Perfectionism in Adults: Signs, Causes, and Coping Strategies
We may often think of perfectionism in adults as traits like having high standards or a strong work ethic. But for many adults, perfectionism becomes a source of stress and self-criticism.
Perfectionism goes beyond simply wanting to do well. It’s an internal pressure for us to be flawless, combined with harsh self-criticism when we feel we’re not meeting those standards. Over time, no matter how much we achieve, this perfectionist mindset can lead us to not feeling “good enough,” potentially resulting in issues like burnout, anxiety, and depression.
If perfectionism has taken over your day-to-day life, influencing your ability to function and self-worth, professional mental health support can help challenge these unrealistic standards.
This page could also help, as it can work as a guide for better understanding perfectionism in adults, exploring:
- What adult perfectionism is and how it impacts mental health
- Types of perfectionism
- Common signs of perfectionism in adults
- The causes of perfectionism
- Overcoming perfectionistic tendencies
- Answers to commonly asked questions about adult perfectionism
What Is Perfectionism and Its Impact on Mental Health?
While, in general, striving to do well is healthy, maladaptive perfectionism is driven by fear and self-criticism. Therefore, if you’re someone who exhibits perfectionistic tendencies, you’re likely to hold yourself to impossible standards and tie your self-worth to productivity, appearance, or success.
Research shows that mental health and perfectionism are closely linked. For example, perfectionism can intensify emotional struggles such as:
Depression: Researchers believe that perfectionism and depression are connected because constantly being on alert for mistakes prolongs our reaction to stress.2 So, persistent self-criticism and a sense of failure can lead to hopelessness and loss of motivation. Even small mistakes may feel devastating, reinforcing feelings of inadequacy.- Anxiety: Perfectionism and anxiety fuel each other because the fear of disappointing others or making errors can create a cycle of constant worry and hypervigilance.3 This cycle typically makes it hard to relax or enjoy success.
- Burnout: Perfectionism drives us to keep working; persisting until something is “just right.” This can lead to a pattern of continuous overworking and people-pleasing that could drain emotional and physical energy, leaving little time for rest or self-care.
- Low self-worth: Studies show that the higher the levels of perfectionism, the lower the self-esteem.4 This is because, when self-esteem depends solely on achievement, even minor setbacks can lead to harsh self-judgment and shame.
Patterns of perfectionism can leave us feeling like we’re stuck in an endless cycle of striving and self-doubt. The result is a loop of overcontrol and emotional disconnection that prevents genuine satisfaction or rest.
Types of Adult Perfectionism
Perfectionism doesn’t look the same for everyone. Some people might direct their high standards inwards, while others may project them onto the people around them or feel external pressure to meet impossible expectations.
When we understand the types of perfectionism, we can identify where our patterns come from and how to change them. The following are the different types of perfectionism in adults:
1. Self-Oriented Perfectionism
This type of perfectionism centers on demanding perfection from ourselves. For instance, when we have self-oriented perfectionism, we’re likely to set excessively high personal goals and may feel intense guilt or shame when they fall short.5 Common patterns for self-oriented perfectionism include:
Feeling like accomplishments are never good enough- Fearing failure and avoiding risks or new experiences
- Engaging in harsh self-talk or constant self-evaluation
While self-motivation can be a strength, this version of perfectionism often leads to chronic anxiety, exhaustion, and an inability to celebrate success.
2. Other-Oriented Perfectionism
This type involves placing unrealistic expectations on others, such as partners, coworkers, children, or friends, and feeling frustrated or disappointed when your standards of others aren’t met.6
Common patterns of other-oriented perfectionism include:
Micromanaging tasks or struggling to delegate- Criticizing or withdrawing from others when they make mistakes
- Having difficulty empathizing with others’ imperfections
Other-oriented perfectionism can strain relationships and create emotional distance, as it focuses more on control than connection.
3. Socially Prescribed Perfectionism
This form of perfectionism stems from the feeling that others, such as family, society, or employers, expect us to be flawless. The pressure to meet these perceived standards often leads to people-pleasing, overachievement, or hiding vulnerability. Common patterns of this type include:
Believing that acceptance or love depends on success or appearance- Comparing oneself constantly to peers or social media images
- Experiencing anxiety, imposter syndrome, or burnout
Socially prescribed perfectionism can make people feel trapped in a cycle of performance and fear of judgment.
Many adults experience a mix of these types of perfectionism, shifting between internal pressure and external expectations depending on the situation. Recognizing which forms resonate with you is often the first step toward breaking the perfectionism cycle and cultivating healthier motivation.
Common Signs of Perfectionism in Adults
Perfectionism often hides in everyday habits – overthinking, overworking, or holding yourself to impossible standards. While striving for excellence can be healthy, perfectionism becomes harmful when it fuels anxiety, self-criticism, or emotional exhaustion. Recognizing the signs can be the first step toward change.
Common signs of perfectionism in adults include:
- Constant self-criticism and fear of making mistakes: Even small errors can trigger guilt or embarrassment.
- Procrastination or avoidance: Fear of failure could make it hard to start or finish tasks.
- All-or-nothing thinking: Success and failure may feel black and white – like anything less than perfect is unacceptable.
- Overworking and difficulty relaxing: Productivity may become tied to self-worth, making rest feel undeserved.
- Chronic dissatisfaction: Achievements might rarely bring lasting fulfillment.
- Sensitivity to feedback or comparison: Criticism or others’ success could feel threatening.
- Difficulty delegating or trusting others: The belief that “no one else can do it right” may lead to burnout.
Perfectionism can show up at work, in relationships, or at home – anywhere you feel pressure to perform flawlessly. Over time, these patterns can contribute to mental health challenges, leaving little room for rest, self-compassion, or healing.
Causes of Perfectionism
Common causes of perfectionism include:
Early family dynamics: Growing up with high expectations, critical feedback, or conditional love can teach children to equate performance with worth. For example, this form of dynamic may lead to beliefs such as I’m only good if I succeed.- Trauma or fear of rejection: Some people develop perfectionism as a way to avoid judgment, abandonment, or emotional pain.
- Achievement culture: Societal pressure to constantly excel can reinforces the idea that rest or imperfection equals failure.
- Personality traits: Natural conscientiousness, attention to detail, or sensitivity can be strengths that become rigid under stress.7
- Genetics: Genetics may play a role in whether or not we develop perfectionist traits. In fact, research shows that our genetics could contribute to 23% to 30% of self-oriented perfectionism and 39% to 42% of socially prescribed perfectionism.8
- Social media and comparison: Curated images of success can make others’ lives appear flawless, fueling feelings of inadequacy.
Perfectionism often masks deeper emotional needs: the desire to feel accepted, loved, or in control. Understanding these roots can be a powerful step toward healing.
Therapy and Strategies for Coping With Perfectionism
Overcoming perfectionism isn’t about lowering your standards – it’s about learning to value progress, balance, and authenticity over flawlessness.
Many adults find that their perfectionistic habits are deeply tied to emotional regulation and self-worth. By focusing on therapy for perfectionism, people can begin to understand why they strive for control or approval and how to build more compassionate ways of relating to themselves and others.
Below are several evidence-based approaches that help promote emotional regulation and perfectionism recovery:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) For Perfectionism
Mindfulness and Acceptance-Based Therapies
Behavioral Strategies For Change
Behavioral techniques can help perfectionists gradually face the discomfort of “imperfection.” Examples of these techniques include submitting work before it feels ready, allowing visible mistakes, or setting realistic deadlines. This is like a type of exposure therapy to help reduce anxiety, build tolerance for uncertainty, and promote healthier emotional regulation and perfectionism management.
Emotional Regulation and Self-Compassion
Perfectionism often emerges when emotions like shame, fear, or disappointment feel intolerable. Therapy teaches us to regulate our nervous system through grounding exercises, deep breathing, and compassionate self-talk. As self-compassion and perfectionism work together, we can learn to see mistakes as opportunities for growth rather than proof of failure.
Healing Perfectionism in Relationships
Perfectionism doesn’t just affect the self – it often impacts communication, vulnerability, and connection with others. Many people struggle with perfectionism in relationships, fearing judgment or rejection if they appear flawed. Therapy can help rebuild trust, foster authenticity, and encourage healthier boundaries and emotional expression.
Regardless of which form of therapy for perfectionism is suited to your needs, you can discover that progress – not perfection – creates genuine confidence and peace of mind.
Mission Connection: Professional Support for Overcoming Perfectionism
Perfectionism typically creates cycles of self-doubt, overachievement, and fear of failure. Therefore, living with perfectionism can feel exhausting. At Mission Connection, we recognize that these patterns are not about weakness or vanity but often about coping with deeper emotional wounds and unmet needs. Our approach to support for perfectionistic individuals helps you develop healthier ways to relate to yourself and others through evidence-based, compassionate care.
Whether you’re struggling with overworking, fear of failure, or chronic self-criticism, our perfectionism recovery strategies are designed to help you find balance and resilience. Through therapy, you can learn that your worth doesn’t depend on flawless performance – but on being real, present, and whole.
If perfectionism is affecting your mental health or relationships, you don’t have to manage it alone. Contact Mission Connection today to learn how our compassionate therapists can help you release unrealistic expectations, strengthen emotional balance, and rediscover a more grounded, fulfilling way of living.
FAQs About Adult Perfectionism
While we hope that this page helped you better understand the signs and causes of adult perfectionism, it’s natural to still have some pressing concerns. For this reason, we’re provided responses to FAQs to help resolve any worries you might still have.
1. Is Perfectionism Considered a Mental Health Disorder?
Perfectionism itself isn’t a diagnosable mental health disorder, but it is often linked to conditions such as anxiety, depression, and obsessive-compulsive tendencies. When perfectionism interferes with daily life, self-esteem, or relationships, therapy can help address the underlying emotional and behavioral patterns that sustain it.
2. What Causes Someone to Become a Perfectionist?
Perfectionism can develop from early life experiences, personality traits, or social pressures. Many people grow up in environments where love or approval feels tied to achievement. Others might internalize cultural messages that equate success with self-worth. Over time, these beliefs can create a fear of failure and an inability to accept mistakes.
3. How Do I Stop Being So Hard on Myself?
Developing self-compassion and perfectionism awareness is key. Start by noticing your inner critic and responding as you would to a friend – with kindness instead of blame. Grounding exercises, mindfulness, and affirmations can also help you regulate emotions when perfectionistic thoughts arise. Over time, small acts of self-acceptance can shift deeply ingrained patterns of harsh self-judgment.
4. How Does Perfectionism Affect Relationships?
Perfectionism in relationships can make it difficult to express vulnerability or accept imperfections in others. You may avoid intimacy, overcontrol situations, or fear disappointing your partner. Therapy can help uncover the underlying fears driving these behaviors and teach healthier communication and emotional openness.
5. Does Mission Connection Provide Treatment for Perfectionism?
Yes. Mission Connection offers personalized therapy for perfectionism that can integrate CBT, mindfulness, and emotion-focused approaches. Our clinicians help you to build self-awareness, emotional resilience, and healthier relationships with yourself and others. We focus on helping you let go of unrealistic expectations and embrace a more grounded, compassionate way of living.
References
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- Suh, H., Liou, P., Jeong, J., & Kim, S. Y. (2022). Perfectionism, Prolonged stress reactivity, and Depression: A Two-Wave Cross-Lagged Analysis. Journal of Rational-Emotive & Cognitive-Behavior Therapy, 42(1), 54–68. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10942-022-00483-x
- Lunn, J., Greene, D., Callaghan, T., & Egan, S. J. (2023). Associations between perfectionism and symptoms of anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression in young people: a meta-analysis. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, 52(5), 460–487. https://doi.org/10.1080/16506073.2023.2211736
- Khossousi, V., Greene, D., Shafran, R., Callaghan, T., Dickinson, S., & Egan, S. J. (2024). The relationship between perfectionism and self-esteem in adults: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapy, 1–20. https://doi.org/10.1017/s1352465824000249
- Stoeber, J., Feast, A. R., & Hayward, J. A. (2009). Self-oriented and socially prescribed perfectionism: Differential relationships with intrinsic and extrinsic motivation and test anxiety. Personality and Individual Differences, 47(5), 423–428. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2009.04.014
- Stricker, J., Kritzler, S., & Buecker, S. (2019). Other-oriented perfectionism in daily life situations: An experience sampling study. Personality and Individual Differences, 151, 109490. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2019.06.033
- Smith, M. M., Sherry, S. B., Vidovic, V., Saklofske, D. H., Stoeber, J., & Benoit, A. (2019). Perfectionism and the Five-Factor Model of Personality: A Meta-Analytic Review. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 23(4), 367–390. https://doi.org/10.1177/1088868318814973
- Iranzo-Tatay, C., Gimeno-Clemente, N., Barberá-Fons, M., Rodriguez-Campayo, M. Á., Rojo-Bofill, L., Livianos-Aldana, L., Beato-Fernandez, L., Vaz-Leal, F., & Rojo-Moreno, L. (2015). Genetic and environmental contributions to perfectionism and its common factors. Psychiatry Research, 230(3), 932–939. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychres.2015.11.020
- Riley, C., Lee, M., Cooper, Z., Fairburn, C. G., & Shafran, R. (2006). A randomised controlled trial of cognitive-behaviour therapy for clinical perfectionism: A preliminary study. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 45(9), 2221–2231. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2006.12.003
- Bluth, K., & Blanton, P. W. (2013). Mindfulness and Self-Compassion: Exploring Pathways to Adolescent Emotional Well-Being. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 23(7), 1298–1309. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-013-9830-2