What Is Emotional Abuse? Signs, Examples, and Treatment Options
Emotional abuse happens when one person tries to control another by criticizing, insulting, humiliating, and manipulating them. It’s often seen more in romantic relationships but can also happen in families and work relationships.
Emotional abuse can have long-lasting effects on mental health and wellbeing. It can be difficult to realize you are being abused in this way, and even when you do see the signs it can feel challenging to escape. You might even wonder if it’s possible for you to feel better.
If this sounds familiar to you, know this: you are not alone, you can recover, and you can take back control of your life.
Recognizing the signs of emotional abuse is the first step to recovery. In this article, you’ll learn what emotional abuse is, how to recognize the signs of it, the effects it can have, and how to begin healing from emotional trauma.
What Is Emotional Abuse?
This type of abuse is most often seen in romantic relationships but can also occur in families and working relationships. Even though emotional abuse doesn’t leave visible marks like bruises, the mental and emotional scars can be just as painful and long-lasting, if not more.2
Signs of Emotional Abuse in Adults
The abuser is often a skilled manipulator, so you may not realize what’s happening. For example, they may have seemed like a perfect partner at the start. So caring, kind, loving, and attentive, wanting the best for you. But then, things began to change. Their “care” became control. They criticized you constantly, telling you what you should or shouldn’t do. They got angry when you didn’t dedicate all your time to them. You might even think you are to blame for all the problems in the relationship. You think “It’s not that bad, other people have it worse.” But we all deserve respect and kindness, including you. If you are being abused, know this: it isn’t your fault.
Below are some red flags that can help you to tell if you’re being manipulated, controlled, and abused emotionally. You don’t have to experience all of them – just a few of them consistently is a sign of emotional abuse.
Physical Signs of Emotional Abuse3
Some aspects of emotional abuse can be physical without leaving a mark, such as throwing objects to scare you, kicking or punching walls, driving dangerously with you in the car, or threatening to destroy your belongings. These are all tactics to make you feel scared so they can control you.
Behavioral Symptoms of Emotional Abuse4
Control is key for emotional abusers, and they typically will do anything to keep it. They may prevent you from having time alone or seeing friends or family, isolating you from others. When you do go out, they may constantly check in with you. They might accuse you of things like cheating, without evidence. They may check your phone or want to install a location tracker app to keep tabs on you.
If you feel like you’re being constantly criticized or picked on, you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship. They might humiliate or ridicule you either in private, in front of family and friends, or in public to gain more control over you.
Emotional Signs of Emotional Abuse5
At first, they may have been very caring and loving. However, it might feel different now. Perhaps they seem to always be jealous and possessive of you. Or the things they say and do make you feel ashamed of yourself and humiliated. Often in an emotionally abusive relationship, your self-esteem slowly gets eaten away, leaving you full of feelings of self-doubt and worthlessness. The gaslighting may leave you questioning your sense of reality. What’s more, they might say things like:
- ‘That’s not what happened’
- ‘You’re crazy’
- ‘You’re not remembering that right’
Potential Long-Term Effects of Emotional Abuse
Having nightmares of what you’ve been through- Trouble sleeping
- Difficulty concentrating
- Physical aches
You may think that you don’t deserve love or respect, that you’re worthless. You’ve had your trust broken and been manipulated by another person. Even the thought of letting another person into your life may be too scary for you to consider. After all, you may not want to get hurt or for this to happen again. You might even think that you caused the abuse somehow, that you only got abused because you did something wrong or allowed it.6
If this is the case for you, it’s important to know that you did nothing wrong.
Overcoming Emotional Abuse: Healing From Trauma
Although it may feel like you cannot escape, you can leave the abusive relationship, and you can start to heal. Perhaps you have already realized that the relationship isn’t good for you any longer, but you’re scared of leaving. You’re worried about children, family, finances, or what other people will think. It’s important to know that leaving is possible.
The first step in doing so is to acknowledge that you have been abused emotionally. It’s common to be in denial, but realizing the truth is necessary for healing. Once you realize that, you can start to think about how you want your life to be from now on. You can think about how to move away from the abusive relationship, putting things in place to protect yourself and taking control of your life back.
Therapy Treatment for Emotional Trauma
Emotional abuse counseling is a terrific way to start your healing process. It gives you a safe space to be able to talk about what you’ve been through and can help you learn the tools and strategies you will need to process the trauma and rebuild your life.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for emotional abuse recovery can be useful to help you understand the type of thought patterns caused by the abuse (for example, it’s all my fault, I’m never good enough) and to work on developing new ways of thinking. It can help you to improve the beliefs you have about yourself, and the ways you cope with what life brings to you.
5 Tips for Coping With Emotional Trauma Outside of Therapy
Emotional trauma can have a significant impact on your life. Here are 5 top tips of ways you can support yourself alongside therapy.
1. Create a Safe Space
Find a space that can be safe for you, away from your abusive partner. This can give you the space to heal and identify what to do next.
2. Set Boundaries
Learn to set and keep healthy boundaries with people around you. This may look like taking time out for yourself, saying “no” more often, or not allowing your partner to speak to you in disrespectful or hurtful ways. If you can, cut ties with the person abusing you and do not engage with them.
3. Build a Support Network
Talking can make a world of difference. Finding someone you can trust and open up to, whether that’s a family member, friend, therapist, or an online support group, will make a difference. You can feel connected to people again, be heard and seen, and have them understand what you’ve gone through and how you want your future to look.
4. Make Time for Self-Care
Make time to take care of yourself because your needs deserve attention. Cover the basics like making sure you get enough sleep, eating some healthy food, and incorporating some movement into your daily life. Find the hobbies you love doing and pick them up again. Look after your needs, you deserve to feel happy.
5. Remind Yourself That It Takes Time
Be kind to yourself, and know that healing takes time. It won’t be a linear recovery, ups and downs are to be expected, but they are totally normal. Celebrate every step forward you take, it’s all progress!
Let Us Support You to Overcome Emotional Abuse
If you can relate to some of the problems described here, know that you can reach out to us for confidential support and advice. The team at Mission Connection Healthcare has a hotline you can call, where you’ll find a friendly ear ready to listen at the end of the phone, along with more information about our treatment center, resources, and services available for you.
Remember that you’re not alone. You deserve support, and at Mission Connection Healthcare, we’re here to help.
References
- Black, M. B. (2011). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS): 2010 summary report. Atlanta, GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
- Dye, H. L. (2019). Is emotional abuse as harmful as physical and/or sexual abuse? Journal of Child & Adolescent Trauma, 13(4), 399–407. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40653-019-00292-y
- National Network to End Domestic Violence. (2025, February 6). Forms of abuse – NNEDV. https://nnedv.org/content/forms-of-abuse
- Marshall, L. L. (1996). Psychological abuse of women: Six distinct clusters. Journal of Family Violence, 11(4), 379–409. https://doi.org/10.1007/bf02333424
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline. (2023, July 4). What is gaslighting? https://www.thehotline.org/resources/what-is-gaslighting/
- Radell, M. L., Abo Hamza, E. G., Daghustani, W. H., Perveen, A., & Moustafa, A. A. (2021). The Impact of Different Types of Abuse on Depression. Depression research and treatment, 6654503. https://doi.org/10.1155/2021/6654503
