed patterns (such as people-pleasing or constantly tolerating being mistreated by others) that seem persistent despite your best efforts, therapy can help. It brings clarity to why these patterns may be happening and works to help you shift underlying negative beliefs effectively.
Does low self-worth impact relationships?
Yes, it can. Having low self-worth can make you more prone to tolerating negative behavior from others and avoiding vulnerability, both of which can strain romantic relationships over time.
Overall, building a stronger sense of worth tends to support healthier connections in your life – contact Mission Connection today to find out how we can help.