How to Start the Conversation: Approaching a Loved One About Mental Health Treatment
Talking about mental health with a loved one can feel like walking on eggshells, so how do you start the conversation without making things worse?
More than one in five adults in the U.S. live with a mental illness, yet many hide their struggles, making it hard for family and friends to know they need help.1 Whether it’s your friend or family member, starting a conversation about seeking mental health can be one of the most challenging – but essential – conversations you ever have.
On this page, we’ll discuss how to talk to a loved one about mental health, showing you the signs that your loved one might be struggling, ways to prepare for the conversation, and how to approach the topic with empathy. We’ll also share tips for discussing therapy, and touch on some common concerns that crop up in conversations.
By the end, you’ll feel more confident about how to talk to your loved one about getting the help they need and deserve.
Recognizing the Signs of Mental Health Struggles
Feeling sad or down- Being confused
- Excessive worrying
- Sudden mood changes
- Withdrawing from friends and activities
- Appetite or changes
- Tiredness or sleep issues
- Changes in drinking or smoking
- Unexplained aches and pains
- Suicidal thoughts
You may be wondering why they don’t just get help for their struggles? There can be a couple of reasons. They may not recognize the symptoms in themselves. You may have heard the expression “Can’t see the wood for the trees” – it means that a person is sometimes so focused on small details that they can’t see the bigger picture. By recognizing the symptoms, you can help them to see if there is a bigger picture to look at.
Another reason people don’t seek help is they are worried about the stigma. Mental health issues can be seen by some people as signs of weakness. They might worry that people will think they are ‘crazy’ if they tell them how they are feeling. This can make people scared to get the help they need.
It’s important to talk about mental health, so let’s look at how to prepare for the conversation.
6 Tips on Preparing for the Conversation
Talking about mental health may feel outside of your comfort zone, but like anything new, preparation is key. That’s why we’ve come up with 6 tips to boost your confidence for when it happens. When planning how to have a constructive mental health conversation with someone, use these to help you prepare.
1. Choosing the Right Time and Setting
2. Understanding Mental Health Conditions
Are you planning to have the conversation because you’ve noticed some of the signs of mental health struggles in your friend? Fear can make talking about your problems feel daunting, but knowing about mental health and how common it is to have struggles can help you feel more confident and comfortable talking about it.4
3. Prepare Yourself Emotionally
Let’s face it – you don’t know what your loved one is going to say. They might be glad that you have been able to see through their mask and recognize their struggles. They may be offended that you think they have a problem. There are many unknowns, so it can be useful to prepare yourself emotionally. You can’t predict what they will say, you aren’t a mind-reader, but what happens if they say something that you don’t like? It’s important to stay calm for your loved one and to show them you are there to help them.
4. Plan What to Say
Have an idea of what you want to say, whether that’s expressing your concern, telling them what you’ve noticed, or sharing if you’ve experienced mental health struggles before. Don’t worry – we have some conversation starters and questions you can ask coming up later on.
5. Have Empathy and Patience
Sometimes, we get caught up trying to ‘fix’ the other person’s problems, and forget to really listen to them. Empathy lets you understand a person from their own point of view. You can put your own feelings to one side, and listen to what the other person is saying to truly understand them. Make sure that you’re ready to listen and be patient with them. It might be the first time they are talking about their problems, so they may need some time to think about things when you ask them questions. Stay calm, be patient, be there for them.
6. Focus on ‘I’ Statements
Initiating the Conversation: Key Strategies
Ensure it’s the right time and place. As much as possible, make sure it’s the right time and place. Your phone is on silent already, maybe you’re both sitting in the lounge with a cup of coffee feeling comfortable and relaxed. Approaching mental health topics with friends can feel scary, but they don’t have to be.
Express your concern. Let them know how you feel and what you’ve noticed. Be direct, don’t blame or accuse them of anything. Some conversation starter ideas are:
I’ve missed hanging out with you recently, is everything ok?- I’m worried about you, can we talk about what you’re going through?
- It seems like you’re going through a difficult time. How can I help?
- I’ve been thinking about you and wanted to check in with how you’re doing.
- I’ve noticed you seem more tired recently, and I’m a bit worried. How are you feeling?
- I care about you, and just wanted to know if you’re ok.
Encourage open communication. Ask open-ended questions when talking to a partner about their mental health to help them open up. Give them the space, time, and opportunity to express themselves. You don’t want them to feel like you are grilling them for information. Let them share as much, or as little, as they want to.8
Be patient and respectful. They may need some time to think about your questions. Don’t rush them or interrupt them. You don’t need to fill every gap or silence in the conversation. Remember how to talk about mental health without stigma. Don’t judge them and don’t make assumptions about how they’re feeling. Remind them that you are there for them, you care about them, and you want to help them. Show that you understand what they are telling you by saying things like “I hear you”, “I understand”, “That sounds really difficult”, or “I’m here for you”.
Offer practical support. If they say that they think they need help but aren’t sure where to start, you could offer to help them take the first step to making an appointment or finding out information about how to help them.9 You could say things like:
What can I do to help?- How can I make things feel slightly easier?
- Can I help you to make an appointment?
- Would you like me to come there with you?
How to Discuss Therapy Options With Someone
Therapy can be an effective treatment for people with mental health conditions. It can reduce symptoms and teach coping strategies to people. There are a variety of therapeutic approaches available, including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and mindfulness, to name just a few. Different therapies can benefit different conditions and different people, so it’s good to research what is available for you.
Also, therapy isn’t just in-person anymore – you can have virtual therapy appointments. These can flexibly fit into your schedule, and bring you access to specialists and therapies that may not be available in your local area.10
You can help your loved one with this research, but ultimately it will be up to them to decide what they believe is best for them.
Common Concerns and Obstacles You May Face
Talking about mental health isn’t always smooth sailing – there may be obstacles that come up. Perhaps your partner really doesn’t think they have a problem, or your friend is offended that you think they might be depressed or anxious. They might categorically refuse any help you offer. If they are adamant they don’t want help, or they think you are criticizing them, you can respond with empathy.
Reassure them that you’re there to support them, not to judge them. If they want help but are worried about what it will involve, you can let them know that you hear their concerns. It can be scary trying new things, and they don’t need to make any changes today. You are there for them if they want to come back and talk about things or research anything in the future. Leave the door open for them.
Get Guidance on Supporting Someone Who’s Struggling
Starting the conversation is an important first step in getting help – know that your love and support will make a difference to those you care about. Having these conversations can also be emotionally taxing for you, so remember to look after yourself as well. You matter, and you deserve to get the support and care that you need as well.
If you could use some extra support, we are here to help you. We know that mental health can affect people in different ways, which is why we offer a range of treatment approaches so that we can find the best way to support you. Some of our services include:
- Short-term inpatient stays for emergencies or severe symptoms
- Partial hospitalization with treatment in the daytime and evenings in the comfort of your own home
- Intensive outpatient programs with multiple weekly sessions
- Outpatient services like online therapy, CBT, and DBT
We offer a range of payment options to help ease any concerns over the cost of mental health treatment because we believe that you should be able to get the help you need when you need it.
Get in touch today to start your healing journey.
References
- National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). (n.d.). Mental illness. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/mental-illness
- Mayo Clinic. (n.d.). Mental illness – Symptoms and causes. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/mental-illness/symptoms-causes/syc-20374968
- Rethink Mental Illness. (n.d.). How to support someone living with a mental illness. https://www.rethink.org/advice-and-information/carers-hub/advice-for-loved-ones-and-carers/supporting-someone-with-a-mental-illness/
- NHS. (n.d.). Help others with mental health problems – Every Mind Matters. https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/supporting-others/helping-others/
- Johnston, E. (2023, November 25). What are ‘I feel’ statements? Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-are-feeling-statements-425163
- Commonwealth of Massachusetts. (n.d.). How do I talk to a friend or family member about mental health? Mass.gov. https://www.mass.gov/info-details/how-do-i-talk-to-a-friend-or-family-member-about-mental-health
- SAMHSA. (n.d.). How to talk about mental health – friends and family members. https://www.samhsa.gov/mental-health/what-is-mental-health/how-to-talk/friends-and-family
- Mental Health Foundation. (n.d.). How to support someone with a mental health problem. https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/articles/how-support-someone-mental-health-problem
- Mind. (n.d.). How to help someone seek mental health support. https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/seeking-help-for-a-mental-health-problem/helping-someone-else-seek-help/
- Andrilla, C. H. A., Patterson, D. G., Garberson, L. A., Coulthard, C., & Larson, E. H. (2018). Geographic variation in the supply of selected behavioral health providers. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 54(6), S199–S207. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.amepre.2018.01.004
