Limerence and Attachment: Relationship Addiction and Attachment Issues
What starts as a simple crush can, for some people, turn into an overwhelming infatuation, taking over thoughts, emotions, and actions. If this sounds familiar to you, you may have had – or are currently coping with – limerence.
Limerence was first introduced by Dorothy Tennov in her book “Love and Limerence.”1 After more than 300 interviews on the topic of being in love, the author identified the concept of limerence – when the feeling of love becomes overwhelming, intrusive, obsessive, and uncontrollable.
In layman’s terms, limerence can be described as a “love addiction,” or “relationship addiction” – a state that differs sharply from healthy love. Although first introduced in 1979, the topic hasn’t been researched extensively yet.2 However, literature gives much insight into what is limerence in psychology.
If you’re concerned that limerence is taking over your life and well-being, a mental health professional can help. This page can also work as a useful guide, exploring:
- What limerence is
- The connection between limerence and attachment theory
- Signs of relationship addiction and attachment issues
- What causes limerence
- The four stages of limerence
- Limerence symptoms and recovery strategies
- Professional support for overcoming limerence
What Is Limerence in Psychology?
In limerence, there are often two sides involved – the limerent person and the limerent object (LO). The limerent individual develops an obsessive attachment towards the LO, which typically manifests in the form of intrusive thoughts, intense longing, need for emotional reciprocation, and immense fear of rejection.3
Furthermore, the limerent person might engage in behaviors that interfere with their responsibilities and life structure. These might include constant rumination, rituals, and mood swings related to any real or imagined responses from the LO. For example, they might feel excitement when they perceive the LO to be interested or affectionate and despair when there’s assumed or actual disapproval or rejection from the LO.4
It’s important to note that limerence has been looked at as a potential risk factor for harmful interpersonal behavior, such as stalking.5 Plus, while limerence has not yet been related to violence towards the LO, it’s worth acknowledging that it might be a stepping stone to invasive behaviors (such as persistent monitoring or unwanted contact). This might be especially the case in recent years, when the internet and social media allow and normalize observing people online.5
The Differences Between Limerence vs Healthy Love
While limerence is related to being in love, it certainly goes way beyond healthy love – the state of mutual trust, respect, acceptance, and attachment. When in love, people cherish their partners and treat them with empathy, understanding, and deep care. These feelings are reciprocated, and both partners are “on the same page.”
In contrast, limerence involves one person being “too in love” with someone who does not feel the same way. The degree of uncertainty regarding the feelings of the LO is known to fuel the symptoms of limerence – the greater the uncertainty, the more intense the limerence. Another difference worth mentioning is that, while healthy love tends to persist and even deepen over time, limerence is temporary, unpredictable, and fades – even if it lasts for years.1
Limerence is not only a case of “one-sided love,” but it can also be described as “unhealthy love” – sometimes even comparable to an addiction.5 This is because the syndrome of limerence can cause significant distress to both parties. While the LO could be affected deeply by the situation, it’s often the individual who feels addicted that experiences more serious negative effects on their mental well-being. For example, they may encounter symptoms of depression and post-traumatic stress disorder, attachment anxiety, and even self-harm.5
The Link Between Limerence and Attachment Theory
The need for connection and belonging is universal, and it’s one of the strongest driving forces that motivates our behaviors as humans. This need starts manifesting from the day we are born – even as newborns, we connect socially and develop our first impressions of love.
A longstanding theory that has been growing in popularity over the last years – attachment theory – examines the way babies build their first social bonds with caregivers. Literature agrees that the way they attach to their caregivers creates a foundation for the way they experience and understand love throughout life.7,8
Therefore, there is a possible link between insecure attachment and limerence, which we discuss in detail in the following section.
Signs of Relationship Addiction & Attachment Issues
Attachment theory can be linked to almost all phenomena and contexts that concern love and bonding, and is highly relevant when it comes to limerence.
One key aspect of limerence is that someone exhibits high anxiety regarding the reciprocation of feelings from the LO and an intense fear of rejection. This anxiety is accompanied by intrusive, intense preoccupation, such as thoughts and daydreams, as well as mood shifts based on signals coming from the LO (real or imagined). These are also common features of insecure attachment – particularly the anxious-preoccupied style.9
Although attachment anxiety might be both a predictor and an outcome of limerence, an anxious attachment style refers to how someone feels and acts in relationships in general. In limerence, the symptoms are directed only towards the LO.5,6
What Causes Limerence?
While there’s no clear “cause” for limerence, research outlines that potential predictors of limerence include a combination of psychological, neurobiological, and relational factors.
Existing literature suggests that, due to insecure attachment, the limerent person seeks to resolve unmet attachment needs by desperately craving connection and reciprocity from the LO.6,8
Furthermore, limerence can be explained through neurological factors, such as elevated levels of brain chemicals linked to reward and arousal, facilitating the experience of an emotional rollercoaster.1,2 Psychological factors, such as ambiguity and uncertainty about reciprocity on the side of the LO, have also been outlined as key factors in the intensity and progression of limerence.3,5,6
The Four Stages of Limerence
While limerence’s duration is unpredictable, literature reveals that the average episode lasts between 18 months and 3 years, and that it typically progresses in the following four stages:1
1. Initiation: The limerent person becomes infatuated with the LO – usually after minimal interaction. The LO captures interest intensely, and fantasies begin to form due to a lack of clarity regarding the intentions and feelings of the LO.
2. Crystallization: The person starts to idealize the LO and becomes unable to notice flaws and red flags. They begin suffering from intrusive thoughts, emotional dependence, heightened sensitivity to cues from the LO, and strong fear of rejection. This is the most emotionally intense stage.
3. Deterioration: This is the stage in which fantasies begin to crumble due to a mismatch between reality and fantasy, rejection, or lack of reciprocation. At this stage, the person experiencing limerence is still faced with strong emotional discomfort as the fantasy falls apart. If the person experiencing limerence and the LO are in a relationship, the dissolution of the limerence episode often also ends the partnership.
4. Resolution: The limerent feelings gradually diminish. This may occur naturally over time, due to emotional burnout, or with the help of therapy. The affected person starts to regain clarity and emotional independence.
Limerence Symptoms and Recovery Strategies
Before getting into the different types of mental health support for relationship addiction, this section provides a quick summary and overview of the symptoms of love addiction.
Limerence typically manifests as:
- Intense rumination about the limerent object (LO)
- Maladaptive or excessive daydreaming about the LO
- Strong desire for intimacy and connection to the LO
- Idealization of the LO (also known as “crystallization”)
- Resistance to criticism and warning regarding the relationship
- Ecstatic reaction to any real or perceived signs of affection from the LO
- Severe emotional distress following rejection, perceived disinterest, or separation
- Compulsive preoccupation with the LO, often unconscious and uncontrollable
- Obsessive thoughts or behaviors that interfere with daily responsibilities and well-being
- One-sided emotional intensity that is not matched by the LO
Limerence Treatment Programs
Even though limerence can be a common experience, there is currently no clinical diagnosis or official treatment for it. In fact, not all clinicians are familiar with the syndrome, so it’s essential that people who seek help refer to professionals trained or specialized in the area.4
Despite the fact that there is no single, standardized approach for helping people who experience limerence, there are various therapy models and treatment programs that offer effective support. Limerence treatment programs typically focus on breaking the obsessive cycle, managing cognitive distortions, improving self-regulation, and addressing underlying attachment issues.3,10
Therapeutic programs may include interventions that focus on attachment-based treatment for love addiction, combining emotional processing with practical skills like boundary-setting and cognitive restructuring.3
Additionally, inpatient treatment for limerence may be considered if the person experiences severe distress, typically manifesting through depression, anxiety, or self-harm.
Overcoming Limerence Through Therapy
Psychological literature often compares limerence to a state of addiction and obsession – even when it comes to treatment options. Research has examined how approaches used for obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and addictions can be helpful for people suffering from limerence.3,4
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) methods that focus on exposure-response prevention, cognitive restructuring, and behavioral activation can help people manage compulsions and unrealistic beliefs related to the LO. Therefore, they can successfully reduce triggers, rumination, and cognitive distortion.3
Additionally, given the strong connection between relationship addiction and attachment issues, it makes sense that attachment-focused therapy, focused on repairing early relational wounds, could be highly beneficial. In some cases, attachment trauma and obsessive love go hand in hand, meaning that resolving the trauma and forming secure attachment could significantly reduce limerence.5
Approaches focused on cultivating mindfulness and emotion regulation might also support someone in breaking limerence and improving relationships. Research has shown that mindfulness-based interventions reduce physiological stress and stabilize mood.6,11,12 They Therefore, they could work for interrupting intrusive thought cycles associated with obsessive attachment.
Even though there are no clearly defined limerence treatment programs, recovery is possible. Many people report a reduction in symptoms through consistent therapy, building healthy boundaries, and learning to regulate and direct their focus away from the LO. Seeking distance and avoiding exposure to the LO is also a helpful strategy. For instance, people are advised not to follow or observe the LO online and to avoid any type of unnecessary contact.10
Mission Connection: Professional Support for Breaking Limerence and Improving Relationships
Experiencing limerence can feel challenging and overwhelming. Still, it’s manageable, and the outcomes of appropriate interventions and psychological support are often positive. While limerence can be a recurrent pattern for some people, in many cases, it remains a one-off experience.
At Mission Connection, we recognize the deep emotional pain that comes with obsessive relationship patterns. Our team offers compassionate, evidence-based mental health support for relationship addiction, grounded in attachment theory and trauma-informed care.
Whether you’re dealing with limerence or any type of attachment challenges or traumas, we’re here to offer support with:
- Understanding the psychological roots of your limerence
- Breaking patterns of rumination and emotional dysregulation
- Cultivating secure, healthy relationships
Reach out if you or someone you care about is struggling and needs a hand restoring emotional and mental balance. Mission Connection provides flexible therapy options to support healing in a way that fits your life.
References
- Tennov, D. (1979). Love and limerence: The experience of being in love. New York, NY: Scarborough House.
- Bradbury, P., Short, E., & Bleakley, P. (2024). Limerence, hidden obsession, fixation, and rumination: A scoping review of human behaviour. Journal of Police and Criminal Psychology, 1-10.
- Wyant, B. E. (2021). Treatment of limerence using a cognitive behavioral approach: A case study. Journal of patient experience, 8, 23743735211060812. https://doi.org/10.1177/23743735211060812
- Wakin, A., & Vo, D. B. (2008). Love-variant: The Wakin-Vo model of limerence. In 2nd Global Conference: Challenging Intimate Boundaries. Inter-Disciplinary.Net.
- Willmott, L., & Bentley, E. (2015). Exploring the lived-experience of limerence: a journey toward authenticity. The Qualitative Report, 20(1), 20-38.
- Wolf, N. R. (2017). Investigating limerence: Predictors of limerence, measure validation, and goal progress (Doctoral dissertation, University of Maryland, College Park).
- Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Lawrence Erlbaum.
- Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. Basic Books.
- Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development. Basic Books.
- Mental Health Hotline. (n.d.). Understanding limerence in therapy: What it is, how it affects us, and how therapy can help. https://mentalhealthhotline.org/understanding-limerence-in-therapy/
- Lee, M. S., Lee, J., Park, B. J., & Miyazaki, Y. (2015). Interaction with indoor plants may reduce psychological and physiological stress by suppressing autonomic nervous system activity in young adults: A randomized crossover study. Journal of Physiological Anthropology, 34, 21. https://doi.org/10.1186/s40101-015-0060-8
- Siu, A. M. H., Kam, M., & Mok, I. (2020).Horticultural therapy program for people with mental illness: A mixed-method evaluation. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 17(3), 711. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph17030711
