Avoiding Eye Contact in Adults: Causes and Coping Strategies
Eye contact asks a lot of us. It requires us to feel seen, to tolerate closeness, and to manage the stories others might be telling about us. And for some of us, this kind of openness can feel like a spotlight on things we’d rather not think about.
Avoiding eye contact isn’t always about rudeness or disinterest. Oftentimes, it’s an instinct to protect ourselves; a form of communication from our nervous system telling us it feels unsafe. It can be upsetting and frustrating to always feel like we’re avoiding eye contact. For this reason, this page will explore:
- What avoiding eye contact really means and why we do it
- Ways to build more comfort with making eye contact
- Therapy to get to the bottom of this avoidance
- Where to find professional support
- Answers to commonly asked questions about avoiding eye contact
What Does It Really Mean to Avoid Eye Contact?
Avoiding eye contact can mean a number of things. It might mean we’re not interested in striking up a conversation with someone else. We might also avoid eye contact because we’re embarrassed or guilty. Or, sometimes, it could be about self-consciousness and the discomfort of being observed too closely. Despite the potential reasons, avoiding eye contact is usually about trying to manage something happening inside; a message our brains are trying to send us that something is not comfortable.
Eye contact does more than help us read a person. It activates parts of the brain tied to emotion, attention, and social connection.1 For some people, this activation can feel exciting and motivating. But for some, it can feel like a lot. This may be especially true if you grew up in an environment where being looked at felt unsafe or emotional expression was discouraged.
In many cases, the instinct to look away is simply our nervous system making a choice for us – one it believes will help us stay calm or in control.
Common Reasons Why Adults Might Avoid Eye Contact
There isn’t one specific reason why someone might avoid eye contact. Most of the time, it’s a mix of several factors, like biology, experience, emotion, and habit. Here are some of the common reasons why we might avoid eye contact:
Social Anxiety and Hyper-Awareness
When we live with social anxiety symptoms, eye contact can feel like we’re stepping into a spotlight that focuses everyone’s attention on us. This attention can make us hyperaware of how we look, what we’re doing, or what we’re saying. Am I coming across the wrong way? Do they notice my discomfort? These are some ways the mind rushes in. So instead, we avoid eye contact because the spotlight feels like too much. For some, avoiding eye contact anxiety isn’t about disrespect, but rather a way to lessen the fear of being judged.2
Trauma and Emotional Protection
With trauma, the body often remembers the event long after the experience has passed.3 Trauma and eye contact avoidance can show up when we suddenly feel exposed, as if being seen too closely stirs up old memories or sensations of not being safe. This makes the instinct to avoid eye contact a form of self-preservation.
Autism and Other Neurodivergent Experiences
Difficulty making eye contact is a common feature of autism. Autism and eye contact difficulty may have nothing to do with shyness or insecurity. Instead, research shows that it’s actually an adaptive strategy to reduce overactivation in the emotion center of the brain (the amygdala).4 Therefore, breaking eye contact isn’t necessarily avoidance of connection; it may be a way of reducing stimulation.
ADHD and Cognitive Overload
ADHD may make it harder for some people to focus. In fact, a study showed that the longer someone with ADHD looked in the eye region of faces, the higher the levels of inattentive symptoms they experienced.5 Eye contact weaves in an extra layer of stimulation, and the brain may start juggling too many signals at once. Looking away becomes a way to hold onto the thread of conversation instead of losing it.
Depression, Shame, or Low Self-Worth
Depression, shame, or low self-worth can make us feel weighed down by criticism or hopelessness. For people with these issues, eye contact can feel like an invitation to be seen in a way they’re not ready for. The fear of being judged, even when no one is judging us, makes it easier to look at the floor or off to the side rather than risk the possibility of being criticized.
Cultural or Family Norms
Families and cultural norms teach us subtle rules about what respectful interactions look like. Some cultures view a direct gaze as confident, while others see it as confrontational.6 These lessons can shape how comfortable we are with eye contact well into adulthood.
How to Build Comfort With Eye Contact: Coping With Social Discomfort
Becoming comfortable with eye contact doesn’t mean forcing ourselves to stare intensely at people. Most of the time, it’s about giving our nervous systems a little more room to breathe so the moment doesn’t feel like too much. Here are some small changes you can make to feel a little more comfortable:
Start With People That Feel Safe
Try practicing brief glances with someone who feels low pressure – a close friend, family member, or partner. Safe people can ease you into something that might otherwise feel overwhelming.
Practice in Environments With Less Emotional Weight
You can also try practicing in environments that have less emotional weight, like on a video call, in the mirror, or even recording yourself. Practicing on your own first can help you get used to the sensation of eye contact without the real-time pressure.
Try Looking Near the Eyes
Start by looking at someone’s eyebrow, bridge of the nose, or cheek. This can feel easier while still signaling engagement. It helps ease the feeling of intensity without losing connection.
Therapy for Communication Anxiety and Difficulty With Eye Contact
While there are plenty of ways to practice being more comfortable with eye contact on your own, therapy can address the underlying causes contributing to this discomfort. The right therapeutic approach may help make eye contact feel more like a natural part of connection. These approaches often include:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
CBT is often effective in addressing automatic negative thoughts that might contribute to avoiding eye contact. For example, CBT for social anxiety is especially helpful for people who avoid eye contact because of the fear of social interactions.8 When your mind starts imagining judgment, assuming others are critiquing you, or interpreting your discomfort as a sign you’re doing something “wrong,” this approach can interrupt these anxious loops. With CBT, you’ll be more aware of these thoughts and how to challenge them.
Somatic and Mind-Body Approaches
Mind-body approaches, like somatic experiencing, are about noticing how feelings show up in the body. For instance, we might experience tightness in the jaw, tension in the shoulders, or headaches that happen when we try to make eye contact. Using grounding, breathwork, and relaxation techniques, you can make the body feel safer, and eye contact may become naturally less intense.
Self-Compassion Practices
Self-compassion practices like mindfulness teach us to stay in the present moment and pay attention to our thoughts and feelings without judgment. Instead of panicking about how you’re coming across, you learn to approach the moment with curiosity and compassion. You might ask yourself, What am I feeling right now? Why does my body react this way? This attention shift alone can reduce the pressure around social interactions.
Social or Communication Skills
For some people, especially those with autism or who have ADHD, avoiding eye contact may be due to a lack of strong social or communication skills. By learning interpersonal effectiveness skills, you can better understand what is expected socially and practice strategies that don’t require masking or discomfort.
Mission Connection: Mental Health Support Services for Adults Who Struggle With Eye Contact
At Mission Connection, we understand that avoiding eye contact isn’t a simple habit you can force your way through. It’s usually the body’s way of saying, “This feels like too much” or “I’m not sure I want to be seen right now.” With us, you’ll find an anxiety therapist who uses a trauma-informed lens and a blend of evidence-based approaches. These include CBT, EMDR, somatic therapies, and mindfulness practices, to help you understand why these reactions form and how to shift them without overwhelming the nervous system.
If eye contact has felt like a barrier or a source of stress, contact Mission Connection today. Our goal is to help you understand the “why,” ease the pressure you’ve been carrying, and create space for connection that actually feels comfortable.
Frequently Asked Questions About Avoiding Eye Contact
If avoiding eye contact anxiety is something you regularly deal with, it’s natural for you to have some ongoing concerns or questions after the information on this page. For this reason, we’ve provided some answers to FAQs on the topic.
1. Why Do People With Social Anxiety Avoid Eye Contact?
People with social anxiety often avoid eye contact because of the fear of scrutiny and judgment. Eye contact means attention, and when there is attention on someone with social anxiety, there’s often an intense worry about being criticized or doing something embarrassing. So people with social anxiety may avoid eye contact to lessen the likelihood of attention falling onto them.
2. What’s the Difference Between Shyness and Social Anxiety?
The difference between shyness and social anxiety often lies in the reasons and reactions. If you’re trying to sort out shy vs. anxiety, pay attention to the why. Considered a personality trait, shyness often causes mild reactions, like blushing or being quiet in social situations. In contrast, social anxiety is considered a mental health condition that includes severe fear, impairment in functioning, and a higher level of avoidance than shyness.
3. My Teen Avoids Eye Contact. Should I Be Concerned?
No, you don’t necessarily need to worry if your teen avoids eye contact. For teens, avoiding eye contact might be part of the normal awkwardness and self-consciousness that comes with growing up. But if your teen avoids eye contact because they’re overwhelmed, fearful, or showing other signs of social withdrawal, you may want to seek some support. Families often seek teen social anxiety help to give their child tools before the anxiety becomes more ingrained.
4. Can Mission Connection Help Me Feel More Comfortable With Eye Contact?
Yes, we can help you feel more comfortable making eye contact. Our approach is collaborative and personalized. We don’t push you to “fix” eye contact. Instead, we use a combination of evidence-based therapies with relaxation practices to help you understand what your nervous system is reacting to. This way, we can explore connection in a way that feels safe, authentic, and sustainable for you.
References
- Hadjikhani, N., Zurcher, N. R., Lassalle, A., Hippolyte, L., Ward, N., & Johnels, J. Å. (2017). The effect of constraining eye-contact during dynamic emotional face perception—an fMRI study. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 12(7), 1197–1207. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsx046
- Schneier, F. R., Rodebaugh, T. L., Blanco, C., Lewin, H., & Liebowitz, M. R. (2010). Fear and avoidance of eye contact in social anxiety disorder. Comprehensive Psychiatry, 52(1), 81–87. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.comppsych.2010.04.006
- Van Der Kolk, B. A. (1994). The body keeps the score: Memory and the evolving psychobiology of posttraumatic stress. Harvard Review of Psychiatry, 1(5), 253–265. https://doi.org/10.3109/10673229409017088
- Stuart, N., Whitehouse, A., Palermo, R., Bothe, E., & Badcock, N. (2022). Eye gaze in Autism Spectrum Disorder: A review of Neural Evidence for the eye Avoidance hypothesis. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 53(5), 1884–1905. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-022-05443-z
- Frick, M. A., Brocki, K. C., Henriksson, L. H., & Kleberg, J. L. (2022). Disrupted Attention to Other’s Eyes is Linked to Symptoms of ADHD in Childhood. Child Psychiatry & Human Development, 54(4), 973–984. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10578-022-01316-9
- Uono, S., & Hietanen, J. K. (2015). Eye contact perception in the West and East: A Cross-Cultural Study. PLoS ONE, 10(2), e0118094. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0118094
- Koniver, L. (2024). Grounding to treat anxiety. Medical Research Archives, 12(12). https://doi.org/10.18103/mra.v12i12.6024
- Kindred, R., Bates, G. W., & McBride, N. L. (2022). Long-term outcomes of cognitive behavioural therapy for social anxiety disorder: A meta-analysis of randomised controlled trials. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 92, 102640. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.janxdis.2022.102640