Self-Compassion: Benefits & How to Practice It
We all make mistakes, have regrets, and do little things that we wish we could have done differently in retrospect. If you struggle with self-compassion, your inner critic might make these things feel like the end of the world. That little voice can make you feel like you are a “terrible,” “useless,” or “unkind” person based on that thing that, in your mind, was so “wrong.”
Yes, inner critics can be unnecessarily harsh and unforgiving to you. Yet you’re unlikely to be anywhere near as critical to a friend or colleague when they come to you with a similar insecurity. So how can you adopt the same approach to yourself as you would to others?
Self-compassion is approaching your failures and insecurities with the level of care that you would for someone else.[1] It doesn’t mean avoiding responsibility or lowering standards; it means facing what happened (even if you wish you’d done something differently) without adding shame to an already tough moment.
To help you better understand self-compassion and how to practice it, this page explains:
- The contributing parts of self-compassion.
- How self-compassion is different from self-esteem and self-care.
- The benefits for mental health and emotional resilience.
- Techniques to help you practice self-compassion.
- How therapy can help quieten your harsh inner critic.
Contributing Factors of Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is the ability to notice you are struggling and respond in a way that aims to help rather than punish you. Researchers describe it as having three connected parts:[1]
- Self-kindness: Self-kindness is having patience with yourself rather than attacking yourself. A self-critical response might be: I am useless. I never get anything right. In contrast, a kinder response would be: I made a mistake, and I feel disappointed. What can I do to repair it?
- Common humanity: Pain and failure have an isolating element to them in that they make us feel alone in whatever it is we are going through. “Common humanity” is a key element to self-compassion. It means that, in moments of failure, hardship, and regret, we have the ability to zoom out and remember that we aren’t the only ones who will ever experience this feeling. Difficulty is part of what it means to be human.
- Mindfulness: Mindfulness is the ability to notice what you feel without becoming totally consumed by it. For instance, you might note I feel embarrassed, rather than suppressing the emotion or deciding, I’m a failure. Mindfulness creates a small buffer between the experience and your reaction, and this little bit of space is what makes room for a gentler, kinder inner voice.
Self-Compassion vs. Self-Esteem
We’ve looked at self-compassion and its three major components. But how is it different from self-esteem?
Self-esteem is how good you feel about yourself; it’s an overall sense of how you view your own worth.[2] It often grows when you:
- Succeed.
- Receive praise.
- Feel that you are doing better than others.
On the flipside, this also means it could drop quickly after:
- A mistake.
- Criticism.
- Rejection.
- Failure.
Self-compassion has nothing to do with deciding whether you are “good enough.” On the contrary, it’s actually about how you treat yourself when you feel “not good enough.” With self-compassion, instead of judging or attacking yourself, you respond with patience and understanding.
The two concepts are very different, but there is a clear link between them. Research involving more than 2,000 people found self-compassion was linked to steadier feelings of self-worth and less dependence on success, approval, and comparison than self-esteem.[3]
Is Self-Compassion the Same as Self-Care?
Self-compassion and self-care overlap, but their roles are noticeably different. Self-compassion is how you relate to yourself during difficulty. Self-care is what you do to support your needs.
Rather than how you respond to yourself when you are struggling (self-compassion), self-care in action would be the steps you take to care for yourself. These steps could be physical, practical, emotional, or all of the above. For instance, self-care could look like:
- Getting a better night’s sleep.
- Eating regularly.
- Making space in your week to go for a massage.
- Setting boundaries.
- Attending therapy.
- Taking prescribed medication.
A simple way to understand the difference is that self-compassion is the caring attitude, while self-care is the action that follows. Research supports a link between them by showing that people with greater self-compassion are more likely to practice healthy behaviors, including:[4][5]
- Exercising.
- Sleeping well.
- Managing stress.
- Seeking medical help when needed.
However, self-care is not always comfortable for all of us. While it sometimes means slowing down, at other times it might mean summoning up the courage to face something difficult. For instance:
- An apology.
- The ending of an unhealthy relationship.
- Voicing your needs at work.
Self-compassion helps you recognize that you are worthy of such actions.
Research-Based Benefits of Self-Compassion
Above, we touched on self-esteem and self-care and how they show what compassion can look like in action, but the benefits go even further. Below, we unpack research-based evidence that suggests self-compassion can shape how people handle stress, painful emotions, and overall well-being.
Reduced Psychological Distress
Research consistently finds a clear link between self-compassion and lower psychological distress. Higher self-compassion leads to fewer symptoms of anxiety, depression, and stress.[6] Research on adolescents found that this relationship was similarly strong.[7]
Improved Emotional Wellbeing
Self-compassion, even though it can’t prevent painful emotions, does have the power to change what happens next, both in the short and long term.
Without self-compassion, disappointment can quickly collect extra layers:
- Shame about feeling upset.
- Anger at yourself for struggling.
- Fear that the emotion will never pass.
In relation to emotional well-being, self-compassion may help stop this “second wave” of pain – the pain experienced when we feel shame for what we’ve said or done. In this way, it reduces unhelpful overthinking and makes difficult emotions easier to manage.[8]
In this way, there’s a proven link between self-compassion and emotional well-being, including greater:[9]
- Happiness.
- Optimism.
- Positive emotions.
- Life satisfaction.
Healthier Coping and Emotional Regulation
People don’t always cope with pain in helpful ways. They might:
- Completely avoid it.
- Isolate themselves.
- Overwork.
- Use substances.
- Seek repeated reassurance.
These responses may bring short-term relief, but they often make the pain harder to manage over time.
Research covering 136 studies found self-compassion was linked with healthier coping and less use of harmful or avoidant responses.[10] This can build emotional resilience because you become better able to support yourself and take helpful action when difficult feelings appear.
More Motivation Following Failure
People who respond to failure with self-compassion have greater motivation to:
- Improve a weakness.
- Make amends after wrongdoing.
- Study after poor performance.
This is because self-acceptance makes failure easier to face without removing accountability.[11]
This shows how vital self-compassion is for personal growth, as it enables you to examine mistakes closely, while understanding that making mistakes does not prove you are a “worthless” person.
Mission Connection is here to help you or your loved one take the next steps towards an improved mental well-being.
How to Practice Self-Compassion
It’s one thing to understand self-compassion, but how do you actually use it? The road ahead can look a little overwhelming, especially if your inner critic is loud, persistent, and overly familiar. Here are some simple steps for practicing self-compassion.
1. Notice Your Inner Critic
It might not come naturally at first, but try to pay attention to what you say to yourself after a mistake or rejection. You might notice thoughts like, I always ruin things, or I’m not good enough.
You don’t need to argue with the thought straight away. Just be aware of it, and notice that you’re being hard on yourself.
2. Name What Hurts
It can help to put your feelings into simple words. For example, “I feel ashamed,” “I’m scared I disappointed them,” or “I feel left behind.” This may help get to the bottom of what you are feeling without shame or fear defining you.
3. Separate the Mistake From Your Identity
You can admit that something went wrong without deciding that there is something wrong with you. Our mistakes are not who we are – they are simply indications that we are human.
4. Remember That Other People Struggle Too
When something goes wrong, it can feel as though everyone else is coping perfectly. They are not. Mistakes, rejection, fear, and disappointment are all normal parts of being human.
Reminding yourself of this shared experience can help you feel less alone; it allows you to see that mistakes do not make you “strange” or “broken.”[1]
5. Ask What Would Help Next
Self-compassion is not only about comforting words. It should also help you decide what to do next. Ask yourself:
- Do I need to rest, or be with people?
- Is there something I need to fix?
- Do I need to set a boundary?
- What is one small step I can take?
6. Write Yourself a Compassionate Letter
This might feel a bit uncomfortable at first, but it’s an excellent tool in self-compassion practice. Write about a difficult experience as though you’re writing the letter to a friend. The aim is to practice staying with yourself during a difficult moment instead of turning against yourself.
Research demonstrates that this practice can reduce shame and self-criticism.[12]
Learning Skills Through Compassion-Focused Therapy
Some of the skills discussed above might sound simple, because in practice, they are. But this doesn’t mean they’re not effective. However, when a harsh critic has been the loudest voice – or the only voice – in your head, there are therapy options to help guide you in how to change your thinking and soften your thoughts.
Research shows that self-compassion interventions, such as compassionate writing, meditation, and guided imagery, reduce self-criticism, with longer programs producing greater benefits.[13]
These skills may be included within different forms of therapy. For example, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), mindfulness-based therapy, and trauma-focused therapy may help. The best approach usually depends on the root cause – the belief that is feeding the inner critic. This might be negative beliefs, avoidance, shame, difficult emotions, or painful past experiences.
Grow Your Self-Compassion and Self-Worth With Support From Mission Connection
If you have a critical inner voice that doesn’t seem to allow any room for mistakes, we hope you find comfort in knowing that help is available. It may be important to consider seeking professional support when self-criticism is affecting your confidence, relationships, emotional well-being, or willingness to try for fear of failing.
At Mission Connection, treatment can explore the root causes of your inner critic – what it is trying to protect you from and how it affects your mental health today. We offer personalized outpatient treatment tailored to your unique needs. Our expert clinical team provides a range of evidence-based mental health treatment approaches.
In addition to standard outpatient care at our locations in California, Virginia, and Washington, we also offer more intensive levels of care, such as a partial hospitalization program (PHP) or an intensive outpatient program (IOP). We treat a variety of mental health conditions and are in-network with most major insurance providers.
To find out more about our in-person, virtual telehealth, or hybrid program that combines in-person and virtual care, call us at 866-833-1822. You can also learn more about how to get started online.
