Social Comparison in Adults: Causes, Signs, and Treatment
Most of us don’t set out to compare ourselves to anyone else, yet sometimes, it happens almost automatically. A friend’s promotion, a sibling’s engagement, or a coworker’s vacation photos. These moments can leave us wondering whether we’re doing enough or are successful enough. Even when we know we’re on the right path, social comparison has a way of eroding our self-worth, belonging, and capability.
Some people are able to shake off these comparisons relatively quickly. But for others, social comparisons can linger longer and impact how they see themselves and their worth, leading to a form of constant comparison anxiety.
As ongoing comparison can be a sign of an underlying mental health condition, such as anxiety and depression, advice from a mental health professional can help. They can assist you in getting to the core of the issue and work with you towards a more balanced self-view.
Also, because comparing ourselves to others can devalue our own worth and sense of self, this page explores:
- What social comparison is, how it shows up in our lives, and why it happens
- The connection between social comparison and mental health
- Ways to improve self-worth
- Where to find professional support
- Answers to commonly asked questions about social comparison
What Is Social Comparison?
Social comparison is a psychological theory that suggests that we value our self-worth by assessing how our personal and social life compares to that of others. In other words, the idea behind social comparison theory is that we evaluate our abilities and achievements against those of others.1
In everyday life, social comparison might look like noticing how someone speaks with confidence during a meeting when we can’t. Or it might manifest as wondering how a friend manages to work and take care of their kids while seeming less stressed than we do.
There are two types of social comparison:
- Upward social comparison: This is when we compare ourselves to those we believe are better than or superior to us.2 This type of comparison often pushes us to improve ourselves, our status, or our abilities. Though this can be motivating, it can also be discouraging if we’re already stretched thin.
- Downward social comparison: This is the opposite of upward comparisons. It’s when we compare ourselves to others who seem to be worse off than we are.3 This comparison is mostly about making ourselves feel better with our lot in life. For example, thinking that, while we might not be “great” at something, at least we’re better off than someone else.
Neither social comparison is inherently “bad.” It’s a part of how we learn, understand social norms, and make sense of the world. It becomes difficult when we start using someone else’s journey as a measuring stick for our own.
How Social Comparison Shows Up in Adult Life
Social comparison tends to weave itself into the ordinary moments in our lives. Maybe we’re scrolling social media before bed and seeing all the amazing vacation pictures. Or we’re catching up with a friend over coffee and hearing how great their relationship is going.
Yet comparison might not happen all at once. Instead, we might gradually notice:
- Constant feelings of inadequacy or being “never enough”
- Feelings of shame, embarrassment, or guilt after seeing someone else succeed
- All-or-nothing thinking about attractiveness, success, or capability
- Interpretations of others’ achievements as personal failures
- How you mentally rank yourself in professional or social settings
- That you overwork or have perfectionistic habits to “keep up”
- Avoidance of social settings because they trigger insecurity
- That you’re always looking for reassurance
If you have a few of these signs, you may have constant comparison anxiety. Understanding the root causes of this issue can help encourage greater self-compassion and open the door to treatment.
Why Social Comparison Happens
Some of the common causes of social comparison are:
Early Life Messaging
Many comparison patterns trace back to the messages we received during childhood, even if we never noticed them developing. Maybe you grew up in a household that praised achievement more than effort, or where being the “responsible one,” or the “successful one,” became part of your identity. Even well-intentioned feedback can teach us that worth is tied to specific traits, like success, looks, or relationship status.
Personality Traits
Some people are more naturally attuned to emotions, details, or social cues, making them what’s known as a “highly sensitive person.” A highly sensitive person is more attuned to emotions and has an increased awareness of internal and external stimuli.5 Sensitivity, conscientiousness, or being highly observant can be strengths, but they also make you more likely to notice differences between yourself and others.
Past Hurt or Rejection
Experiences like bullying, criticism, or exclusion can leave emotional bruises that comparison pokes at years later. When these old wounds flare up, other people’s successes can feel threatening when we’re comparing upward. This isn’t because we don’t want them to thrive, but because it stirs questions about our own worth.
These past hurts or rejections can also make us seek downward comparison in order to feel better. But the feeling of success or being “better than” can feel a bit hollow, like we’re gloating.
Social Media and the Highlight-Reel Effect
With social media, we tend to compare our lives, appearance, and achievements to those we see online.6 Even when we know that people share curated or filtered images, the brain still absorbs those images as data about what “normal” should look like. This distorted comparison point can make an ordinary life feel insufficient, even when it’s full and meaningful.
The Link Between Social Comparison and Mental Health
Here’s how social comparison can impact our mental health:
Constant Comparison Anxiety
For many of us, comparison can fuel a low-level sense of urgency. We may worry we’re falling behind, missing opportunities, or not meeting expectations we didn’t realize we were carrying.
Research shows that upward comparison, specifically, has a higher association with negative feelings like anxiety. Whereas downward comparison is often associated with more positive emotions, like joyfulness or self-enhancement.7
Regardless of which direction we’re comparing in, constantly worrying if we’re doing enough, striving for more, or just feeling like we need to “do better” or “be better” becomes exhausting. This constant comparison anxiety can make everyday decisions feel high-stakes, leaving the nervous system stuck in a state of alertness.
Social Comparison Depression
Social comparison depression occurs when we’re consistently feeling like we’re lacking based on what we’re seeing from the people around us, and draining our joy for our own accomplishments. According to research, people with depression are more likely to compare themselves upward, which then causes more symptoms of depression, leading to a vicious cycle.8
Low Self-Esteem and Identity Confusion
Teen self-esteem problems and body image anxiety are related to social comparison, specifically with the use of social media.9 When we’re always evaluating ourselves through someone else’s lens, we’re steadily increasing our insecurity and mental health concerns. This insecurity makes it difficult for us to trust our own voices and know what we truly want outside of others’ expectations.
Relationship Stress
Our social comparisons often occur with the people closest to us because these are the people we’re seeing or speaking to the most. When comparison seeps into relationships, it can create distance or resentment. We might withdraw, assume others are judging us, or feel threatened by their successes instead of supported by them. It becomes harder to celebrate others when we’re struggling with our self-confidence.
Social comparisons, specifically downward comparisons, can have some benefits. But when we’re constantly comparing ourselves to others, whether upward or downward, we’re spending so much time and energy that the positive feelings wear away.
Coping With Comparison Thoughts
Getting support for low self-esteem help and stopping comparison thoughts includes approaches like:
Identifying Triggers and Patterns
Start by paying attention to the environments or themes where you’re most likely to do social comparison. Is it around career? Your appearance? Parenting? Relationships? Or finances? Understanding your specific triggers creates a map of where your emotional vulnerabilities lie, which makes it easier to intervene early.
Finding an Accountability Partner
Working with someone who’s keeping you accountable in your goals can improve personal motivation and help you find out what works for you without adding competitiveness to the relationship. This relationship works as lateral social comparison, where you’re comparing yourself to people you see as equals.1 Lateral comparison tends to provide a more realistic perspective while also giving a sense of belonging and validation.10
Trying Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
CBT helps us identify and challenge thoughts and feelings that contribute to our negative self-talk. When we see someone who has something “more” or “better,” we might automatically jump to thinking they’re ahead. With CBT, we notice these thoughts and learn to replace them with interpretations that are rooted in reality rather than fear. It’s not necessarily forcing ourselves to think positively; it’s about finding more realistic alternatives.
EMDR for Comparison Rooted in Past Hurt
When comparison is tied to past wounds or trauma, EMDR can help reprocess those experiences so they feel less defining in the present. As old pressures lose intensity, current comparison triggers feel less personal and less overwhelming.
Practicing Mindfulness and Gratitude
Comparison lives in the past and future; imagining where we “should” be or replaying where we think we fell short. Mindfulness is the practice of focusing attention on the present moment and acknowledging thoughts and feelings without judgment.11
Practicing gratitude, whether through journaling or reminding ourselves of the good things we have, can improve our outlook on life. Gratitude has many benefits, including less depression and anxiety and improved positive feelings like self-compassion.12 Mindfulness and gratitude pull us back into our actual life, moment by moment, and allow us to acknowledge the things we do have.
Making Digital Boundaries That Feel Supportive
Social media and mental health issues often go hand-in-hand, with social media increasing depression, anxiety, and loneliness.13 So focus on unfollowing accounts that trigger shame, curating content that feels grounding, or shifting social media use to times of day when your emotions are more stable.
Mission Connection: Support for Adults Struggling With Perfectionism and Comparison
At Mission Connection, we often meet people who feel worn down by comparison and lose confidence whenever they see someone else succeed. Our approach to therapy for self-confidence focuses on understanding your story with compassion, not criticism. We use evidence-based therapies like CBT, mindfulness-based practices, and emotion-focused work to help you identify where comparison patterns come from and how they’re affecting everyday life.
If social comparison has been draining your energy or shaping your decisions, you don’t have to navigate it on your own. Get started with Mission Connection today to find steadiness, clarity, and a more grounded way of moving through your life.
Frequently Asked Questions About Social Comparison
If you still have some questions about constant comparison anxiety, the following answers to FAQs may give you some extra clarity.
1. Why Do I Compare Myself to Others Even When I Know It Makes Me Feel Worse?
We continue to compare ourselves to others even when it makes us feel worse because comparison is wired into how we learn and evaluate the world. Our brain is constantly scanning for cues about safety, success, and social belonging. When we’re stressed, overwhelmed, or unsure of our direction, the brain leans even more heavily on outside indicators instead of our internal compass.
2. Are There Benefits of Social Comparison?
Yes, there can sometimes be benefits of social comparison. When we compare upward, in a healthy way, it can inspire us toward self-improvement. We might find someone else’s success to be motivating, pushing us to better ourselves. But be careful about overly focusing on someone else’s success, as this can also lead to burnout.
3. What Are the Types of Social Comparison
The two main types of social comparison are upward comparison and downward comparison. But there’s also lateral comparison. Upward comparison is when we compare ourselves to people who we feel are doing better than we are. In downward comparison, we compare to people whom we feel we’re doing better than. And lateral comparison is comparing ourselves to someone we see as an equal.
4. Does Mission Connection Treat Issues Related To Social Comparison?
Yes, we support those who are struggling with navigating comparison, self-esteem struggles, perfectionism, or feeling lost in life. Using evidence-based approaches and trauma-focused care can help you understand your patterns, create healthier internal narratives, and reconnect with your own direction.
References
- APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). https://dictionary.apa.org/social-comparison-theory
- Wang, J., Wang, H., Gaskin, J., & Hawk, S. (2017). The Mediating Roles of Upward Social Comparison and Self-esteem and the Moderating Role of Social Comparison Orientation in the Association between Social Networking Site Usage and Subjective Well-Being. Frontiers in Psychology, 8, 771. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00771
- Wills, T. A. (1981). Downward comparison principles in social psychology. Psychological Bulletin, 90(2), 245–271. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.90.2.245
- Baldwin, M., & Mussweiler, T. (2018). The culture of social comparison. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 115(39), E9067–E9074. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1721555115
- Dosari, M., AlDayel, S. K., Alduraibi, K. M., AlTurki, A. A., Aljehaiman, F., Alamri, S., Alshammari, H. S., & Alsuwailem, M. (2023). Prevalence of highly sensitive personality and its relationship with depression, and anxiety in the Saudi general population. Cureus, 15(12), e49834. https://doi.org/10.7759/cureus.49834
- Vogel, E. A., Rose, J. P., Okdie, B. M., Eckles, K., & Franz, B. (2015). Who compares and despairs? The effect of social comparison orientation on social media use and its outcomes. Personality and Individual Differences, 86, 249–256. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2015.06.026
- Luo, Y., Eickhoff, S. B., Hétu, S., & Feng, C. (2017). Social comparison in the brain: A coordinate‐based meta‐analysis of functional brain imaging studies on the downward and upward comparisons. Human Brain Mapping, 39(1), 440–458. https://doi.org/10.1002/hbm.23854
- Aubry, R., Quiamzade, A., & Meier, L. L. (2023). Depressive symptoms and upward social comparisons during Instagram use: A vicious circle. Personality and Individual Differences, 217, 112458. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2023.112458
- Blanc-Brillon, J. L., Fortin, J., Lafrance, L., & Hétu, S. (2025). The associations between social comparison on social media and young adults’ mental health. Frontiers in Psychology, 16, 1597241. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2025.1597241
- Meltzer, L. J., & Rourke, M. T. (2005). Oncology Summer Camp: Benefits of social comparison. Children’s Health Care, 34(4), 305–314. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15326888chc3404_5
- NIH News in Health. (2024, June 18). Mindfulness for your health. https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2021/06/mindfulness-your-health
- Diniz, G., Korkes, L., Tristão, L. S., Pelegrini, R., Bellodi, P. L., & Bernardo, W. M. (2023). The effects of gratitude interventions: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Einstein (São Paulo), 21, eRW0371. https://doi.org/10.31744/einstein_journal/2023rw0371
- Robinson, L. (2025, August 20). Social media and Mental health: Social media addiction. HelpGuide.org. https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/wellbeing/social-media-and-mental-health