Excessive Self-Criticism in Adults: Causes and Solutions
Many of us grow up believing that being hard on ourselves will make us stronger, more focused, or more successful. In the moment, it might feel like your inner critic is keeping you motivated. But studies have found that self-criticism interferes with progress toward goals and is strongly linked to anxiety, depression, and burnout.1
If excessive self criticism is affecting your outlook on yourself and the world around you, professional mental health support can provide relief. This page can also help you better understand the thought patterns that keep excessive self criticism alive, and options for negative self talk help by exploring:
What excessive self-criticism is- The types of thought patterns linked to self-criticism
- Signs that you’re too self-critical
- Reasons why people self-criticize
- The effects of self-criticism on mental health
- Psychological treatment for self judgement
- Where to find professional support
What Do We Mean by Excessive Self-Criticism?
Excessive self-criticism means living with an inner voice that is constantly judging and putting you down. It goes far beyond healthy self-reflection or learning from mistakes.
Everyone sometimes thinks they could have done better. But when self-criticism becomes excessive, these thoughts can turn into a constant background noise of blame and shame. The voice no longer helps you grow or adjust your behavior. It punishes you for being who you are.
People who experience excessive self-criticism describe it as feeling as if there is an internal judge that never rests. The inner dialogue is repetitive and harsh, and it focuses on what went wrong rather than what went right.
Cognitive Distortions Linked with Self-Criticism
First, there’s all-or-nothing thinking. It refers to looking at everything in black or white, such as seeing things as “success or failure,” “good or bad,” and “lovable or worthless.” In other words, there’s no in-between.
If you have all-or-nothing thinking and didn’t do something perfectly, it might feel like you failed completely. Your mind ignores all the gray areas of real life, where effort, growth, and imperfection all matter. People who think in extremes are more likely to experience harsh self-judgment and hopelessness because they can’t see partial progress.
Then there’s overgeneralization, which stretches one moment of pain into a sweeping rule about your whole life. You make one mistake, and suddenly, the mind says You always fail. This distortion turns isolated experiences into fixed beliefs about who you are. Studies say that this pattern predicts greater emotional distress over time because it strengthens negative self-schemas.3
We also have personalization, a kind of distortion that makes you believe everything that goes wrong must somehow be your fault. For instance, someone seems distant, so you assume you did something wrong. Or plans fall apart, and you immediately look for your own mistakes. Personalization is closely tied to excessive self-blame and emotional distress.
Signs That You Struggle With Self-Criticism
Here are some common signs that you might be too self-critical:
- Replaying mistakes in your head over and over
- Talking to yourself in ways you would never speak to a friend
- Setting very high standards for yourself and then feeling devastated when you fall short, even slightly
- Interpreting small setbacks as proof that you are fundamentally “flawed” and will always fail
- Avoiding showing parts of yourself to others because you worry they will discover you are not “good enough”
- Feeling shame more than simple regret
- Having a split inner voice, where one part judges you harshly while another part tries, and often fails, to soothe you.
- Ruminating for hours or days and finding it hard to move on.
Reasons Why People Self-Criticize Themselves
1. Early Childhood Experiences Early relationships and the messages we get as children can shape how our inner voice sounds later in life.
For example, when caregivers are too dismissive or emotionally cold, a child learns to tie their worth to performance. Further, if you are only praised for being perfect, you might learn that you must be flawless to be loved. Over time, that rule becomes internalized and automatic; you grow into an adult who still thinks they must earn acceptance.
Parental perfectionism and high control could also train a child to monitor mistakes obsessively. Plus, when a child’s emotional needs are ignored, they often do not learn how to soothe themselves or expect kindness from inside.
Finally, parental criticism in childhood is linked to greater self-criticism and a higher risk of depressive symptoms later in life.4 Recent large studies and reviews also show that childhood verbal abuse and emotional maltreatment are strongly associated with increased self-critical thinking.5,6
2. Perfectionism and Unrealistic Standards
Perfectionism means chasing flawlessness in everything you do. It can be of many types, some of which are linked with better outcomes, while others are known to drive harsh self-criticism.
You can divide perfectionist traits into:7
Perfectionistic strivings: These are the push to do well and have high standards for yourself- Perfectionistic concerns: These involve worrying about making mistakes, the fear of being judged, and the feeling that your worth depends on being perfect. All of these factors can cause excessive self criticism
Perfectionism also makes it hard to feel proud of yourself. Even when you do well, your mind skips straight to what you could’ve done better. This thought process often makes people feel less satisfied and more self-critical.
3. Internalized Societal Expectations
From a young age, we hear certain expectations about what it means to be “good enough.” When you internalize these expectations, your inner voice can become a constant judge. It measures your worth against society’s ideals, which are often impossible to fully meet. For example, you might compare yourself to friends, coworkers, celebrities, or even strangers on social media.
Unfortunately, people who believe their value depends on meeting external standards experience more shame, rumination, and anxiety.9
Some cultures also place heavy emphasis on achievement, obedience, or physical appearance. Also, people in marginalized groups face additional pressures, including messages that their worth is conditional.
The Effect of Self-Criticism on Mental Health
This association may be because a distorted thinking pattern leads to rumination, where thoughts of mistakes, flaws, or failures are replayed over and over. Rumination keeps your brain focused on negative information and reinforces low mood and hopelessness. This is why depression self criticism often predicts the onset, severity, and duration of depressive episodes.11
Self-criticism is also strongly linked to anxiety. When you constantly judge yourself, your mind is in a state of threat that you will be judged or rejected if you don’t do well. For this reason, self-criticism has been associated with social anxiety and generalized anxiety disorders.
People who are highly self-critical are also more likely to engage in self-injury and have suicidal ideation.12 This may come down to how their inner voice creates a sense of moral failure so intense that hurting oneself feels like the only way to cope.
How to Build Self-Compassion and Self-Acceptance
Getting yourself out of the loop of excessive self-criticism requires you to treat yourself with the same kindness and steady care you would offer a friend who is hurting.
Research shows that balancing realistic self-appraisal with self-kindness reduces rumination.13 So, when you notice a harsh thought, pause and take a breath. Then say something simple and soothing to yourself. Gentle words give you space to respond wisely instead of reacting from shame.
It’s also a good idea to learn to notice your strengths and accept your imperfections at the same time. Try to name what you do well without inflating it, and also recognize your limits without shrinking from them. Each night, list one thing you did decently and one thing that didn’t go well.
Over time, this habit can weaken the all-or-nothing voice in your head.
There are also compassion exercises that train how you respond to yourself. Imagery exercises (imagining a compassionate presence) or compassionate letter writing (writing to yourself from a caring friend’s voice) can change how your brain responds to threats.
It’s also helpful to grow your social support and let them strengthen your self-acceptance. People who feel supported tend to be more forgiving of themselves because social connection reminds them that struggles are part of being human.14
Overcoming Negative Self Image: Evidence-Based Treatment Options to Heal from Self-Criticism
It takes a lot of time and effort to build self-acceptance. If your self-criticism is so harsh that it is affecting your productivity and mental peace, you could get professional help.
Some therapeutic approaches that are tried and tested to tame excessive self criticism include:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
CBT is one of the most widely studied approaches for reducing self-criticism. It is based upon the idea that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are interconnected. Harsh self-talk fuels negative emotions and avoidance behaviors, which in turn reinforce the self-critical thinking.
CBT helps people question these distorted thoughts and replace them with more balanced perspectives.15 For example, someone who thinks they’re worthless because they made a mistake at work would learn to identify the cognitive distortion and then challenge it. For example, they might ask themselves Was I really worthless, or did I just make a minor error?
CBT also includes behavioral experiments. These allow people to test their beliefs in real life, which can weaken their inner critic. Over time, they may learn that mistakes do not equate to personal failure.
Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT)
Many self-critical people have an overactive threat system in the brain, constantly scanning for mistakes or danger. CFT teaches how to activate the soothing system through compassion toward oneself.
CFT uses exercises such as compassionate imagery, compassionate letter writing, and guided practices that help people respond to themselves the way they would respond to a friend in distress.
Research suggests that when people practice compassionate responses regularly, the brain’s threat-focused patterns can gradually change.16 Therefore, CFT may be helpful for those whose self-criticism is severe and longstanding.
Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)
MBCT combines mindfulness practices with CBT principles. The goal is not to eliminate self-critical thoughts entirely but to change how you relate to them. During therapy, people learn to observe their thoughts non-judgmentally and let them pass, which reduces the emotional intensity attached to them.
Unlike traditional CBT, MBCT emphasizes awareness and acceptance rather than challenging the content of thoughts. There is evidence that it prevents relapse in depression and reduces self-critical thought patterns.17
Overcome Excessive Self-Criticism at Mission Connection
Breaking free from self-criticism is possible, but it takes support, structure, and a compassionate expert who knows how to help you get there.
At Mission Connection Healthcare, our licensed mental health professionals are dedicated to helping you do exactly that.
Using evidence-based therapies, we’ve helped many people grow out of self-judgment. We help you understand the roots of your self-criticism and challenge the thoughts that keep you stuck, then teach you how to nurture yourself with patience and care. Whether your issue is trauma and self-blame, perfectionism mental health issues, or low self-esteem, we can help.
Reach out today to learn more about what we offer and how we can support you.
References
- Powers, T. A., Koestner, R., Zuroff, D. C., Milyavskaya, M., & Gorin, A. A. (2011). The Effects of Self-Criticism and Self-Oriented Perfectionism on Goal Pursuit. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 37(7), 964–975. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167211410246
- Rnic, K., Dozois, D. J. A., & Martin, R. A. (2016). Cognitive distortions, humor styles, and depression. Europe’s Journal of Psychology, 12(3), 348–362. https://doi.org/10.5964/ejop.v12i3.1118
- Ready, C. B., Hayes, A. M., Yasinski, C. W., Webb, C., Gallop, R., Deblinger, E., & Laurenceau, J.-P. (2015). Overgeneralized Beliefs, Accommodation, and Treatment Outcome in Youth Receiving Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Childhood Trauma. Behavior Therapy, 46(5), 671–688. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.beth.2015.03.004
- Mafia Shahzadi, Rabia Khawar, Habib, S., & Jabeen, M. (2023). Parenting and self-criticism among offspring: A systematic review. Pakistan Journal of Humanities and Social Sciences, 11(2). https://doi.org/10.52131/pjhss.2023.1102.0425
- Mwakanyamale, A. A., & Yizhen, Y. (2019). Psychological maltreatment and its relationship with self-esteem and psychological stress among adolescents in Tanzania: a community based, cross-sectional study. BMC Psychiatry, 19(1). https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-019-2139-y
- Taillieu, T. L., Brownridge, D. A., Sareen, J., & Afifi, T. O. (2016). Childhood emotional maltreatment and mental disorders: Results from a nationally representative adult sample from the United States. Child Abuse & Neglect, 59, 1–12. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2016.07.005
- Gäde, J. C., Schermelleh-Engel, K., & Klein, A. G. (2017). Disentangling the Common Variance of Perfectionistic Strivings and Perfectionistic Concerns: A Bifactor Model of Perfectionism. Frontiers in Psychology, 8(160). https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00160
- Lambert, S. F., Robinson, W. L., & Ialongo, N. S. (2013). The Role of Socially Prescribed Perfectionism in the Link Between Perceived Racial Discrimination and African American Adolescents’ Depressive Symptoms. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 42(4), 577–587. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10802-013-9814-0
- Kuo, J. R., Fitzpatrick, S., Ip, J., & Uliaszek, A. (2022). The who and what of validation: an experimental examination of validation and invalidation of specific emotions and the moderating effect of emotion dysregulation. Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotion Dysregulation, 9(1), 15. https://doi.org/10.1186/s40479-022-00185-x
- McIntyre, R., Smith, P., & Rimes, K. A. (2018). The role of self-criticism in common mental health difficulties in students: A systematic review of prospective studies. Mental Health & Prevention, 10, 13–27. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.mhp.2018.02.003
- LeMoult, J., Kircanski, K., Prasad, G., & Gotlib, I. H. (2016). Negative Self-Referential Processing Predicts the Recurrence of Major Depressive Episodes. Clinical Psychological Science, 5(1), 174–181. https://doi.org/10.1177/2167702616654898
- O’Neill, C., Pratt, D., Kilshaw, M., Ward, K., Kelly, J., & Haddock, G. (2021). The Relationship Between Self‐criticism and Suicide Probability. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy. https://doi.org/10.1002/cpp.2593
- Yamasaki, K., Sampei, A., & Miyata, H. (2024). Relationship between rumination, self-compassion, and psychological health among Japanese university students: A cross-sectional study. PLOS ONE, 19(1), e0297691. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0297691
- Holt‐Lunstad, J. (2024). Social connection as a critical factor for mental and physical health: evidence, trends, challenges, and future implications. World Psychiatry, 23(3), 312–332. https://doi.org/10.1002/wps.21224
- Kroener, J., Mahler, J., & Sosic-Vasic, Z. (2023). Addressing self-criticism in depression using CBT-based emotion-focused chairwork: study protocol of a randomised controlled trial. BMJ Open, 13(10), e073128. https://doi.org/10.1136/bmjopen-2023-073128
- Vidal, J., & Soldevilla, J. M. (2022). Effect of compassion‐focused therapy on self‐criticism and self‐soothing: A meta‐analysis. British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 62(1). https://doi.org/10.1111/bjc.12394
- Williams, J. M. G., Crane, C., Barnhofer, T., Brennan, K., Duggan, D. S., Fennell, M. J. V., Hackmann, A., Krusche, A., Muse, K., Von Rohr, I. R., Shah, D., Crane, R. S., Eames, C., Jones, M., Radford, S., Silverton, S., Sun, Y., Weatherley-Jones, E., Whitaker, C. J., & Russell, D. (2014). Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy for preventing relapse in recurrent depression: A randomized dismantling trial. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 82(2), 275–286. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0035036