Rebuilding Identity After a Breakdown: Coping With Post-Breakdown Shame and Self-Loss
For many of us, life can become overwhelming, as personal issues, family problems, and work pressures can all seem to pile on at once.
While many of us have felt like this at some point in our lives, a mental breakdown happens when these pressures become too much for someone to cope with.
A mental breakdown interferes with daily life in a way that affects normal functioning. For instance, those affected can withdraw socially and become depressed, affecting their relationships, career, and more. They can also shake your sense of self and make you question who you are.
So, dealing with the symptoms of a breakdown isn’t like just managing a tough couple of days. It takes understanding, compassion, and, usually, professional support. Rebuilding identity after a breakdown may feel like an insurmountable hill to climb when the emotional toll of a crisis is in full swing – but you don’t have to cope alone.
This article can help as a guide for understanding how to rebuild identity after a breakdown, as it covers:
- What a nervous breakdown is
- The signs and symptoms of a nervous breakdown
- Causes of mental breakdowns
- How to rebuild self-esteem after a breakdown
- Mental health and identity loss after a breakdown
- Support options during a mental health crisis
- How Mission Connection can help
What Is a Nervous Breakdown?
Day-to-day tasks can feel almost impossible. Getting out of bed in the morning, doing a full work shift, preparing a meal, or looking after your family. Any and all of these tasks can feel like too much. Further, not doing these essential tasks can make things feel worse as the “to-do” lists pile up.
From the outside, signs of a breakdown can look like someone being very tearful and emotional. However, the opposite can also be true, as some people might seem numb and detached from the reality of life. Regardless of how symptoms show up, they should be of as signals that the mind and body are overwhelmed – and need rest, care, and support.1
What Are the Signs and Symptoms of a Nervous Breakdown?
However, there are some common signs to watch out for, including the following.
Symptoms of a Mental Breakdown:2
Mental health crisis symptoms: Including racing thoughts, difficulty focusing, and panic attacks.- Behavioral changes: Including withdrawing from people, not prioritizing personal hygiene, and avoiding responsibilities.
- Emotional signs: Including extreme sadness, irritability, tearfulness without a clear reason, and feeling “numb.”
- Physical symptoms of a nervous breakdown: Including fatigue, insomnia, headaches, upset stomach, and chest tightness.
What Are the Signs You’re Mentally Overloaded?
Emotionally overreacting to relatively small issues- Finding it difficult to make simple choices
- Withdrawing from people or responsibilities
- Feeling exhausted or like you’re “running on empty”
- Falling into unhealthy habits like comfort eating, risky behaviors, or “doom-scrolling” on your phone3
- Difficulty concentrating
- Persistent worry
- Poor sleep
If these symptoms sound familiar to you or you see them in a loved one, then it may be time to consider slowing down and reassessing. Mission Connection is here to put your mental health first.
What Causes a Nervous Breakdown?
The following are examples of common causes of breakdowns:
Conflict within families or relationships- Traumatic experiences such as a loss or accident
- Long-term struggles with mental health conditions, such as depression or anxiety
- Sleep deprivation
- Living with chronic illness or pain
- Ongoing career work stress
- Financial pressures
It’s important to note that breakdowns can also come after a significant life change, like moving, starting a new job, or becoming a parent.
In a nutshell, research has shown that without the proper support or rest, stressors can lead to breakdowns.4 Thankfully, with increasing mental health awareness, support, and strategies for preventing suppression of emotions, it’s possible to both prevent and treat breakdowns. We will go into treatment options in more detail later.
How to Rebuild Self-Esteem After a Breakdown
In short, a breakdown can negatively affect someone’s inner narrative, or simply, what they tell themselves. You can imagine how thoughts like I’m broken or Something is wrong with me can weigh down on someone and seriously affect their sense of self-worth and esteem.
For this reason, it’s important to challenge self-judgments and critical self-talk. Fortunately, there are a variety of techniques that can stop the self-critic in its tracks. The following tips align with the principles of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). CBT is a form of therapy that focuses on re-framing unhelpful or negative thoughts to establish more positive, healthier thinking patterns. Its techniques are also evidence-based to improve self-esteem and promote faster recovery.5
The following are some tips on rebuilding self-worth after mental collapse:
Start Small:
Celebrate even little achievements. For instance, pat yourself on the back for getting out of bed, tell yourself you did a good job making dinner, or congratulate yourself for attending a therapy session. Making a habit of following small tasks with a positive thought can override self-critical thoughts and help rebuild positive neural connections.
Know Your Strengths:
Recognize your best qualities, and if you’re not sure what these are, don’t be afraid to ask friends or family. When your inner critic is being particularly loud, it’s important that you allow yourself to focus on all these good attributes. And we all have them. Maybe you’re a loving parent, a fun friend, or an expert at your job. Make a list if you need to and read it whenever you need a reminder.
Practice Self-Compassion:
If you make a mistake, you might immediately jump to telling yourself all sorts of harsh things. For example, You’re an idiot, why did you do that? Or, Why do you have to mess everything up?! Of course, we know accidents happen, but if we have a negative self-narrative, we don’t tend to give ourselves many breaks. So, a good rule of thumb is to speak to yourself like you would a friend.
If a friend made a mistake, would you speak to them in the same negative ways as you do to yourself? Of course not. Instead, you might say something like, “It’s okay, these things happen,” or crack a joke to lighten the mood. Lead with kindness and forgiveness, not just to your loved ones, but to yourself. Getting into this habit can make life a lot easier.
Avoid Comparisons:
If you’ve had a breakdown, remember that recovery and self-acceptance don’t just happen overnight. It can take some time to re-adjust to career or family life. Therefore, avoid making comparisons against how someone else is managing day to day – their circumstances may be very different from yours. Plus, people prone to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression may be especially prone to the comparison effect. So, try to pick up on these patterns and replace them with something more constructive, such as accurate evidence to the contrary.
Navigating Identity Change After a Breakdown
While it’s normal to feel this way, such a shift can take the form of an identity crisis: a time of uncertainty when someone questions their values and sense of purpose. Yet, while it might not feel like it at the time, this can actually be an opportunity for growth.
Research shows that identity can be rebuilt, as navigating identity change after a breakdown requires a renewed focus on self-awareness and re-evaluation.6 The process can be initially disorientating, but with the right guidance and strategies, it can help you discover an even more authentic sense of self.
The following techniques can help you rebuild your identity after a mental breakdown.
How to Recover Your Sense of Self:
- Define your values: Ask yourself what’s important in your life. What principles do you hold in highest regard? Is it kindness, compassion, work ethic, honesty, family life – the list goes on. However, defining your values can help you create a guide for creating a value-driven action plan, which may give you a greater sense of purpose.
- Seek out safe spaces: It’s important to consider triggers that could potentially cause a relapse of old, undesired behaviors or bring up overwhelming feelings of stress. For instance, certain work tasks might feel unmanageable, or certain people could make you question yourself. It’s possible to avoid triggers within reason or make plans ahead of time to cope with them. Instead, you’re opting to protect your well-being by seeking out places, people, and tasks that bring positivity and uphold your values.
- Explore identity through hobbies: Consider learning a new skill, perhaps involving art, music, or writing. While such creative endeavors can help you process complex feelings, they could also lead you down the road of mastery and help cement a new sense of identity. 7
Support Options During a Mental Health Crisis
Navigating a mental health crisis is not something anyone has to go through alone. Whether you or someone you care about is currently in crisis or recovering, support can mean a world of difference.
The following are some support options for coping with a mental health crisis.
Medication
Medications can be helpful for managing overwhelming symptoms such as anxiety, depression, or sleep disturbances. It’s good to speak to your healthcare provider first, as they’ll be able to discuss the suitability of prescription medication such as:
Antidepressants: First-line antidepressants usually come in the form of SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors). SSRIs help to maintain high levels of serotonin in the body and combat persistent low mood.8 You may have heard of Prozac (fluoxetine), which is an example of an SSRI.- Anxiolytics: Anxiety is a potential contributing factor to breakdowns. Anxiolytics can help alleviate some of the burden of feeling constantly worried, nervous, or fearful.
- Mood stabilizers: These help regulate mood in people who have more severe mental health symptoms and don’t find other medication options effective.8
Therapy
Therapy can provide a safe and structured space to work through identity loss and emotional overload after a mental health breakdown.9, 10 There are many forms of therapy that can support emotional recovery after mental breakdown, including:
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT helps people reframe negative thoughts, with the aim of turning self-critical statements into something more compassionate and accurate. Over time, this can mean more positive self-beliefs and a lot less emotional strain.- Eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (EMDR): Past trauma can be stored in the body and mind and contribute to emotional breakdown. EDMR uses guided eye movements while recalling traumatic events to aid healthy processing and recovery.
- Mindfulness-based therapy: Mindfulness and meditation can be powerful tools in regulating emotions as they can prevent the mind from entering a negativity spiral. Additionally, when guided by a therapist, these tools allow you to observe your own thinking and allow for processing of challenging life events.
Support Groups
Conditions such as depression, anxiety, and PTSD, can feel quite alienating and lonely. However, discussing mental health issues with others in the same boat can be invaluable. Research has shown that shared experience promotes hope and leads to better recovery outcomes, especially during times when someone feels vulnerable and hopeless.11
Support group options for people experiencing a mental health crisis include:
Peer-led mental health groups (in person or online)- Condition-specific groups (such as anxiety or trauma recovery)
- Family support groups for caregivers
Mission Connection: A Helping Hand in Moving Forward After Emotional Collapse
Managing everything that comes with a mental breakdown can be very challenging. Mission Connection is dedicated to ensuring that the process of navigating a breakdown is as smooth as possible. Our team offers comprehensive medication monitoring alongside various treatments and therapies, enhancing your chances for successful and sustained recovery.
Medication alone may not address the root causes of mental health issues – but alternatives are available. Combining medication with therapy options, holistic approaches, and lifestyle changes can increase its benefits and improve your outcomes.
Recognizing that life doesn’t pause while you’re focusing on your mental health, our team also provides online telehealth services to accommodate your schedule. This flexibility allows you to receive care that fits seamlessly into your daily routine.
If you’re ready to explore our treatment options or have questions about medication, contact us today or complete our confidential contact form for more information.
References
- Mental Health Foundation. (2023). Understanding mental health problems. https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/a-z-topics/mental-health-problems
- Harvard Health Publishing. (2021). What happens during a nervous breakdown? https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/what-happens-during-a-nervous-breakdown
- American Institute of Stress. (2023). Stress effects. https://www.stress.org/stress-effects
- Salvagioni, D. A. J., Melanda, F. N., Mesas, A. E., González, A. D., Gabani, F. L., & Andrade, S. M. (2017). Physical, psychological and occupational consequences of job burnout: A systematic review of prospective studies. PLoS One, 12(10), e0185781. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0185781
- Kolubinski, D. C., Frings, D., Nikčević, A. V., & Spada, M. M. (2018). The effectiveness of self-esteem interventions in adults: A systematic review. Journal of Affective Disorders, 234, 278–289. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2018.03.047
- Neimeyer, R. A. (2001). Meaning reconstruction and the experience of loss. American Psychological Association.
- Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). Posttraumatic growth: Conceptual foundations and empirical evidence. Psychological Inquiry, 15(1), 1–18. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327965pli1501_01
- Mayo-Wilson, E., Dias, S., Mavranezouli, I., Kew, K., Clark, D. M., Ades, A. E., & Pilling, S. (2014). Psychological and pharmacological interventions for social anxiety disorder in adults: A systematic review and network meta-analysis. The Lancet Psychiatry, 1(5), 368–376. https://doi.org/10.1016/S2215-0366(14)70329-3
- Barlow, D. H., Farchione, T. J., Fairholme, C. P., Ellard, K. K., Boisseau, C. L., Allen, L. B., & Ehrenreich-May, J. (2017). Evidence-based psychological treatments: A practical guide to CBT. Oxford University Press.
- Brown, B. (2006). Shame resilience theory: A grounded theory study on women and shame. Families in Society, 87(1), 43–52. https://doi.org/10.1606/1044-3894.3483
- Repper, J., & Carter, T. (2011). A review of the literature on peer support in mental health services. Journal of Mental Health, 20(4), 392–411. https://doi.org/10.3109/09638237.2011.583947
