Jealousy & Insecurity in Adults: Causes, Symptoms, and Solutions

October 14, 2025

Authored by: Daniel Hoadley, B.S. Psychology

Edited by: Jemma Strain, B.S. Psychology

Jealousy often gets a bad rap, but the truth is, it’s perfectly normal to feel a little jealous from time to time. However, when jealousy in adults goes unchecked, it can become harmful, both for the person feeling it and for those around them.

Jealousy is a complex emotion by itself, but it’s also often linked to several mental health conditions in which insecurity plays a major role. This complicated relationship can have a significant impact on physical and emotional well-being, relationships, and self-esteem.

If you’re concerned about patterns of jealousy in yourself or a loved one, advice from a mental health professional could help you regain control. This page can also help you better understand jealousy in adults and its links to insecurity, covering:

The difference between envy and jealousy
The evolutionary benefits of jealousy
When jealousy turns into something negative
Understanding the link between insecurity and jealousy
Psychiatric conditions linked to insecurity
Therapy for jealousy and insecurity
How Mission Connection helps treat insecurity

What’s the Difference Between Envy and Jealousy?

Many people use the terms “jealousy” and “envy” interchangeably, so it can help to start by clearing up the difference between the two.

Envy appears when we want something someone else has,¹ perhaps their success or appearance, and we feel an uncomfortable gap between us and them.

For example, imagine a friend who seems to have their career perfectly figured out while you’re still trying to find your footing. You might genuinely like them and even celebrate their “life wins,” but a small part of you wishes you were in their position. This is envy in a nutshell – a touch of longing for something that isn’t yours.

Jealousy, on the other hand, typically involves a third person and usually surfaces when the relationship with something or someone we already have feels threatened.¹

Take, for example, your partner laughing with someone at a party, and you start to feel a little uneasy. Nothing has really happened that should put you on red alert, but something about the situation has made you feel a little jealous. In this situation, you’re not wishing for something you don’t have; you’re afraid of losing what you do.

However, jealousy isn’t just confined to intimate relationships, as it could appear across many different areas of life, like:²

Workplace jealousy
Sexual jealousy
Sibling jealousy
Power jealousy
Family Jealousy

Is Jealousy Always a Bad Thing?

There’s a good reason why we’re told that jealousy is a bad trait, as it can lead to stress, anxiety, bitterness, and outbursts of anger. Therefore, jealousy certainly can be negative. But it’s not always inherently bad.

As is the case with all emotions, jealousy doesn’t just randomly appear as a trait without purpose. In fact, some evolutionary researchers have described jealousy as: “…a state that is aroused by a perceived threat to a valued relationship or position and motivates behavior aimed at countering the threat.”³

In other words, jealousy may function as a “wake-up call,” prompting action to preserve bonds. So, even though it may be an evolutionary trait, in today’s world, it may still motivate us to take positive steps.

For example, in the context of “mate retention,” a study finds that jealousy can correlate with expressions of admiration for the person’s partner and signals of how much they care.⁴ In this way, jealousy can drive positive behaviors, which can strengthen bonds.

Therefore, there are clearly two sides to jealousy. However, there’s certainly a line where the trait can shift from being natural and “normal” to problematic and worrying.

When Jealousy Turns Into an Issue

While moderate jealousy can sometimes motivate us, in many real-world situations, it may morph into something harmful. Research shows that jealousy is tied to various negative outcomes. For example:

In a study distinguishing positive vs negative jealousy, negative jealousy was found to be associated with “intrusive behaviors, harassment, [and] domestic violence.”⁵
An overview of literature noted that violence and jealousy were connected by how jealousy plays a direct role in motivating certain behaviors. Unfortunately, in some instances, these behaviors were physically aggressive.⁶
Another study of relationship quality found a negative link between jealousy and how healthy or satisfying relationships were.⁷ In other words, more jealousy often meant worse relationship outcomes.

Based on these findings, if left unchecked, jealousy could grow into something consuming – a state known as “obsessive” or “pathological” jealousy. This form of jealousy can be irrational and persistent, and is specifically seen in relationships.⁸

For example, pathological jealousy can involve fixed false beliefs that a partner is being unfaithful, even when there’s no evidence to support this. It can also be triggered by “normal partner behaviors” and be kept alive by distorted reasoning patterns, sometimes reaching a level of severity that requires hospital treatment.⁸

Further, pathological jealousy could be compared to obsessive forms of love. In these situations, it often drives damaging thoughts and behaviors that strain or even destroy relationships.8 Finally, many people experiencing pathological jealousy also often have other overlapping mental health conditions, showing how deeply rooted this kind of jealousy can be.

As soon as jealousy reaches this stage, the original intentions, such as love and protection, can fade away, leaving control and the person’s inner conflict as the driving forces. At the heart of this inner conflict typically lies insecurity, a trait that appears across many psychiatric conditions.

What Is Insecurity?

Insecurity is a lingering sense of uncertainty about a person’s own worth or place in the world. It can begin as a single doubt that slowly grows until it starts to shape how a person sees themselves and the people around them. In other words, insecurity can seep into thinking patterns and influence how situations are interpreted.

Common signs of insecurity include:

Constant comparison
Approval-seeking
Overthinking interactions
Fear of rejection
Low self-worth
Jealous or possessive thoughts

Insecurity rarely develops without cause, and while it can be a fleeting feeling for some, certain mental health conditions are known to magnify this state. But what are these conditions?

Insecurity Causes: The Mental Health Conditions Linked to Insecurity

Understanding how psychiatric conditions link with insecurity can be a key step towards finding the right treatment. This connection isn’t always easy to grasp, but considering the symptoms of certain conditions can help make the process a little clearer.

Social Anxiety and Jealousy

Social anxiety disorder is an anxiety condition marked by an intense fear of social situations where one might be judged or criticised.⁹ Adults living with social anxiety may struggle with low self-esteem and deep insecurities about how others perceive them. For example, they might judge themselves harshly and worry excessively about being rejected, which can reinforce a negative self-image over time.⁹

How Does Social Anxiety Link to Jealousy?

Insecurity within social anxiety can easily spill over into jealousy, especially in close relationships. For instance, when someone doubts their own value, they may begin to fear that a partner or friend will prefer someone else.¹⁰

For instance, let’s go back to the party analogy from earlier:

A person with social anxiety might feel jealous if their partner chats with a stranger at a party. Not because they suspect something is going on, but because their anxiety convinces them they’re less interesting or less worthy by comparison.

This kind of jealousy is usually irrational – fed by fear rather than fact – and centered around losing affection due to perceived shortcomings. Therefore, therapy for jealousy often focuses on rebuilding self-esteem, since strengthening a person’s sense of self can help reduce these jealous responses.¹¹

Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline personality disorder is characterized by unstable moods and an intense fear of abandonment.¹² Therefore, one of its defining features is separation insecurity – a heightened sensitivity to even the smallest hint of rejection or distance from loved ones.12

Additionally, people with BPD often struggle with a fragile sense of self and fluctuating feelings about their worth and lovability. They may also swing between idealising and devaluing others, driven by the deep fear that they’ll eventually be left alone.¹²

How Does BPD Link to Jealousy?

The fear of abandonment in BPD can make people with the condition especially vulnerable to jealousy. In fact, research shows that people with BPD traits often experience jealousy that borders on suspicion or a lack of trust. So, they might fixate on the idea of betrayal despite little or no evidence.10 This kind of jealousy typically stems directly from insecurity and the desperate need for reassurance.

For instance, imagine someone with BPD who becomes panicked when their partner doesn’t reply to a message straight away. In their mind, this delay might become proof of rejection.

Unlike ordinary jealousy, which tends to appear in response to genuine threats, jealousy in BPD can take on a paranoid edge.¹⁰ If this is the case, it may be driven by thoughts like, Please don’t leave me; I couldn’t handle it. As a result of such thoughts, possessive and sometimes aggressive efforts may be made to hold on to a relationship at any cost.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Narcissistic personality disorder is defined by a need for admiration and a sense of grandiosity, yet beneath this exterior often lies a layer of deep insecurity. People with NPD may have fragile self-esteem and be highly sensitive to criticism or perceived failure, even if they appear composed on the surface.¹³ Their self-worth often depends heavily on external validation, as they may need others’ praise to feel good about themselves.

In fact, research shows that narcissists, particularly those with the more vulnerable subtype, are often insecure despite their outward appearance.¹⁴ Therefore, when validation is missing or if someone else achieves success, someone with NPD’s underlying insecurities could surface as feelings of humiliation or inadequacy.

How Does NPD Link to Jealousy?

Because people with narcissism typically base their self-worth on being admired, they’re particularly susceptible to jealousy and envy.¹³ In fact, feeling envious of others, or assuming others are envious of them, is one of the diagnostic features of NPD. This may be the result of how insecurity can make it difficult to handle someone else’s success or attention.¹³

For example, a narcissistic person might feel a surge of jealousy if a colleague wins an award, as it threatens their own fragile sense of superiority.

Further, in relationships, jealousy can manifest as controlling or possessive behavior, where someone tries to dominate their partner’s attention to maintain a sense of importance.¹³

Jealousy in NPD isn’t really about fear of loss; it centers more around preserving the admiration that props up their self-esteem.

Therapy for Jealousy: How Is Insecurity Treated?

Clinicians don’t treat insecurity as its own diagnosis. When it starts to take over someone’s life, therapists usually look for what’s sitting underneath – often a personality disorder or an anxiety disorder. The focus then shifts to treating this root cause while helping the person build a steadier, more confident sense of self.

Some of the main approaches for insecurity and jealousy in adults include:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT can help people spot the thought patterns that keep insecurity going and replace them with healthier ones. Through tools like cognitive restructuring and behavioral experiments, it teaches how to challenge negative beliefs and handle criticism without losing confidence.

CBT skill training may even be useful for people with narcissistic personality disorder, as it has been shown to reduce the emotional swings that can come from unstable self-esteem.¹⁵

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)

When the aim is to ease fears of abandonment or strengthen identity, DBT is often the go-to approach.¹⁶ It combines one-to-one and group sessions that focus on coping skills and emotional balance, often making it a suitable choice for those suffering from BPD. DBT’s aim is to help create a calmer mindset and a stronger sense of identity, helping people feel less vulnerable when faced with uncertainty or distance from others.¹⁶

How Can Mission Connection Help With Insecurity and Jealousy in Adults?

If jealousy or insecurity are starting to affect your day-to-day life, it might be the right time to reach out for professional support. At Mission Connection, we have years of experience helping people overcome insecurity by addressing the conditions that cause it. Our treatment approaches are diverse, as insecure traits can appear across a wide range of conditions, including:

Bipolar disorder
Anxiety disorders
Depression
BPD
NPD
ADHD
And more

Our programs take place in facilities across the US, either through intensive outpatient (IOP) care or, when needed, partial hospitalisation (PHP) options.

At the heart of every one of our programs sits therapy, where we combine evidence-based approaches like CBT and DBT with individual and group sessions. Led by licensed professionals, these sessions offer understanding and guidance while helping you address the insecurity that may be affecting your life.

We also provide telehealth options for those balancing busy schedules or personal commitments, so you can receive treatment in a way that fits your life.

Reach out to Mission Connection today, and take the first step toward feeling in control of yourself again.

References

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