Self-Destructive Behavior in Adults: Causes and Treatment
Most of us have seen self-destructive behaviors play out somewhere, at some time. Perhaps you’ve seen them in the headlines when a celebrity appears to spiral out of control. Or maybe you’ve witnessed them closer to home, within your own family.
Destructive behaviors can be painful and confusing to watch, especially when they seem to be the result of someone working against their own happiness. After all, why would anyone keep doing something that’s clearly hurting them?
If you’re worried about self-destructive behaviors in yourself or a loved one, a mental health professional can offer compassion and constructive guidance. This page can also help you better understand self-destructive behavior in adults, as it explores:
- What self-destructive behaviors are
- What causes self-destructive behaviors
- Signs of subtle self-destructive behaviors
- How to understand if you engage in self-destructive behaviors
- Where you can find professional support for self-destructive behaviors
What Are Self-Destructive Behaviors?
When we strip it back, a self-destructive behavior is anything that harms you or puts you at risk of harm. This is the simple definition, but, as we all know, real life rarely fits inside straightforward boxes. In fact, if we examine actions a little closer, even many “healthy” behaviors could turn self-destructive if they’re constant and start doing you more harm than good.1
Take exercise, for example. For one person, running ten miles a day is therapy – a way to clear their head and release stress. For another, it could be their self-administered “punishment,” a compulsion that leaves their body aching and their mind even more restless. The difference isn’t in the behavior itself but in what’s driving it and what it’s doing to you.
Still, there are behaviors that exist beyond these grey areas, as they are considered to be inherently harmful. In other words, they can cause damage no matter the intent behind them. Plus, while some people are painfully aware of this damage, others may find themselves caught in these cycles almost unconsciously,2 which is why they can be so damaging.
Below, we take a look at some of these behaviors that are classed as “self-destructive”:
Compulsive Behaviors:
Compulsive habits like gambling or overspending can start as quick escapes from stress or boredom. And, for a brief moment, they may offer relief or a “rush” that feels like control. But once this rush fades, guilt or financial trouble often takes its place. Therefore, what once helped you cope may slowly begin to control you, leaving behind a cycle that’s hard to break.
This information isn’t to suggest that occasionally gambling or overspending is inherently self-destructive in nature. Instead, it’s when actions like these become compulsive that problems arise.
Suicide Attempts:
As the most overt form of self-destructive behavior, a suicide attempt often comes from pain that feels endless and a belief that there’s no other way out. It’s not always about wanting life to end, but about wanting suffering to stop. The act itself can be devastating, leaving family and friends with grief and unanswered questions. At its core, it reflects a desperate need for relief that deserves compassion and immediate help.
Self-Harm (Non-Suicidal Self-Injury):
Self-harm often begins as an attempt to turn emotional pain into something visible. In fact, the act can bring a moment of calm or control, as if the physical pain eases what’s felt inside. But this calm fades quickly, leaving behind deeper emotional wounds that struggle to heal without support. Over time, instead of continuing to provide an outlet for intense emotions, the behavior can become another layer of pain.
Impulsive and Risky Sexual Behavior:
Risky or impulsive sexual encounters are rarely about attraction and more about filling emptiness or numbing loneliness. The closeness typically feels comforting at first, but the emptiness soon returns, except now it’s often mixed with guilt or regret. Therefore, what starts as a search for connection can leave a person feeling more distant from themselves than ever.
Disordered Eating:
Restricting or purging can feel like a way to find order when everything else feels chaotic, but over time, this control can become consuming. These types of emotional eating disorders can leave the body weak and the mind constantly at war with itself.
Important note: If you or a loved one has been self-harming or having thoughts of suicide, it’s important to reach out for immediate support. Visiting your local emergency department or calling 911 are usually the best approaches.
These are signs of overwhelming distress, not weakness, and they need attention. No matter how hopeless things might feel, there are people who can help and want you to stay safe.
You don’t have to make sense of everything upfront, and you don’t have to know what to say; just let someone know you’re struggling. Whether this is a therapist or a trusted loved one, reaching out is the first step toward getting the care you deserve.
What Causes Self-Destructive Behaviors?
For someone who isn’t living with emotional struggles, why anyone would want to cause themselves harm may seem completely illogical. After all, our bodies are wired to protect us: to pull our hand away from a flame or flinch when a potential threat is coming toward us.
So, yes, we spend most of our lives avoiding pain, not chasing it. Yet the behaviors we looked at earlier do the opposite, pushing beyond our natural protective instincts. To understand why this happens, we explore some of the key research findings and what they reveal about the human mind.
Factors Behind Compulsive Behaviors
Compulsive behaviors are often rooted in conditions that affect impulse control and emotional regulation. Pathological gambling, for example, commonly appears alongside mood or anxiety disorders.3
Similarly, compulsive buying has strong ties to depression and anxiety. Roughly one-third of those with depression overspend, while almost half of compulsive shoppers meet criteria for an anxiety disorder.4
Risks for Suicide Attempts
Research shows that suicide attempts rarely stem from a single event; instead, they develop from a combination of risk factors that can build up over time. Among these, psychiatric conditions have the greatest influence.
For instance, studies consistently find that disorders such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and substance use issues significantly increase suicide risk, in some cases by more than threefold.5
Other factors, including epilepsy and traumatic brain injury, could also contribute to higher vulnerability.
Issues Behind Self-Harm (Non-Suicidal Self-Injury)
Up to 80% of people with borderline personality disorder report self-injury, with some reporting that it helps manage feelings of emptiness or fear of abandonment.6 Self-harm is also heavily associated with issues like bipolar disorder, as many of those affected report some history of self-injury.7
Sources of Impulsive and Risky Sexual Behavior
Impulsive sexual behavior commonly appears in conditions that involve poor impulse control or mood instability. For instance, research suggests that:
In bipolar disorder, manic episodes can drive hypersexuality and lowered inhibitions.8- In borderline personality disorder, sex may become a tool to avoid rejection or soothe feelings of abandonment.9
- Sexual trauma histories are associated with more frequent engagement in casual sex and more severe symptoms of PTSD.10
Factors Leading to Disordered Eating
Between 55% and 95% of people with an eating disorder also meet criteria for another psychiatric condition.11 Anxiety and depression are the most common companions, with obsessive-compulsive traits and self-harm also often prevalent.11
For many, food becomes a source of both comfort and punishment – a coping mechanism that may numb emotional distress while simultaneously deepening feelings of shame. Plus, this cycle can feed into itself until support breaks it.
What Are Subtle Self-Destructive Behaviors?
In this section, we’ll look at some of these more subtle self-destructive patterns and explore why they might appear in the first place.
Negative Self-Talk
Everyone has moments of self-doubt, but sometimes our inner voice can turn cruel. When it repeats messages like You’re not enough or You always fail, it can slowly reshape how you see yourself. Over time, such thoughts may create a deep sense of shame and remove the motivation to push past them.
In fact, research shows persistent negative self-talk raises stress and fuels rumination,12 creating a cycle that’s hard to escape. In anxiety disorders, constant self-derogatory thoughts like I’ll mess everything up or Everyone thinks I’m stupid can fuel chronic worry and gradually push someone into social withdrawal.13 Plus, left unchecked, negative self-talk may become a quiet form of self-harm that wears you down from the inside out.
People-Pleasing
People-pleasing can look kind from the outside, but it often stems from fear of rejection or conflict. This is because, when you keep bending to others’ will, you may start to reject your own needs.
In fact, research shows that the people pleasing pattern fuels anxiety or depression as people can exhaust themselves trying to keep everyone happy.14
In trauma recovery, people-pleasing is sometimes called the “fawn response”: keeping others content in an attempt to feel safe. However, this safety can cost someone their sense of self.15
Aggression or Withdrawal
Some people push others away before they can be hurt, while others might shut down completely when they feel unseen. Whether through anger or silence, these reactions typically grow from mistrust and exhaustion, yet they may create the very thing feared most: loneliness.
For example, research shows people with borderline personality disorder may reject others to avoid abandonment,16 while those with complex PTSD often retreat or lash out to protect themselves.17 Depression has also been shown to bring irritability or detachment, deepening isolation.18
Self-Pity
Self-pity takes hold when someone stays trapped in their own misfortune. Everyone feels sorry for themselves sometimes, but a victim mentality goes further, almost as though it’s the habit of living inside that feeling. Over time, their story becomes one of defeat, replayed until it feels true.
Although self-pity is a mindset, it’s deeply tied to conditions like depression and anxiety. Studies show that focusing on failure or injustice increases helplessness and hopelessness, both key features of depression.19 Plus, when left to grow, self-pity can keep these feelings and emotions alive.
What Should I Do if I Have Been Engaging in Self-Destructive Behaviors?
Some self-destructive patterns can hide behind habits that look harmless on the surface or thoughts that have been there for so long they start to feel normal. If you’ve noticed that your thoughts or actions often turn against you, it might be time to pause and look a little closer at what’s really going on.
The following self-assessment questions are not diagnostic, but they could help you reflect on your thoughts and behaviors. Try to answer them as honestly as you can.
- Do you often criticise yourself or believe you’re not good enough?
- Have you stayed in relationships or friendships that leave you feeling unappreciated or mistreated?
- Do you regularly put others’ happiness above your own?
- Have you ever turned to harmful outlets as a way to escape uncomfortable emotions?
- Do you sometimes sabotage positive situations because you feel undeserving of them?
- Have you noticed that you struggle to take care of yourself, feeling guilty or selfish whenever you try?
If you’ve answered “yes” to some of these questions, this may be a sign that you’ve been coping with emotional pain in ways that end up hurting instead of helping. No matter your personal situation, it’s worth reaching out for support. Talking to a therapist or mental health professional can help you understand where these patterns come from and guide you toward healthier ways to heal.
Mission Connection: Professional Support for Self-Destructive Behavior in Adults
Recognizing self-destructive thoughts or behaviors can feel unsettling, but it’s also the first step toward change. At Mission Connection, we specialize in outpatient programs designed to support people managing complex mental health challenges, such as:
- Trauma-related issues
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Bipolar disorder
- ADHD
- Schizophrenia
- Psychosis
- Self-harm
Each of our programs is shaped around the idea that real recovery needs both structure and flexibility. For this reason, our intensive outpatient (IOP) and partial hospitalisation (PHP) options combine the consistency of scheduled care with the freedom to stay connected to everyday life. Within these programs, therapy plays a central role by bringing together evidence-based approaches like CBT and DBT in a wide variety of formats. Every session is led by licensed professionals who understand how to guide progress at a pace that feels right for you.
We also understand that life doesn’t always make it easy to attend in person, which is why we also offer secure telehealth options. This enables you to stay connected with your therapist and continue your recovery – no matter how busy life gets.
If you’re ready to begin healing, reach out to Mission Connection today to get started with creating a plan that fits your life and goals.
References
- Psychology Today. (2019). Compulsive Behaviors. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/compulsive-behaviors
- Latinjak, A. T., Morin, A., Brinthaupt, T. M., Hardy, J., Hatzigeorgiadis, A., Kendall, P. C., Neck, C. P., Oliver, E. J., Puchalska-Wasyl, M. M., Tovares, A. V., & Winsler, A. (2023). Self-talk: An interdisciplinary review and transdisciplinary model. Review of General Psychology, 27(4), 108926802311702–108926802311702. https://doi.org/10.1177/10892680231170263
- Black, D., & Shaw, M. (2008, October 1). Psychiatric Comorbidity Associated With Pathological Gambling. Psychiatric Times. https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/psychiatric-comorbidity-associated-pathological-gambling
- Eliyahu, S., Rahamim, S., Natan, N., & Weinstein, A. M. (2025). Impulsivity and compulsivity in compulsive buying. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 16. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2025.1665182
- Harmer, B., Lee, S., Duong, T. vi H., & Saadabadi, A. (2024). Suicidal ideation. PubMed; StatPearls Publishing. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK565877/
- Oumaya, M., Friedman, S., Pham, A., Abou Abdallah, T., Guelfi, J.D. & Rouillon, F. (2008). Borderline personality disorder, self-mutilation and suicide: literature review. L’Encephale, 34(5), 452–458. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.encep.2007.10.007
- Weintraub, M. J., Van de Loo, M. M., Gitlin, M. J., & Miklowitz, D. J. (2017). Self-Harm, affective traits, and psychosocial functioning in adults with depressive and bipolar disorders. The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease, 205(11), 896–899. https://doi.org/10.1097/NMD.0000000000000744
- Krogh, H. B., Vinberg, M., Mortensen, G. L., Skakke, D., Nielsen, D., & Giraldi, A. (2023). Bipolar disorder and sexuality: a preliminary qualitative pilot study. International Journal of Bipolar Disorders, 11(1). https://doi.org/10.1186/s40345-023-00285-9
- Lobel, D. (2022, January 10). Borderline Personality Disorder and Sexuality: The Female Perspective. Psychology Today. Www.psychologytoday.com. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/my-side-the-couch/202201/borderline-personality-disorder-and-sexuality-the-female-perspective
- Flores, J., Brake, C. A., Hood, C. O., & Badour, C. L. (2020). Posttraumatic stress and risky sex in trauma-exposed college students: the role of personality dispositions toward impulsive behavior. Journal of American College Health, 1–13. https://doi.org/10.1080/07448481.2020.1819289
- Hambleton, A., Le, A., Maloney, D., Aouad, P., Barakat, S., Boakes, R., Brennan, L., Bryant, E., Byrne, S., Caldwell, B., Calvert, S., Carroll, B., Castle, D., Caterson, I., Chelius, B., Chiem, L., Clarke, S., Conti, J., … Dammery, G. (2022). Psychiatric and medical comorbidities of eating disorders: Findings from a rapid review of the literature. Journal of Eating Disorders, 10(1). https://doi.org/10.1186/s40337-022-00654-2
- Health Direct. (2019, November 10). Self-talk. Healthdirect Australia. https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/self-talk
- Cuncic, A. (2020, November 27). How negative automatic thoughts drive social anxiety. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-are-negative-automatic-thoughts-3024608
- Kuang, X., Li, H., Luo, W., Zhu, J., & Ren, F. (2025). The Mental Health Implications of People-Pleasing: Psychometric Properties and Latent Profiles of the Chinese People-Pleasing Questionnaire. PsyCh Journal, 14(4), 500-512. https://doi.org/10.1002/pchj.70016
- Ryder, G. (2022, January 10). Fawn Response: Adding to The Fight, Flight, or Freeze Framework. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/health/fawn-response
- Sato, M., Fonagy, P., & Luyten, P. (2018). Rejection sensitivity and borderline personality disorder features: A mediation model of effortful control and intolerance of ambiguity. Psychiatry Research, 269, 50–55. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychres.2018.08.024
- Harris, J., Loth, E., & Sethna, V. (2024). Tracing the paths: a systematic review of mediators of complex trauma and complex post-traumatic stress disorder. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 15. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2024.1331256
- Kupferberg, A., & Hasler, G. (2023). The social cost of depression: Investigating the impact of impaired social emotion regulation, social cognition, and interpersonal behavior on social functioning. Journal of Affective Disorders Reports, 14(100631). https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jadr.2023.100631
- Hinson, L. (2018, May 21). Is There a Difference Between Self-Pity and Depression? Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/depression/self-pity-isnt-depression-nor-self-compassion#whats-the-connection