What Is Codependency? Understanding the Signs and Causes of Codependent Relationships
July 10, 2025
Codependent relationships are imbalanced dynamics that can persist for years, sometimes causing great pain to the people involved.
While codependency was first studied in the 1940s, it’s only since the 1980s that psychologists have brought the idea of codependency into the mainstream.3 However, it’s still difficult to say how prevalent codependency is, but it’s certainly not uncommon.
If you’re concerned that you or someone you care about is showing patterns of codependency, a mental health professional can help you pinpoint behaviors and develop healthy ways of coping. Learning about this relationship dynamic is crucial for spotting it and healing from it. With that aim, this article aims to help you:
Understand the signs and causes of codependent relationships- Learn how codependency can be overcome
- Discover the therapeutic options for codependency recovery
What Is Codependency?
Codependency is a relational dynamic in which there is an imbalanced focus on one person’s needs.1 The codependent person typically enables something in their partner, such as a mental health issue, but it could also be their underachievement, immaturity, or lack of responsibility.4 Codependent relationships are typically romantic, but they could also involve family members or friends.
In these dynamics, the codependent partner relies excessively on the other person for emotional support, reassurance, and a sense of self-worth. Enabling harmful behavior is a core component of attaining this reassurance and sense of self-esteem, because they embody the role of rescuer and feel needed.4
The codependent dynamic also provides reassurance for the enabled person. If they are being taken care of and enabled, the pressure to mature, improve, or recover is reduced. Their enabler accepts them for who they are, so they don’t feel the need to change.4
This dynamic can be difficult to change or break because each party has a fixed role that soothes a deep need for love, self-esteem, acceptance, and belonging. They also might not want to acknowledge why codependency is unhealthy. However, codependency is unhealthy because:
Codependent people may lack a sense of individuality and purpose- People within codependent relationships may neglect their own aspirations, interests, and needs
- The power dynamic of codependency makes the relationship vulnerable to abuse
- Codependent dynamics can result in a great deal of emotional distress
So, why are people drawn to such an unhealthy relationship dynamic? Next, we’ll explore the causes of codependency.
What Causes Codependency?
Looking at the causes of codependency is essential for understanding it – and they’re often rooted in early bonds with caregivers in childhood.
Namely, the causes of codependency can include neglect, emotional abuse, growing up around mental health issues, and taking on adult responsibilities at a young age.5 The following information explores these issues, as well as how a disruption to the development of a sense of self can result in attachment difficulties and codependency.1
Neglect and Emotional Abuse
Neglect and emotional abuse at a young age have a profound impact on the way children form bonds and attachments with other people.5 They may learn that in order to have relationships with others, they must sideline their own needs and feelings. Or they may absorb the message that their emotional needs are a burden.
One way children adapt to having an unpredictable or quick-tempered caregiver is to become overly sensitive to their moods. This could cause them to develop a habit of constantly monitoring other people’s needs and emotions.
Addiction and Parentification
Parents who have mental health issues can create an environment in which their needs and problems are the priority. “Parentification” is when children take on adult responsibilities, like emotional caretaking, practical household tasks, or looking after younger siblings.5 Being forced to take on this role sets children up for codependency as they learn they must be caretakers to get by in life.
A Disrupted Sense of Self
People who have codependent tendencies may have had a significant disruption to their development of a stable sense of self. Establishing a sense of identity involves realizing we’re our own person, forming our own opinions, rebelling against norms, seeking privacy, establishing interests and personal style, and becoming more independent.
If someone has a stable sense of self, they have autonomy in their relationships and are less influenced by other people.6 They can feel and own their emotions and accept the emotions of other people without needing to control or manage them. However, things like neglect, abuse, and oppressive parental control might make it unsafe for someone to develop a sense of self.
In addition, enmeshment can make it impossible for children to differentiate themselves from their parents. Parent-child enmeshment is when there is excessive emotional dependency in the relationship. A child might not know their own beliefs or opinions, be afraid to express their true feelings, and learn that possessiveness and jealousy are a part of loving relationships.7
A sturdy sense of self is an essential ingredient in well-being, emotional regulation, expressing preferences, making decisions that are in our best interests, and having emotional boundaries.1 When our sense of self is unclear, we may look outside of ourselves to define it and lack the skills to be emotionally autonomous. This leaves us vulnerable to dysfunctional relationship dynamics like codependency.
Signs of a Codependent Relationship
In adulthood, we can identify codependency by looking at relationship dynamics, emotional regulation, and how needs are managed.
For example, in response to their partner’s harmful actions, a codependent partner might feel shame about their circumstances and blame themselves or try to control the behavior.2 They might use emotional manipulation to do so, employing self-pity or guilt-tripping to influence their partner.4
Signs of codependency might also include the codependent partner minimizing their own needs, prioritizing those of their partner, and engaging excessively in caretaking behaviors.2 Either partner may have had dysfunctional relationships at a young age, resulting in an anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment style. As discussed, this can mean the partners lack strong senses of self-identity and therefore sturdy psychological boundaries.1
So, what is a codependent person like, and how can you identify one? Well, people prone to codependency in relationships typically have low self-esteem, may be excessively generous and caring, minimize their own demands and preferences, and tend to put others first. One study that looked at personality traits also found that codependent partners scored higher in agreeableness.2
In terms of chosen partners, codependent people tend to be attracted to those they perceive as needing to be taken care of. For example, as mentioned, people with mental health issues. Codependent people might also be drawn to romantic partners who somehow remind them of their caregivers in childhood, for instance, if they’re emotionally unavailable, neglectful, or dismissive.
Overcoming Codependency in Relationships
Understanding the causes and signs of codependency is a great start in overcoming it, as one of the biggest barriers to healing is a lack of self-awareness.
To begin, it’s good to gain an awareness of how your childhood might have shaped your adult relationships. For example, how you manage your own needs and emotions, those of your partner, and what factors play into your sense of self-worth. How decisions, activities, hobbies, and friendships are handled within your relationship are also worth considering.
You can increase self-awareness on your own, but therapy can be incredibly helpful for doing this safely and steadily. When you decide to take action and learn how to break free from codependency, there are a number of therapeutic options available to you, including:
Group therapy is an effective treatment for codependency because it provides a social environment in which patterns of relating can be explored. The group often provides positive, confidence-boosting feedback, helping people express true feelings and increase self-esteem.8- Family therapy might be an effective treatment in some circumstances. Sessions can be used to help family members adjust their unhelpful definitions of “family” and develop abilities for openly communicating and expressing emotions.8
- Cognitive behavioral therapy can help codependent people rethink their ideas and beliefs about themselves and others in ways that reduce codependent behaviors.8
- Other talking therapies (such as humanistic or psychodynamic) can allow for greater exploration of family history. Recognizing the past can often help us overcome beliefs that are preventing change in the present day.
In general, the types of things you might expect from therapy include working on your self-esteem, becoming comfortable in your own company, and learning how to set boundaries and communicate openly. It’s also possible to explore your attachment style and manage interpersonal disappointments.
Mission Connection: Help for Healing from Codependency
Breaking the cycle of codependency is entirely possible. With the right support, you can learn from your past and develop strategies for the future.
Here at Mission Connection Healthcare, we offer a range of evidence-based codependency treatment options spanning outpatient therapy, telehealth appointments, and medication management. Contact our team to inquire about your mental health and how we can support you in your relationships.
References
- Kolenova, A. S., Kukulyar, A. M., Denisova, E. G., & Ermakov, P. N. (2024). Self-Attitude and Reflection in Codependent Women: A Comparative Study. Psychology in Russia: State of the Art, 17(1), 116–132. https://doi.org/10.11621/pir.2024.0107
- Leili Panaghi, Zohreh Ahmadabadi, Khosravi, N., Sadeghi, M. S., & Madanipour, A. (2016). Living with Addicted Men and Codependency: The Moderating Effect of Personality Traits. Addiction & Health, 8(2), 98. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5115643/
- Bacon, I., McKay, E., Reynolds, F., & McIntyre, A. (2018). The Lived Experience of Codependency: an Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis. International Journal of Mental Health and Addiction, 18, 754–771. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11469-018-9983-8
- R. Skip Johnson. (2018, May 13). Codependency and Codependent Relationships. Borderline Personality Disorder. https://bpdfamily.com/content/codependency-codependent-relationships
- Knapek, E., & Kuritárné Szabó, I. (2014). [The concept, the symptoms and the etiological factors of codependency]. Psychiatria Hungarica: A Magyar Pszichiatriai Tarsasag Tudomanyos Folyoirata, 29(1), 56–64. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24670293/
- Calatrava, M., Martins, M. V., Schweer-Collins, M., Duch-Ceballos, C., & Rodríguez-González, M. (2022). Differentiation of self: a Scoping Review of Bowen Family Systems Theory’s Core Construct. Clinical Psychology Review, 91(1). https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2021.102101
- Baroncelli, C. M. C., Lodder, P., van der Lee, M., & Bachrach, N. (2025). The role of enmeshment and undeveloped self, subjugation and self-sacrifice in childhood trauma and attachment related problems: The relationship with self-concept clarity. Acta Psychologica, 254, 104839. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.actpsy.2025.104839
- Karimi Ahmad Abadi, F., Maaref Vand, M., & Aghaee, H. (2015). Models and interventions of codependency treatment: A systematic review. Jurnal UMP Social Sciences and Technology Management, 3(2).
