Approval-Seeking Behavior in Adults: Causes and Coping Strategies

October 21, 2025

Authored by: Daniel Hoadley, B.S. Psychology

Edited by: Jemma Strain, B.S. Psychology

We all look for a little reassurance now and then, like wanting feedback from friends on a new purchase or our efforts at work to be noticed. These moments can help us feel connected and valued.

But when the need for validation starts to shape decisions, or when it’s tied to deeper issues like anxiety or depression, it can begin to take a toll. This is when approval-seeking behaviors might shift from something harmless to something that starts to control our every move.

If you have a hard time making decisions by yourself or feel a deep need for others to approve of you or your actions, you may have approval-seeking behaviors. A mental health professional can help you get to the root of these issues and find the confidence to move forward in life.

This page can also help you better understand approval-seeking behavior in adults, as it explores:

What approval-seeking behaviors are
How approval-seeking behaviors can impact life
The causes of approval-seeking behaviors
Why someone can become dependent on approval-seeking behaviors
Coping methods for approval-seeking behaviors
Where to find help for managing approval-seeking behaviors

What Are Approval-Seeking Behaviors?

Approval-seeking behaviors are the actions people engage in to get recognition or praise from others. They can easily blend into everyday interactions that seem polite or considerate, which often makes them hard to spot. Ultimately, everyone likes to feel appreciated sometimes, but seeking approval can become a problem when it starts to shape how someone feels about themselves or connects with others.

Examples of approval-seeking behaviors include:¹

Agreeing with others even when you think differently
Taking on extra work to be noticed
Giving compliments to stay in someone’s favor
Checking for reassurance after finishing a task
Adjusting how you speak depending on who you’re talking to

Consistently seeking approval from others can affect many aspects of life – but what are these impacts?

How Can Approval-Seeking Behaviors Impact Life?

To understand how approval-seeking behaviors can affect daily life, it can help to look at how these actions can start to shape a person’s world when they happen too often. In general, these impacts can affect self-esteem, authenticity, and relationships.

But, instead of listing every possible outcome of approval-seeking, let’s consider an example of someone whose approval-seeking eventually started to cost them far more than they anticipated.

Example of Approval-Seeking Behavior Impacts:

“Tom” has always been the person people could count on. He rarely says “no” to tasks, and the more he does for other people, the more he associates his worth with how pleased others seem with him.

For example, at work, Tom laughs along with opinions he disagrees with to avoid confrontation and volunteers for tasks that drain him because he wants to be seen as “dependable.” With friends, he hides parts of his personality that might seem too bold or different. This behavior is no different at home, either, as he apologizes for things he hasn’t done, hoping to keep the peace.

At first, Tom doesn’t notice how these small choices begin to pile up, and his life starts to feel like a performance rather than something he’s living authentically.

He eventually becomes disconnected from his own values and opinions, unsure where his real self begins and ends. As this continues, he starts feeling anxious whenever someone doesn’t react with approval, overthinking every word and replaying interactions in his head.

Eventually, the constant pressure to people-please leaves him feeling low. His self-esteem begins to erode and is replaced by an anger that causes him to lash out at those around him.

Breaking Down the Impacts of Approval-Seeking

To understand the impacts of approval-seeking in the example provided better, let’s look closer at some of these negative outcomes. These impacts include:

Inauthentic behavior: The tendency to suppress true opinions to gain acceptance can leave someone feeling detached from who they really are. This may erode confidence and create emotional exhaustion.²

Anxiety: The more someone relies on external approval, the more anxious they can become. For instance, studies show that a strong need for approval is positively linked with higher levels of anxiety.³

Depression: As self-worth becomes tied to others’ opinions, feelings of failure can begin to grow. In fact, research has found that approval-seeking combined with low self-esteem accounts for a significant portion of depressive symptoms in people with major depressive disorder.⁴

Hypersensitivity to disapproval: A fear of disapproval can make someone hypersensitive to how others see them, leaving them embarrassed or guilty after minor social interactions.⁵
Fustration-based aggression: When approval doesn’t come, someone with a need for it may feel hurt and occasionally lash out, struggling to manage the frustration that builds from perceived social rejection.⁶

While approval-seeking may begin as something harmless, it can grow into a pattern that limits emotional freedom. Each behavior on its own may seem small, yet together they create a life shaped more by others’ expectations than by genuine choice.

What Causes Approval-Seeking Behaviors?

The causes of approval-seeking behaviors can be difficult to pinpoint, as they may develop at any stage of life. For instance, they may stem from adverse childhood experiences or emerge later as a result of experiences in adulthood.

Below, we take a look at the potential causes of approval-seeking behaviors identified through research:

Insecure Attachment (Childhood)

When care in early life feels inconsistent or absent, affection can start to seem like something that has to be earned. As adults, this belief can turn into a stronger need for others’ approval just to feel valued or secure.

Research on adult attachment anxiety has found that people who question their self-worth are more likely to seek constant reassurance from others, which is linked to lower psychological well-being.⁷ In other words, an insecure attachment style may teach someone that love depends on performance and approval, eventually taking the place of genuine emotional safety.

Parenting Style (Childhood)

Parental attitudes can also shape approval-seeking behaviors, especially when someone grows up in a home with strict rules or high expectations.8 This is because, in these environments, acceptance can start to feel dependent on performance. In fact, schema therapy research describes an approval-seeking schema that can develop when parents set rigid standards for behavior, especially achievements.⁸ Without healing experiences, this schema could extend to adulthood, leading someone to measure their worth by how well they meet others’ expectations rather than feeling secure in who they are.

Online Validation (Adulthood)

According to the uses-and-gratifications theory, people may turn to social platforms to meet social and emotional needs, including the need for approval.⁹ Further, social media may amplify approval-seeking by offering constant feedback through positive attention. This feedback loop can make positive reactions online feel like proof of social acceptance.

Workplace Overcommitment (Adulthood)

where it can start to cross a line. In fact, professional environments can actually reinforce these behaviors, especially in high-pressure or hierarchical settings where people feel the need to earn praise to stay secure in their role. Occupational research refers to a pattern called “overcommitment,” in which someone becomes excessively involved in their work and driven by a strong need for approval.¹¹ Over time, this overcommitment could blur the line between dedication and dependence on external validation.

Approval-seeking can come from many places, but it usually stems from the same idea: believing your worth depends on how others respond to you. It might trace back to early experiences or grow stronger through the pressures of everyday life. Becoming aware of where it comes from can help you start letting go of its hold and build a steadier sense of confidence from within.

Can You Become Dependent on Approval-Seeking Behaviors?

When we think of dependency, our minds usually go to substances or more obvious addictive habits like gambling or shopping. Yet, research suggests it’s entirely possible to become dependent on approval-seeking behaviors.¹²

Evidence suggests that some people develop a reliance on social approval that functions much like a self-reinforcing cycle. This tendency, often called “approval dependence,” means a person’s sense of worth becomes tightly bound to how others respond to them.¹²

For example, when self-esteem depends on external praise, people tend to chase validation goals and end up spending much of their time trying to win others’ approval.

Approval-seeking may also act as a way to manage emotions, especially anxiety. For instance, praise, such as from online interactions, can bring an immediate lift and temporarily silence feelings of self-doubt. In contrast, a lack of approval can create anxiety that drives someone to seek reassurance again.¹³

Studies have also found that social media approval activates the brain’s reward system, particularly areas linked to pleasure and motivation, like the striatum.¹³ Plus, dopamine, the neurotransmitter behind our reward response, amplifies this effect.13 In other words, the stronger a person’s brain reacts to approval, the more their motivation to seek it increases.

What Coping Methods Help With Approval-Seeking Behaviors?

When approval-seeking behaviors start to interfere with everyday life, especially if they’re linked to anxiety or another psychiatric condition, it may help to apply some strategies to regain balance.

One study on approval-seeking tendencies explored different ways to cope with validation needs.¹² Drawing from these findings, the following are some evidence-backed methods that could make a difference:

Build Self-Awareness of Approval Triggers

Does your strongest need for approval surface after being criticized or when you’re unsure of yourself? Awareness can help break the automatic link between anxiety and the urge to seek reassurance.

Strengthen Self-Esteem Through Reflection and Feedback

Try keeping a simple record of personal wins or feedback you value for its honesty, not its praise. Done over a period of time, this could help you improve your mental health and self-esteem.

Address Anxiety Linked to Disapproval

Anxiety can sit beneath approval-seeking, and techniques like mindfulness or slow breathing could help you stay present when you fear judgment or rejection.

Develop Insight Through Group Sharing or Therapy

Research suggests that sharing experiences within a group setting can boost insight into underlying issues. Hearing others’ stories may help you see how your own need for approval manifests itself and that you’re not alone in feeling it.

Explore Emotions and Beliefs With Professional Support

Behavioral therapy strategies, such as cognitive behavioral therapy, can help identify the beliefs that drive approval-seeking, like I’m only worthy if others are pleased with me. Working with a therapist for self-confidence issues can also help challenge and reframe these ideas.

Involve Family Where Possible

The study highlights that involving families in therapy for approval-seeking can promote healthier relationship patterns and reduce the reinforcement of conditional love that you may have experienced growing up.

As you may have noticed, some of these coping methods may be easier to explore with the guidance of a therapist or mental health professional. This is especially true when conditions like anxiety or depression may be fuelling your approval-seeking behaviors. Finding the right help can feel overwhelming at first, but it might be closer and more accessible than you think.

Mission Connection: Professional Support for Approval-Seeking Behavior in Adults

If approval-seeking behaviors have started to become an issue in your life, or if you’d like to learn how to cope with validation needs, Mission Connection can act as a middle ground.

Many people struggle with overcoming approval dependency or the fear of disappointing others, but when these patterns begin to take over their thoughts or self-esteem, professional support can make a world of difference.

At Mission Connection, we help people understand and work through the deeper emotional and psychological factors that may drive approval-seeking. Our treatment approach recognizes that approval-seeking behaviors can appear across a range of conditions, which is why we treat:

Anxiety disorders
Depression
Attachment issues
ADHD
And more

Our programs take place in facilities across the US, offering intensive outpatient (IOP) and partial hospitalization (PHP) options depending on your level of need.

Therapy is at the heart of what we do, so our licensed therapists use techniques like cognitive and dialectical behavioral therapies to help you uncover approval-seeking patterns and rebuild self-worth.

We also understand that many are juggling busy schedules, which is why we offer a telehealth option. This allows for treatment to be based around your life with an easy-access schedule on your preferred device.

Reach out to Mission Connection today and take the first step toward freeing yourself from the need for constant validation and discovering the confidence that comes from within.

References

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