How Cognitive Distortions Affect Relationships: Relational Issues and Support Options
If your partner experiences cognitive distortions, it can be very difficult to manage and remain positive about the relationship. It can also be tough to ask yourself whether your partner really is struggling with a cognitive distortion or whether they’re acting intentionally. This is one of the most uncomfortable questions you can ask yourself in a relationship, especially without a formal diagnosis.
In many cases, cognitive distortions are heavily influenced by underlying mental health issues, and the behaviors you are seeing are signs that support is needed. If you or your partner are experiencing cognitive distortions in your relationship, this page will explain what you need to know and how to get the help you both deserve.
This page will focus on:
- What cognitive distortions are
- How cognitive distortions can affect relationships
- What causes the cognitive distortions that impact relationships
- How cognitive distortions are treated
- How Mission Connection can provide the support you need
What Are Cognitive Distortions?
Cognitive distortions are ways of thinking that skew how we interpret situations, ourselves, and other people around us.1 Cognitive distortions often rely on feelings to reach conclusions, even when there is sufficient evidence around us to suggest otherwise. These distortions can be positive, but they usually lean toward a more negative or threatening conclusion.
Common examples of cognitive distortions include:
- All-or-nothing thinking: Viewing situations in absolute terms, meaning certain things feel like a total success or a complete failure.
- Overgeneralization: Drawing negative conclusions from just a single event or occurrence.
- Mental filtering: Focusing on one negative detail, regardless of the positives that are obvious to see.
- Catastrophizing: Expecting the worst possible outcome in every situation, regardless of whether the evidence suggests it is right or not.
- Personalization: When people assume responsibility for events that are not fully, or even partly, within their control.
- Mind reading: Believing you know what others are thinking without clear evidence.
- Emotional reasoning: Interpreting situations as facts based solely on how they feel emotionally in that moment.
Cognitive distortions are a part of our evolutionary survival plan, meaning that everyone will experience them at some point in their lives.1 But if you are noticing these types of distortions appearing on a regular basis, it may be time to reach out for help. Cognitive distortions can affect every part of our lives, including our mental health and our relationships.
How Can Different Cognitive Distortions Affect Relationships?
Cognitive distortions rarely affect just the person experiencing them, and when they appear in a relationship, they can adversely impact many aspects of it. If one or both people are struggling with these thinking patterns, tension can build quickly, even when neither person intends it. Below, we look at some of the most common cognitive distortions and how they can negatively shape relationship dynamics.
Overgeneralization
When partners overgeneralize, a single moment is treated almost as evidence that a much larger problem exists, which can breed resentment.
One criticism turns into statements like, “You’re always critical,” and one disagreement turns into “We’ll never be happy.” According to studies, this can make everyday, normal tension feel far more intense than it actually is.2
Research on overgeneralization affecting partner relationships shows that partners are more likely to rationalize their reactions and place blame on the other person.3 This can create a feedback loop where one partner’s overgeneralized blame invites a defensive response, which can escalate the conflict further, making the distorted thinking feel valid.
Mental Filtering
Mental filtering in couples can happen in relationships when one negative detail eclipses everything else, making a partner feel unappreciated or unseen. For example, a single missed task can become the main focus, while other positive aspects of the person fade into the background.
Research suggests that this type of cognitive distortion becomes very harmful when it pairs with rumination. Studies examining rumination and partner conflict have found that when a person frequently ruminates on what they think is negative, it strengthens the link between negative thought patterns in couples and emotional reactions like anger.4
This can look like mentally revisiting a partner’s criticism long after the moment has passed, allowing resentment to build and making future disagreements feel more charged before they even begin.
Mind Reading
Mind reading in relationships means assuming you know what your partner is thinking, or even feeling, even though there is little or no evidence to support that belief.
This makes neutral moments turn easily into ones with negative interpretations. For example, deciding that a partner is being deliberately distant, or that they have hidden motives even when there is no evidence, creates unnecessary conflict.
Psychological research on this pattern, which is sometimes called hostile attribution bias, suggests it is linked to mistrust and increased tension in close relationships.5 When someone regularly assumes negative intent, they are more likely to view their partner as inconsiderate or unreliable, even if the situation is ambiguous.5
Catastrophizing
For someone who catastrophizes in relationships, a small mistake or argument can turn into a full-blown crisis. For example, a person might immediately jump to the “You’ll never forgive me” conclusion after a trivial error and assume the relationship is doomed.
Experts on catastrophizing relationship conflicts suggest that catastrophizing in relationships can seriously impact the chance of love growing within a relationship.6
Personalization
Personalization occurs when someone takes responsibility for things that aren’t about them, causing undue guilt or blame.7 In a relationship, this might look like assuming a partner’s unrelated actions are directed at you.
For example, a person may believe that their partner has left a pan unwashed just to show resentment, when it may be simple forgetfulness. This personalization and blame in relationships can lead to confusion and hurt, especially if one partner feels unfairly blamed and the other feels accused of hidden motives.
All-or-Nothing Thinking
All-or-nothing thinking in relationships involves seeing situations in extremes, and it can be especially harmful. Partners who think this way may constantly debate with themselves whether a relationship is a total success or a complete failure.
Experts describe this pattern using the example of a person who believes their partner “never” listens because they occasionally forget details. Overgeneralized statements, like “You always/never…”, lead to defensiveness and make minor issues feel like betrayals.8 This way of thinking can make minor mistakes feel catastrophic, which can lead to chronic disappointment in relationships.
What Causes The Cognitive Distortions That Impact Relationships?
If you are on the receiving end of your partner’s cognitive distortions, the experience can be exhausting. When repeated misunderstandings or misplaced assumptions begin to affect the relationship, it can cause significant stress.
This experience is often just as difficult for the person suffering from the distortions themselves. In many cases, they did not intend to react the way they did in certain situations. Afterwards, they may feel confused by their own reactions, leaving them ashamed and regretful.
That confusion is often shared by both people. It is natural to wonder where these types of behaviors come from. In many cases, cognitive distortions are not deliberate or a reflection of who the person truly is. Instead, they’re closely linked to underlying mental health conditions that drive cognitive distortions.
For example, anxiety disorders are closely linked with patterns of catastrophic thinking. Research into panic disorder shows that the mind can become highly sensitive to threat, even where none is intended.9 In relationships, this may present as assuming something bad, like a break-up, is about to happen when nothing suggests this is the case.
Depression is also strongly associated with negative thinking biases that influence how people interpret themselves and the world around them. These biases can make reassurances from partners hard to believe or hold onto, which can intensify perceived rejection or disappointment.10
OCD can bring distortions that place an intense emotional weight on thoughts and intentions. Research highlights how beliefs around responsibility and certainty can make relationships feel risky,11 as though emotional harm is always just one mistake away.
For people living with PTSD, distortions in thinking frequently reflect an attempt to stay safe after trauma. Studies show that black-and-white interpretations become more common as PTSD becomes more severe, which can affect trust and emotional security in relationships.13
Understanding these links matters because it reframes a lot of relationship issues. These patterns are rarely signs of someone being outright uncaring or unreasonable. Instead, they are signs of mental health distress. Looking at the situation from this angle makes it easier to focus on getting the right support, which helps protect both people in the relationship.
How Are Cognitive Distortions Treated?
When cognitive distortions begin to cause relationship difficulties, treatment often follows the same evidence-based approaches used for the mental health conditions that sit beneath them. This may involve CBT for both anxiety and depression, trauma-focused therapies such as CPT for PTSD, and CBT with Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) for OCD.
However, some couples may also want to address the impact these distortions have had on their relationship. In these cases, partners may choose to engage in therapy for distorted thinking and conflict that provides strategies to improve relationship communication. These therapies may include those explained below.
Cognitive Behavioral Couple Therapy
CBCT is CBT adapted for couples and thinking errors. It assumes that couples’ distress arises from distorted information processing and unrealistic expectations.13 Therapy teaches partners to identify and challenge negative thoughts and then replace them with more balanced interpretations.
Research shows that around 70% of couples experience improvement after CBCT, which is why it is considered a first-line treatment for cognitive distortions that affect relationships.14
Emotion Focused Couple Therapy
EFCT is a therapy grounded in attachment theory and helps partners understand how unmet attachment needs and strong emotional reactions contribute to conflict. Therapists guide partners to identify their emotional patterns and build secure emotional bonds, which helps in resolving cognitive distortions and communication issues.13
Dialectical Behavior Therapy
DBT adapts mindfulness and emotion-regulation skills for use within relationships, with studies showing improvement in couples’ emotion-regulation skills.15 DBT also teaches partners mindfulness and interpersonal effectiveness skills, which are useful when emotional dysregulation affects relationships or bipolar disorder-related traits are responsible for distorted thinking.15
Cognitive Restructuring
Cognitive restructuring, the process of identifying and correcting inaccurate beliefs, has a strong association with psychotherapy outcomes.16 Research on loneliness interventions also shows that the most effective programs are those that teach cognitive restructuring. This is important because loneliness can contribute to relationship distress and distorted thinking.17
Mission Connection: Providing Expert Therapy For Distorted Thinking and Conflict
When cognitive distortions enter a relationship, they affect both partners, not just the person experiencing them. Misinterpretations, assumptions, emotionally charged conclusions, and ongoing worry can all reshape how partners see each other. It can reach a point where it becomes hard to tell what is actually happening in the relationship and what is being filtered through distorted thinking.
At Mission Connection, we work with adults whose relationships are being strained by cognitive distortions linked to mental health difficulties.
Our work focuses on helping those affected understand where these thinking patterns come from and how they can continue to influence emotional responses within relationships.
We use evidence-based therapies, including CBT, DBT, trauma-informed approaches, and mindfulness-based techniques to help improve emotional regulation and support clearer communication in relationships.
For those who feel overwhelmed by day-to-day life, our residential mental health treatment programs across the U.S. offer a structured environment where these patterns can be addressed. We also provide outpatient care for people who want ongoing therapeutic support while remaining engaged in their everyday lives and relationships.
By reaching out to Mission Connection today, you’re taking the first step toward breaking unhelpful thinking patterns and protecting both your mental health and your relationships.
References
- Joy, R. (2019, December 18). What are cognitive distortions and how can you change these thinking patterns? Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/cognitive-distortions
- Gillihan, S. (2022, December 19). How to change 7 thought patterns that hurt your relationship. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-act-be/202205/how-to-change-7-thought-patterns-that-hurt-your-relationship
- Whiting, J. B., & Cravens, J. D. (2016). Escalating, accusing, and rationalizing: A model of distortion and interaction in couple conflict. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 15(4), 251–273. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2015.1055417
- Massa, A. A., Eckhardt, C. I., Sprunger, J. G., Parrott, D. J., & Subramani, O. S. (2019). Trauma cognitions and partner aggression: Anger, hostility, and rumination as intervening mechanisms. Psychology of Violence, 9(4), 392–399. https://doi.org/10.1037/vio0000127
- Simons, R. L., Simons, L. G., Lei, M. K., & Landor, A. M. (2011). Relational schemas, hostile romantic relationships, and beliefs about marriage among young African American adults. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 29(1), 77–101. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407511406897
- Psych Central. (2016, August 20). 10 cognitive distortions that can ruin relationships. https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-cognitive-distortions-that-can-ruin-relationships
- Chand, S. P., Kuckel, D. P., & Huecker, M. R. (2023, May 23). Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). In StatPearls. StatPearls Publishing. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK470241/
- Bernstein, J. (2020). The toxic impact of all-or-nothing thinking for couples. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/202012/the-toxic-impact-all-or-nothing-thinking-couples
- Özdemir, İ., & Kuru, E. (2023). Investigation of cognitive distortions in panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and social anxiety disorder. Journal of Clinical Medicine, 12(19), 6351. https://doi.org/10.3390/jcm12196351
- Rnic, K., Dozois, D. J. A., & Martin, R. A. (2016). Cognitive distortions, humor styles, and depression. Europe’s Journal of Psychology, 12(3), 348–362. https://doi.org/10.5964/ejop.v12i3.1118
- Spencer, S. D., Stiede, J. T., Wiese, A. D., Goodman, W. K., Guzick, A. G., & Storch, E. A. (2022). Cognitive-behavioral therapy for obsessive-compulsive disorder. Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 46(1). https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psc.2022.10.004
- Ouhmad, N., El-Hage, W., & Combalbert, N. (2023). Maladaptive cognitions and emotion regulation in posttraumatic stress disorder. Neuropsychiatrie, 37(2). https://doi.org/10.1007/s40211-022-00453-w
- Solat Petloo, A., Vaziri, S., & Lotfi Kashani, F. (2022). The effect of integrative therapies based on the regulation of cognitive, emotional, and behavioral mediators on marital adaptation: A systematic review. Iranian Journal of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, 16(1). https://doi.org/10.5812/ijpbs.116680
- Bodenmann, G., Kessler, M., Kuhn, R., Hocker, L., & Randall, A. K. (2020). Cognitive-behavioral and emotion-focused couple therapy: Similarities and differences. Clinical Psychology in Europe, 2(3). https://doi.org/10.32872/cpe.v2i3.2741
- Rady, A., Molokhia, T., Elkholy, N., & Abdelkarim, A. (2021). The effect of dialectical behavior therapy on emotion dysregulation in couples. Clinical Practice & Epidemiology in Mental Health, 17(1), 121–127. https://doi.org/10.2174/1745017902117010121
- Ezawa, I. D., & Hollon, S. D. (2023). Cognitive restructuring and psychotherapy outcome: A meta-analytic review. Psychotherapy, 60(3), 396–406. https://doi.org/10.1037/pst0000474
- Floyd, K., Ray, C. D., & Boumis, J. K. (2025). Cognitive distortions associated with loneliness: An exploratory study. Behavioral Sciences, 15(8), 1061. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs15081061