Domestic Violence Safety Planning: Protecting Yourself in High-Risk Situations
Home should be a safe place. Somewhere to rest, to spend time with loved ones, and enjoy quality time. Unfortunately for some of us, being home can mean quite the opposite. Especially if those we live with become a risk to our well-being and have the potential to cause physical harm.
When someone is in an abusive relationship, personal safety is compromised, and the idea of home becomes associated with feelings of intense distress and danger.
If you’re in a situation like this, know that you are not alone. Ten million people in the U.S. are affected by domestic violence every year. As many as one in four women, and one in nine men, experience abuse at some point in their lives.[1] These are staggering numbers, but they serve as an important reminder that there should be no shame or secrecy when it comes to domestic violence, and that support is out there.
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This page will discuss what a domestic violence safety plan looks like, who to call for support, and how to protect yourself in high-risk situations. It explores:
- What domestic violence is and how to recognize high-risk situations.
- What a domestic violence safety plan is, and why it matters.
- How to leave an abusive relationship safely.
- Creating an emergency escape plan.
- Domestic violence hotlines and help resources in the USA.
- Legal resources for domestic violence victims.
- The mental health impact of abuse, and how to heal.
What Is Domestic Violence?
The U.S. Department of Justice defines domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.[2]
Sometimes we picture domestic violence as commonly physical, but it’s important to recognize that abuse can take many forms, including:
- Sexual.
- Emotional.
- Psychological.
- Financial.
In short, domestic violence isn’t always a visible, on the surface kind of damage. It can be complex, emotional, and affect mental well-being as much as physical.
Common signs of domestic violence include:[1]
- Physical harm, or threats to cause harm.
- Controlling who you see, where you go, or what you spend.
- Invading your privacy by monitoring your phone messages or tracking your location.
- Using fear, guilt, or shame to manipulate you.
- Isolating you from your support network.
- Bullying, whether emotional or verbal cruelty.
Recognizing High-Risk Situations
Not every abusive relationship carries the same level of immediate danger, but it’s crucial to be aware of the warning signs, so if things start to feel high-risk, then appropriate steps can be taken.
Research confirms that serious injury or threat to life increases when an abusive partner meets any of the following criteria:[3]
- Has access to weapons, especially firearms.
- Has threatened to kill you or themselves.
- Is excessively jealous or controlling.
- Has escalated the frequency or severity of violence.
- Has recently separated or been threatened with separation.
- Uses substances like alcohol or drugs.
If any of these sound familiar to you or someone you love, then it’s time to seek help as soon as it’s safe to do so. Circumstances like these require careful, considered planning – but you don’t have to figure it out alone. There are high-risk relationship safety steps you can follow.
What Is a Domestic Violence Safety Plan?
A domestic violence safety plan is a personalized, practical guide designed to help you stay as safe as possible. It’s applicable whether you’re:
- Still in the relationship.
- Planning to leave.
- Have already left but are still subject to ongoing abuse in the aftermath.
Safety planning for abuse victims is widely recommended by advocates, mental health professionals, and law enforcement alike, and for good reason. In an undoubtedly distressing situation, it’s not always easy to make big decisions. But by having a safety plan for heated moments, there’s a clear course of action when thinking feels almost impossible.
An effective domestic violence safety plan typically includes:
- Trusted contacts you can reach out to.
- A safe place you can go at short notice (such as shelters for domestic violence victims).
- A bag packed with essentials.
- Steps for how to leave without alerting your partner.
- A code word with a trusted person to signal you need help.
Safety planning for abuse victims is not always about assuming the worst. But if there’s even a slight risk of danger in the relationship, then crisis planning for abuse situations can be invaluable, even as a just-in-case measure.
How to Leave an Abusive Relationship Safely
We often think the timeline of an abusive relationship is most dangerous when both partners are together. But research confirms that the period immediately after leaving is often when the risk of serious harm is at its highest.[3] So, if you or someone you love is preparing to leave an abusive partner, knowing how to leave safely is crucial.
This requires some careful planning, and ideally, with support. Here are some key steps to making this process as risk-free as possible.
- Build a support network quietly: Some abusive partners will intentionally isolate or keep you away from outside support. Reach out to one or two trusted people discreetly – away from your partner. Let them know what’s happening. Having someone in your corner can make a real difference.
- Gather important documents: When it’s safe to do so, make copies of key documents and store them somewhere your partner can’t access. This includes your ID, passport, Social Security card, financial records, and any evidence of abuse.
- Open a separate bank account: Financial independence is a critical part of being able to leave. Even small, regular deposits into a separate account can make a significant difference when the time comes.
- Pack a bag: Keep an emergency bag somewhere accessible, such as with a trusted friend, in your car, or at work. Include essentials like medication, clothing, cash, and copies of important documents.
While these high-risk relationship safety steps are useful for a planned exit, we don’t always get that opportunity. If there’s an immediate threat to life, then there needs to be an escape plan ready for emergencies.
Mission Connection is here to help you or your loved one take the next steps towards an improved mental well-being.
Creating an Emergency Escape Plan for Domestic Abuse
This is a specific and quick template for getting out quickly and safely in a moment of crisis. It’s a more immediate version of a wider crisis safety plan.
An effective emergency escape plan should include:
- The quickest and safest route out of your home (for example, which door is easiest to leave from, and where are other people more likely to see you?).
- Where to go immediately (such as a neighbor’s house, a public place, or a shelter).
- Who to call first (a trusted friend or a domestic violence hotline in the USA).
- Where your bag and documents are (and how you can access them).
- A code word shared with a trusted person to signal danger (make this easy to identify for you both).
- If you have children, how to keep them with you and safe during the process.
Once you’ve left and reached safety, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline or a local organization for next steps. You don’t need to have everything figured out; they can help you from there.
Help Resources and Domestic Violence Hotlines in the USA
There are several helpful hotlines available in the USA, with experienced, trained staff on the other end of the call. They’ll understand what you’re going through and can provide free, confidential support. Please note that if you’re in immediate danger, you should always call 911 first.
Domestic violence hotlines in the USA include:
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE): The National Domestic Violence Hotline USA is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year.[4] You can call, chat online, or text START to 88788 to reach a live advocate. The hotline provides crisis counseling, safety planning, and referrals to local shelters and services. It’s free, anonymous, and confidential. Support is available in over 200 languages.
- The National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline (1-866-311-9474): Specifically for young people experiencing or who are concerned about dating violence or unhealthy relationships.
- The Deaf Hotline (Video phone: 1-855-812-1001): A helpline designed for people who are deaf or hard of hearing.
- Crisis Text Line (Text HOME to 741741): For those who feel more comfortable communicating by text, this free service connects you with a trained crisis counselor at any time.
If you would prefer a more local resource, there will be ones available in your area. A quick Google search should tell you all you need to know. But remember to delete your browser history.
Finding Shelters for Domestic Violence Victims
Shelters for domestic violence victims provide emergency housing, meals, and on-site support. What’s more, some also offer legal help, therapy, and help navigating next steps. In short, they’re safe spaces to get away from an abusive partner, and everything is kept confidential.
It’s also worth knowing that shelters welcome everyone, regardless of immigration status. The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) provides protection for non-U.S. citizens experiencing domestic violence, including access to shelters and restraining orders.[5]
To find a shelter near you:
- Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. They can connect you directly to local shelters.
- Visit DomesticShelters.org, which has a searchable database of shelter and advocacy programs across the country.
- Contact your local hospital social work department. They can often connect you with emergency housing.
Legal Resources for Domestic Violence Victims
Legal resources are more accessible to victims of domestic violence than many people realize. You can contact them anytime you feel you need support, such as when considering custody of children.
As a side note, if you’re considering legal help in the future, it’s a good idea to document abuse where possible and when safe to do so. Write down details of abusive incidents and provide photographs or other forms of evidence that can support legal proceedings down the line.
Some important resources to consider are:
Protective Orders
Sometimes referred to as a “restraining order” or an “order of protection.” This is a legal document that prohibits an abusive partner from contacting or coming near you.
Courts in every U.S. state can issue these orders.[4] Contact your local courthouse, a victim advocate, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline to find out how to apply in your state.
Free Legal Aid
The Legal Services Corporation funds 134 independent nonprofit legal aid organizations across all U.S. states and territories, providing free civil legal assistance to low-income individuals.[4] WomensLaw.org also has state-by-state legal information specifically tailored to domestic violence survivors.
VAWA Protections
The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) provides important protections for immigrant survivors. If you are married to a U.S. citizen or legal permanent resident who is abusive, you may be able to apply for legal status without your partner’s involvement.[5]
Mental Health Impact of Domestic Violence and Trauma Recovery
We’ve discussed planning for and actually leaving an abusive relationship. But once the immediate threat is gone, there are often some mental scars that we have to heal from in the aftermath.
After leaving an abusive partner, many people experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The rates of PTSD range from 30-70% amongst domestic violence survivors, which is significantly higher than the general population.[6] Moreover, depression and anxiety are also more likely to show up in domestic abuse survivors.[7]
This information highlights the need for proper care and support, not just during a dangerous relationship – the delicate period following separation should not be ignored. Fortunately, there are many effective means of support to promote healing during this time.
Research confirms that survivors who engage with support services report a greater sense of:[8]
- Independence.
- Improved ability to cope.
- Reduced feelings of guilt and isolation.
One such example is trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). TF-CBT has been shown to reduce PTSD symptoms in domestic abuse survivors.[9] Simply put, it is a form of talk therapy that looks at how past trauma contributed to unhelpful thinking patterns, and it helps to reframe negative thoughts to promote calmer, more balanced thinking.
Additionally, advocacy and counseling can help survivors feel less isolated and more empowered. And if it is difficult to access services, telehealth services allow survivors to access therapy remotely, which could be especially valuable when attending in-person appointments carries risk.
Barriers to Seeking Help — and How to Overcome Them
Even though support may be available, it’s not always easy for people to reach out. After all, being a victim of domestic abuse comes with complex feelings and fears. Those affected might:
- Worry that when they report abuse, they may not be believed.
- Be financially dependent on the partner.
- Be concerned for the welfare of their children.
- Carry complex feelings of love for their partner despite the abuse (which is highly normal).
- Have concerns about their immigration status.
These are all very real fears, and they’re exactly why trained advocates exist to signpost abuse survivor mental health support. They’ll help you think through your options without judgment, at whatever pace feels right for you.
So when you feel safe enough, it’s important to protect your emotional and physical well-being by reaching out.
Reach Out for Domestic Violence Safety Planning Support With Mission Connection
At Mission Connection, we understand that healing from abuse requires more than just immediate safety. It means compassionate, long-term mental health support, too.
Our team is dedicated to ensuring you are as supported as possible. We offer various outpatient treatments and evidence-based therapies.
When healing from trauma, a trauma-informed approach is essential. We can also combine medication (if necessary) with trauma-informed therapy options, holistic approaches, and lifestyle changes to enhance your chances of successful and sustained recovery.
Our online telehealth services also mean you can access care from wherever you feel safest, without needing to leave a secure place to get help.
If you’re ready to explore our treatment options or have questions about our services, contact us by calling 866-833-1822 or learn how to get started online.
